Hello Spring

“hello, sun in my face. hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields...watch, now, how i start the day in happiness and kindness.”

— mary oliver

Last weekend I planted some cat grass for our cats.  It sits right by the window that NYLA and Garfunkel like to sit in.  7 days ago when I planted the grass it was just a planter box filled with dirt and buried seeds.  It quickly began to break its way through the soil and became this fresh kitty grass.  I had a nice conversation this week with a creative friend of mine.  We have had quite a few projects together in the past.  We both have found that with accountability and encouragement from one another we are far more likely to succeed in our creative ideas.  We have decided that....yes.....that we will do our best to pick up our big girl cameras every single week and post a picture on Sunday.  Now this week (cough, cough) I managed to take pictures of this grass growing.  Which was not my exact vision of my first post for our new project.  However I did pick up my camera and I did take a few pictures.  I'm really very excited to see what Christina has posted, you can click on her blog HERE - 22 LIMES to find out.  I have not clicked on it myself as of yet.  It's like Christmas though, I'm super excited to see what she did this week.   Our conversation was on Thursday I believe, so keep in mind neither of us had a full week to shoot.  I find it rather perfect though being spring has recently sprung that I should share a picture of new growth.  I have to remind myself often that it's not about perfection, it's about grace.  

just keep swimming

It's funny though because we both talked about how our focus with our 50mm's is not exactly as crisp as we would like to see it.  I question if it's actually my vision.  It was an affordable lens that was highly recommended.  I shoot a Canon and she shoots Nikon so keep in mind although we are both using a prime lens they are different and we are both having the same struggles.  Either I need glasses or I need to just keep practicing and this project will be good practice. 

Lastly, we need a name for this project.  I have no clue as of today what the name might be.  She seems to have a witty mind for that sort of thing.   Any ideas out there?  The project only has these requirements.  We use our DSLR's and we post each Sunday.  We don't even have a theme, it's basically whatever might strike us each week. 

Inspired today by Man Ray

“Of course, there will always be those who look at technique, who ask “how”, while others of a more curious nature will ask “why” Personally, I have always preferred inspiration to information.”

— Man Ray

It's been such a while since we have spent time in our mother daughter project but this weekend we had some time and inspiration.  The inspiration came from artist Man Ray.  While he was a painter he is most known for his portrait photography.  I love Pinterest for inspiration because honestly even when I might think I'm coming up with my own ideas, they have already been played out by another.  It's just the way things seem to be.  So why not take an old photograph by someone I really like and use the mother and daughter as models.  Mother takes picture of daughter and daughter takes picture of mother.  The image of daughter by mother is taken with Canon 70D, the picture of mother by daughter is taken with iPhone 6Plus.

Our inspiration is from a photograph called Woman with Long Hair, the date is 1929.  I'm not sure if I'm allowed to share but if not I'm sure someone will let me know. I found my image and copied it from Pinterest.  See below inspiration piece. 

Woman with Long Hair - By  Man Ray 1929

Below is the image of my daughter.  I asked her to open her eyes because I think she has the most beautiful eyes and it's what I wanted to see in my image.   Taken with Canon 70D ISO 200 F 4.5 the light from her bedroom window which  faces the West.  I edited photo with app TinType. She thinks it looks creepy, I think it looks dreamy!  

Below is the image of me, taken by my daughter with my iPhone.  Edited with the app TinType and we went with eyes closed for me,  she did my hair in braids and then we took them out just before the shot so my hair would be wavy.  I love how she didn't want the dark red lipstick and didn't want the crinkled hair.  She wanted to stay as close to her natural look as possible.  I love that about her.  It's not always that way.  Sometimes she is up for a more modified look but today she wasn't and I always try to respect how she is feeling in the moment. 

Below is us together after the photo shoot.  We just laid on the floor and  with the help of the good old selfie stick, we took this blurry image. :)  These were taken today March 18, 2018.  She is 16 on this day and I'm 47.  

I'm grateful she is game for my "projects"  If you are reading this, thank you!  

MARCH MINDFULNESS

I have decided that March will be my month to focus on mindfulness.  There is this really amazing Dutch publication called FLOW.  This magazine is in my top 5 magazines to read.  It's pricey, yes.  However it only comes out quarterly and it's fully worth the money in my humble opinion.  We all have our splurges.  There are a few magazines I will for sure invest in and will not toss out.  This is one of them.  Sometimes this magazines offers extras, like work books and activity books. Actually it always includes a fun little extra.  I picked up an extra a while back at the bookshop called 19 days of mindfulness by FLOW.  

This 19 day workbook will get me started.  I flipped through the 19 prompts this past weekend and planned my March calendar.  I realize although I claim to be a free spirit, I do realize planning helps keep me focused on all the fun stuff I want to do each month.  I planned my mindfulness for this March.  Right off the bat I notice that the first few pages have a strong emphasis on meditating but not in the what they call new agey way of meditation.  Basically the advice given is to just sit still and start with 10 minutes.  Sit still and listen.  LISTEN.  Just listen to the sounds around you.  I did this today.  I set my timer for 10 minutes, sat on a little blanket on the ground with a pillow under my booty.  I started with my eyes closed.  I heard things like, the clock ticking, the cat jumping up on the chair, the city bus, lots of car traffic, a few airplanes flying over, the wind-chimes and even the ice-cream truck.  That actually put a gigantic smile on my face.  Do you know what song it was playing?  "It's a Small World"  I wonder if you know the words to that song?

It's a world of laughter

A world of tears

It's a world of hopes

And a world of fears

There's so much that we share

That it's time we're aware

It's a small world after all

It's a small world after all

It's a small world after all

It's a small world after all

It's a small, small world

There is just one moon

And one golden sun

And a smile means

Friendship to every one

Though the mountains divide

And the oceans are wide

it’ s a small world after all

Kind of like word board first born son put together this week:) 

The 10 minutes went by fast.   More quickly than I thought.  I decided to open my eyes for part of it.  Have you every watched the sunlight dance on water and reflect onto the walls of your living room? I'm sure a good number of you have.  That's what I was watching while I was simply thinking of nothing but the moment I was in.  I was thinking about the light as it danced across the walls onto the window molding and listening to those sounds.  Watching the kitty's  eyes perk up as she too listened to the different sounds.  I don't think there is any right or wrong way to being still and not letting our minds race.  It's finding the time to be still.  I'm pretty sure I have 10 minutes in a 24 hour day to just be still and to listen.  No thinking about what I need to do with my life but rather what I'm doing in that very moment. What do I smell? What do I hear?  What do I see?

It's already February!! What's new with you?

Welp looks like I let all of January (blink)  go by without a single blog post! I just want to share some thoughts and ideas and accomplishments with anyone who wants to read about it. 

When January arrived I was excited about my word for the year.  STRETCH.  I picked it for obvious reasons, I'm trying to be more consistent with a yoga practice and I figure this would literally STRETCH me.  It's more than that though but not quite sure if I'm ready to talk about it just yet. Did you choose a word for 2018?

In order for me to help this word along and have more yoga in my life I joined another yoga challenge in January, it was different than the December pose a day challenge, this was Yoga with Adriene, on YOUTUBE and she had a 30 day TRUE challenge that I decided to participate in. I actually finished all 30 days and was so proud of myself for sticking to it.  It was far easier to stick to it though because a nice community of friends joined me in my challenge and we were able to encourage one another to keep on swimming so to speak.  I believe visiting the mat each day on top of attending our local in live person weekly holy yoga class got me yearning for more. 

Now it's already February and I have joined yet another challenge presented to me by Adriene once again, this month she calls it LOVE YO' SELF.  and although it's not an entirely brand new series of videos, they are new to me!  She has a calendar for me to follow that gives suggestions of her videos to visit daily.  I'm 5 days into February and 5 days strong with my practice.  

That's just the yoga life, which apparently has taken a life of it's own because I'm not even blogging much any more and a few other things have been sort of set aside for the time being. 

Let's reflect on 2017 for a moment.  I want you to think of what good things happened in 2017, I know some of us have had really terrible things come up in 2017.  I know some of us have endured great loss in 2017 but I want to think about what good things occurred.  What made you stronger?  What made you thankful?  What did you accomplish? I'm trying hard to think differently because if I'm being honest I would tell you what I didn't do, what I failed at, what I lost.  I might spend too much time beating myself up about not accomplishing certain goals but instead I'm going to list some good things that happened in 2017.

I got new reading glasses

My 3rd Essay "Mother Daughter" piece was published in Winter Issue No. 10 of Bella Grace

Grandma gave me grandpa's gold coin

Rich and I went on a weekend get-a-way and I finally got to sleep over in a airstream trailer

I simplified my closet and have kept it up

I started using a lunette, less waste and very liberating

I met Maritza who taught me lots of new things about healthy lifestyle

Rich and I spent our anniversary weekend in Laguna Beach

Austin moved back home

Dylan graduated high school

I read Harry Potter books 1-5

Abbie and I got Disneyland passes

We painted our orange room gray

we got a new kitten

I got my clean bill of health with all my well woman checks

I learned to do a headstand with the help of the wall

We got our block wall built

I have kept off 25 pounds

Those are just a few of the good things that went down in 2017.  Below is a quick video of 2017 from my collect calendar which helps me to remember the good things in each year.  It's a 3 minute video.   It's private on my vimeo account the password is always...all caps LOVE

Yoga Challenge December 2017

I'm really new to yoga.  I mean I have dabbled back in the day.  I had a yoga dvd I would pop in from time to time.  I took a Pilates class once that our city offered in the city pamphlet.  Pilates seemed similar to yoga.  Then there was the summer Abbie spent in Arkansas and I woke up nearly every morning and started my day with Youtube "yoga with adriene" But I took my first official class last month.  It's been something I've been interstested in for years and years but have never committed to a true practice.  I'm ending 2017 with this yoga challenge, a pose a day just to keep me thinking about it.  Now some of the poses will be impossible for me to do and I'm not being negative, I'm being realistic.  Some of the poses are INSANE.  However I'm giving it my very best shot knowing that there is plenty of room for improvement and correction.  My heart is in it, I'm excited to do more yoga in 2018.  I suppose it's a goal I have set for myself in 2018.  It will be so fun.  It's like the best kind of exercise I have found for ME.  I have tried so many different types and yoga fits my person:)  

I'm so very blessed that my guy will take my picture in a public place without batting an eye, like it's normal business you know?  He is the BEST.  All my family will humor me and click a picture whenever I ask for help.  It's awesome to have all their support in whatever I decide to do.  They just go with it.  So open to my little whims.  Like the face down phase I went through, or my bench Mondays I still like to do.  

I'm hoping next year in December if I take the challenge again, I will see improvement, strength, flexibility and maybe even do some of those INSANE poses I can't do at this moment.  

AND maybe next year some of you out there might join me in this yoga goal and we can get strong and flexible, peaceful, calm and healthy together.  Think about it?  Consider it?  Patience and Practice and like my friend in the PNW reminds me of her Mantra from last year that changed her life quite a lot.  Her mantra was "a little a lot"  I LOVE it and I'm adopting it.  I've always been an all or nothing kind of gal.  If it's not perfect I'm a big fat quitter.  I plan to change that too this next year.  I don't have to be perfect, not even close.  Sure takes the pressure off. 

the oak chair

When Dylan was in the 7th grade about 6 or so years ago he found an oak chair sitting by the curbside ready for someone to give it more life. 

I have shared stories in the past how Dylan is the kid who will find treasures on his walks home from school and bring them to me.  In fact…here I go off course again but just yesterday I was driving and glanced over and saw a little boy walking home from school and in his hand was a single flower but I giggled when I saw the clump of dirt and roots still attached.  It made me think of Dylan and the things he would bring home to me at that age, flowers, weeds, tree branches, a dead bird once and this oak chair. 

When he brought me the chair he was so excited and truth be told, I was excited too because I have a weak spot for chairs and lamps but especially chairs.

I remember wanting to paint the chair either yellow or turquoise and I settled on turquoise.  This chair sat indoors for a time but due to space it rather quickly found its way to the garden and pretty much stayed outside and weathered with time.  

Yesterday in the late afternoon I meandered into the backyard with my camera in hand, looking for something beautiful to document.  I looked in the wood pile and there it was.  It’s not a chair any longer.  It’s in the wood pile.  I’m not sure how long this chair has been around, how many stories it could tell, how many people it gave good rest to but it was a reminder of our cycle of life.  It’s an important reminder too that we should remember to take lots of pictures of even ordinary things and especially PEOPLE.  This year I plan to document more.  I had abandoned the Canon 70D for a while when I let the convenience of my iPhone take over.  This past September marked a year of not really using or shooting my camera.  I’m going to change that because just walking into the back yard to look for something pretty felt nice. 

getting the green juice glow on

What to do with the 12 pretty 8oz size jars?  They sure look pretty empty but I think they will look splendid with bright green juice inside.  Abbie and I were talking last night, my physical is coming up next week with the doctor and I was considering dropping by Nekter Juice Bar to buy a weeks worth of a cleans and then reality smacked me in the face.   A five day juice cleans would have been $225.00.  Welp Abbie, we juice anyways lets just juice a mega batch and set ourselves up for the week.  And so we DID!

We are ready.  I made our juice with green apples, pineapple, lime, ginger, celery, cucumbers, baby kale and spinach .  Abbie is just excited for the skin glow that I promised her.  We will  have a juice for breakfast a sensible beautiful lunch and then a juice for dinner.  We want to do this about one week just to re-set ourselves a little bit and get our glow on. 

Completely off the subject, our oldest is driving back from San Francisco tonight.  He already experienced a flat tire before even leaving the city.  Last I heard he didn't need a whole new tire and was able to find a tire shop open to repair it before he got on the road.  I pray for his safe travels and you know I will not be able to go to sleep until he is safely home.  I realize I need to pick up my camera more often.  I forgot how to use it, that's never good.  

connection

 I “met” a pal named Lisa in a place called Flickr quite a few years ago now. I remember not long after we had exchanged a few comments and started to follow each other back and forth did she start to call me “pal”  Nobody had ever called me their pal before.  At first I thought it was maybe a silly kind of term, like “old buddy old pal” but the more I got to know Lisa the more that word started to feel enduring. Like when I think of pal I think of someone I would really want to hang out with. She was always so kind to me, left me encouraging messages and we encouraged each other in our arts.  We both loved our cameras.  Her talent though was deeper than a camera, her talent was connection.  She connected with others through her actions and her lens.  I took pictures of shadows, snails, “things” and myself.   She took pictures of souls. She captured moments and memories with people so well.  I really truly looked up to her.  

We were in a self portrait “class” together online.  We had one really talented class mate who took and still takes the coolest movement pictures, twirling and spinning, they are epic images, these pictures that move but not.  We all wanted to twirl with our class mate but Lisa said she didn’t own a skirt.  So I mailed her one of mine! She twirled in that skirt with her doc martins of course. It was good stuff.  I think it’s the only time she wore a skirt and it was my skirt and that was really cool. 

I remember I went through a period of taking what I called my morning mug shots and I had quite a collection of coffee mugs so I had lots of mug shots to share. Lisa was kind enough to not just mail me a mug but to make me a mug. Guess what it said on the mug?  “To my Pal Tracie” with a big sunshine!

Lisa was approaching her 50th and made some comment about wanting to read the book “Catcher in the Rye” before she turned 50, you know one of those things she wanted to check off her list.  She wasn’t exactly crazy about it but you know, you either love the book or you hate it. I think she wanted to see where she fell in, so I offered to read it with her, talk about it and stuff, sort of encourage her through it.  Turns out that book written by J.D. Salinger in 1951 used the word pal quite a lot and I got a kick out of that. She was real appreciative that I read that book with her because I kind of think her reading that book was a form of torture, so after we read that book and I sent her off a little birthday appreciation she sent me one of her t-shirts!!!  

Oh my word!  The t-shirt.  I felt like I won the lottery.  I don’t think she realized we were not just pals but I was a FAN of hers.  Like a real live fan.  Her HEART.   Her stories, her down to the bone real-ness.  I just loved so much about this woman I had never even met.  It’s crazy though cause although I have never met Lisa, I have met people who have met her and I would be like “like really, tell me, what is she like?”  And it was always, she is exactly who you think she would be, the real deal. 

We sort of got to see this book in the making and it took some time this book.  It took some real serious time and durning that time I watched her grow and grow because that’s what all really humble and good people do, they just keep growing until BOOM she full blown FLOURISHED.  She had this dream, she did and she never once gave up and she never once was a quitter.  She endured and while she kept her eye on her dream, she met people who she touched, she touched there lives and they touched hers.  It’s a mutual admiration. 

I was on cloud 9 when I heard it happened, it really happened the book became a real actual hold in your hands, see all this connection with your own two eyes kind of book.  It’s stunning and it’s filled with CONNECTION, FEELINGS AND it’s like being in her HOME.  I couldn’t be more proud of my pal.  She did it.  She showed me that dreams come true and connection is connection its very real and it matters. 

“My Great Hall”  I learned even more about Lisa when I read in her OWN words the history of this place where she took all these incredible photographs.  I got chills when I read about that old piano.  She found her HOME again as she said in her own words.  You know that saying “remember who you are and return”  she did it.  She really did and I’m so proud to call her my PAL.  This is just me, my story of how I know Lisa.  Can you imagine the stories out there? There are many and many more to come, this is just the beginning, I know it.

Raising a girl into a strong woman

“hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny”

— C.S. Lewis

How do I explain to our one and only daughter that the teenaged trials in life are part of what will shape her as a grown up.  I can share the story with her how when I was in high school the summer before my sophomore year I went away to a tall flag camp. 

Since I was part of the tall flags team we had an opportunity to go away to a camp to learn new skills and compete with other schools. I went to camp with a friend of mine who I grew up with.  We had some serious history the two of us.  We were suppose to room together.  That was the plan.  However if you can believe it, there was actually a cool, cute way hipper girl who was at the same camp, a grade ahead of us who my friend decided would be way more awesome to room with.  It broke my heart.  I didn’t understand.  Why wouldn’t she want to room with her buddy she had for all these years?  I was lucky though because a few of the girls on our team took me under their wing and invited me to room with them.  The entire weekend my long time friend was kind of rude to me, she wouldn’t talk to me, she didn’t really interact with me.  She even did a few intentional mean things to me.  It was torture.  I was so heart broken.  I called home one night while we were in the cafeteria, we didn’t have cell phones or social media.  My goodness had we, it could have been far worse.   I called my mom on the pay phone in tears.  I begged her to drive up and come get me.  I couldn’t stay here a minute longer.  

My mom didn’t come.  She told me I could do it.  She told me I was strong and that I would get through this.  She had faith in me.  She wasn’t the kind of mom to swoop in and rescue me from a tough spot.  She was a mom who taught me how to rise in times of adversity.  She taught me how to be strong.  Because things were not always easy and I had endured a few more events far worse than this high school story, it shaped me into the empathetic human being I am today, it showed me that grace is far more important than being rigid and “right.” It gave me insight to others who may have struggled with the bullies in their lives too.  I have forgiveness in my heart.  This gal who wouldn’t room with me turned out to be a really great human being herself.  She was sorry for the stuff she put me through in high school.  I wholeheartedly accepted her apologies and we are the best of friends even to this day.  

I want to teach my daughter the same lessons my wise mom taught me.  My mom never called my friends mom to give her a piece of her mind (although she kind of wanted to)  She instead just loved me, loved my friend and stayed out of our business. She had faith in me that I would figure it all out.  I did.  I always figured it out. We always patched things up and learned lessons from our mistakes.

I take these lessons with me today as we believe in our daughter,  show her support, love her deeply, encourage her strengths,  listen to her concerns, give her advice when she asks for it.  She can rise above.  We pray for her loads, we pray with her in times of tears,  we hold her, we hug her and we tell her how much she is loved. I don’t know if what we are doing is “right” we are just doing our best.  We also have two boys who are now men, high school was much different for the boys, we handled them differently because I have also realized each child has their own unique circumstances that should be dealt with accordingly.  Each child has their own story. 

I truly see such strength in this young woman.  I tell her she is strong in body, mind and spirit.  I need to show her through example that I too am strong, body, mind and spirt.  I can show her how my faith helps me through the rough times. I’m her best example of how to be a Godly women in today’s times.  Today’s times sure are different though with social media and texting and things I never had to experience.   So I use social media to send her, snaps and I text her quotes like this one; 

“hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.”  C.S. Lewis.  

I send her prayers like this one 

“Heavenly Father, help me to raise my eyes above my circumstances and focus on You.  Today I’m facing a battle, but thank You for overcoming this world through Jesus Christ.    John 16:33 

I remind her that she has God on her side, Romans 8:31

I remind her how we can only control ourselves and not the people around us and even with reminders her behavior isn’t exactly perfect but she for sure is 100% human, I’ve seen that side too.  And so we solider on.  We always solider on and learn from from this life and most especially in the rough spots. 

and most importantly.....WE NEVER GIVE UP because great things happen through our failures and persistance. She has already shown me this.   

it begins with a smile

A new project has been born.  Instead of collecting feathers on my walks I will collect broken glass, as much as my palm can carry.  There is plenty.  This morning early I went for a short walk around the school.  The poor earth worms don’t have a chance.  They are devoured each morning.  It’s kind of sad really.  

I was talking to my holistic coach about how I’m not a morning person but when I get up early and walk I absolutely love the sound of the morning, it’s like no other sound of the day.  I love the lighting, I love the morning air.  I love mostly that I don’t see people on my morning walks.  She asked if I was an introvert?  Of course I am.  She said, “that’s why you love morning walks, you can avoid people”  It’s not that I don’t love people, I LOVE people.  I can have some really good conversations with a PERSON, not people.  It made perfect sense.

It’s almost Friday.  Enjoy your day, give some love and find some love, it’s all around us and it starts with a smile.

Loving Who You Are, Where You Are

I’m so happy to be a part of Grace Notes Blog Hop!  Today I’m going to talk about loving who you are, where you are and I think this topic goes nicely with the awesome give-a-way that you will have an opportunity to win if you leave a comment below telling me how you embrace who you are, exactly where you are. I will choose a winner out of a hat and one lucky person will win a copy of   Field Guide to Everyday Magic.  It’s a beautiful book published by the makers of Bella Grace. It's perfectly sized so that you can carry it with you everywhere you go, fits nicely in your bag and can be pulled out any time you want to feel inspired. I can hardly wait!  I’m so excited for someone to win this beautiful book. I will also include a little something special to go along with the package.  

Please comment by September 7th for a chance to win a free copy of Field Guide to Everyday Magic.  Contest is open to U.S. residents.  International participants are eligible to receive a free digital edition of Bella Grace.  

I choose this topic because I know it’s relatable.  I know it’s something I have struggled with and I know not a single one of us has a life like the other.  Nobody knows what it’s like to be me, to live in my skin in my exact circumstances, just as I will never know how it is for you to live your life exactly where you are, in your skin and with your exact circumstances.  I’m not to discount any of your worries, anxieties or to think my worries are worse or your worries are worse.  My loss is bigger or your loss is bigger.  It’s all relative.  I do think we can agree though that sometimes we might struggle loving who we are, where we are. I want to share three practices that help me. If we don’t have tools we can’t fix what is broken.  

What I have found to work for me are these three things;  Gratitude, giving and and my faith.  My faith keeps me grounded and gives me hope every day.  These three things help me to love exactly who I am, where I stand, even if it sitting in my mom soccer sweatshirt on the kitchen floor. For example, when I go on a walk and my direct surroundings are dirty sidewalks, lacking nature I can focus on the trash or I can find the treasures.  Finding the treasures beats focusing on the trash any day. I can pick up a tiny pinecone and a broken piece of glass and find the beauty in them.  I can appreciate how ruffly the pinecone is made by our Creator, I can also appreciate the sharp round man made glass and see the beauty in each of them.  I can dwell on the traffic noise or I can focus on the suburban birds who balance on the high wires singing their morning praises.  It’s all a choice. I can choose to give out a smile or I can choose to look the other way.  I have experienced both and a returned smile not only makes me smile bigger it reaches into my heart and gives me a feeling of connection and instant joy.  

This isn’t easy.  It doesn’t come natural.  I believe with practice it starts to feel more natural but it takes practice.  It really does.  I have felt bitterness, I have focused on negative things.  I know this makes me feel heavy.  I know this makes my heart sad.  Knowing and doing, that’s the hard part.  I try and practice lots but this isn’t to say life’s surprises don’t throw me into a tailspin at times but these three practices pull me back, gratitude, giving and my faith.  

I can’t stop thinking about the mom who lost her baby,  the woman who battles each day fighting cancer.  The teenaged girl who hates her body or the friend who recently lost her mother.   How do they find their peace, their joy and how do they love who they are where they are?  It’s a choice for them too as difficult a hand they were dealt.  Life will continue to throw us these crazy curve balls, it will never stop.  I believe it’s to teach us empathy, to make us stronger so we can then help others.  There is always a purpose and since we only get one chance, shouldn’t it be our choice to find the beauty in the mess? I promise, there is always beauty around us and there is always an opportunity to give.  

This morning I had the opportunity to go for a stroll around the school across the street from our house.  Every since I had cardamom in my coffee at that place in Huntington Beach, I have been making my french press with a spoonful of cardamom and a few mint leaves to float on top.  It felt special there and it feels special here too.  I try and be mindful as I make the coffee and listen to the water kettle whistle when it’s done, watch the sunlight and shadows on the tile counters, I love to use the handmade ceramic spoon that Gina made me to scoop the cardamom into the coffee grounds.  I’m nervous about North Korea and the news gives me anxiety.  I know it’s reality but sometimes a nice cup of coffee and a walk around the school can be good for my anxiety and helps to get my mind off the news for a little bit.  Motorcycle man loves to watch the news each morning and night, me not so much but I do get bits of it because the t.v. is simply on. 

I walk out the front door I’m thankful that our boys made it home safely from the night before, to see their cars parked in the driveway and out front is a feeling of gratitude right off the bat.  I take my cup of coffee with me so it’s more of a stroll than a serious power walk.  I want to take it all in before I get started with my day.  I don’t do this often, it’s actually very rare but today I had the opportunity.  I keep proclaiming that I’m not a morning person, yet I love mornings the most. 

I begin my walk on the west side of the school, the side we live on.  I immediately begin to notice the trash in my path, the fast food wrappers, the empty “prescription” weed container, the broken glass.  I want to pick it all up but if I picked it ALL up I would be bending over every few seconds and I immediately feel anger and frustration.  Why do people think it’s OK to just leave their trash? I talk to myself a lot in my head and reel myself back in, take my own advice.  Focus on the good.  Just focus on the good.  I look at the grass instead, the part that is green and has dew sparkling on the individual blades, already I’m feeling better.  Then I turn the corner to the north side of the school and the dew begins to really shimmer and shine, it looks like diamonds scattered on the grass.  It feels a little naked on this side without the big, tall palm trees but I’m getting used to the little trees that have pink flowers that replaced the gigantic palms, the trees that have yellow flowers too, it will be nice to watch them grow and mature and go through their seasons. 

As I get to the east side of the school I start to notice the poor little earthworms that the ants seem to like to attack, then I think about being in school again.  I remember that when kids are different the pack likes to pick on them.  It’s easy to pick on others who are different when the rest band together and are all the same. Since I’m already past school age and have grown children and one still in school I know that the different kids begin to stand out in the world.  They are strong for what they endured and they were given the gift of empathy and deep love for others. I think about painting those pretty rocks for the kids at this school to find on their way to and from school like and Easter egg hunt.  I picture myself painting the rocks and hiding them on my walks. 

I turn the last corner on the south side and get to watch my tall shadow walk in front of me. I listen to the birds and feel grateful for another day.  That I woke up and that I can actually walk freely in the morning. Grateful that I can come home and type out all the thoughts that whirled inside my head as I walked all four sides of the school today.  

Thursday night shenanigans

We did something totally fun and out of the ordinary for a Thursday night.  Let me tell you something about me.  I’m usually up for about any kind of adventure (except jumping out of an airplane) that being said, I don’t plan much.  I don’t come up with too many ideas, I don’t know what’s hip and cool. I live in some alternative planet (my mind) and it often leaves me totally out of the loop on the NOW and forget about talking in abbreviations because it takes me way too long to figure out what’s being said in that shorthand way of talking.  

So when I meet someone who is in the KNOW and likes to plan adventures and actually invites me, well, heck yeah I’m IN.  Especially if said person does the driving (lol)  That’s a whole other story.  I have sensitive breaks…what can I say, and I don’t like left hand turns and a bunch of other driving “things”  it’s complicated.

My friend invited us to the Urban lights and a little Melrose Avenue wall art fun.  We left our side of town by around 6:30 so it didn’t give us a ton of time before the sun began to set but we sure found a way to have those few hours be worthwhile.   I really should consider bringing my “big” camera out of retirement, once we got there I was truly regretting that I didn’t bring her along, she has always been my long time faithful friend. All the pictures I share in this blog and there will be lots because it was hard to narrow them down, were all taken with my iphone. 

Let me end by saying my new friend said she needed an Ethel because of course she is Lucy.  To that I say, I’ll be her Ethel any day even though I secretly want to be Lucy (giggle)  Either way it’s a comedy of errors when we meet up with our girls.  It’s for sure great quality mother daughter friend time.   I feel truly blessed by the friendship we share and that our girls can be good friends too. 

GOLDEN MILK

I was first introduced to Golden Milk…only my friend called it tea a few years back. She gave me the recipe to make it from scratch and I did and I loved it but it was a little bit of work so I didn’t make it very often.  In my old blog I explain how to make it from scratch  HERE

Yesterday I made a special trip to a store called Mother’s and this store has all kinds of really great healthy options. I wanted to share the golden milk mixture I found there yesterday.  It’s much quicker and easier than the one I used to make.  The ingredients are nice and simple too.  It contains turmeric, black pepper, vanilla, ashwagandha, cardamom and dates.  It’s vegan, gluten and dairy free and no GMO’s.  In case you might wonder what Ashwagandha is because I did, it’s a root with lots of really great benefits.  Really great for me because it promotes things like graceful aging, menopausal support, memory support, mood booster and even fertility.  Crazy good.  I have luckily discovered the exact golden milk mixture I purchased for 20.00 at Mothers on Amazon for $12.34.  Just search Gaia Herbs Golden Milk, 3.7 Ounce  on Amazon and it will pop right up.

I made mine with hemp milk and it became a dairy beverage when I added the grass fed organic butter.  Here it is in the high 80’s and a bit humid for these parts and I’m snuggled in with a great book and a hot cup of golden milk. I just couldn’t wait until fall to try it. 

It’s good.  I would recommend it and yes even $12.34 is a little much but I believe it will make many hot cozy drinks this fall and winter and with all it’s health benefits it’s well worth it.  It helps better digestion,  soothes a headache, anti-inflammatory, helps fight against colds, boosts good cholesterol and even aids in weight loss support.  Of course I’m not a professional so please don’t take all I have to say here as the “golden rule” but do your own research, check it out and try it.  I think it tastes really great and feels like a treat.  If you are a local friend stop by my house this winter for a cozy cup. Be warned though turmeric stains and loves to leaves it’s mark.  

Mother Daughter Project

This summer has been what I like to call the summer of Niall. Abbie took on a sheep project with her school agriculture class and it was a very big responsibility and huge undertaking. She finished this project last week and we have a little free time before school picks up again in a couple of weeks. 

We planned a mother daughter trip with another mother and another daughter, so let’s just call it a girls trip.  It was a short trip but it was a really fun trip.  We drove up to Ventura to spend one night away.  We shared a lot of laughs, yummy meals, a bike ride along the beach and a little shopping around town.  Abbie scored with a really darling shirt from Goodwill for one dollar and fifty cents. I’m so glad she is open to alternative shopping. 

We also decided to drop by Urth Caffe on our way home from Ventura. The one we stopped at happened to be in the art district so we also got to see some really beautiful art walls and take a few pictures.  It’s been such a long while since I shared mother daughter photo’s on my blog.  These are some of the pictures we took on our way home that I really love.  I also really love that my 15 year old Sophomore still loves spending time with her mama.

travel

It’s been such a while since I sat down to update my blog.  It seems I have trouble doing too many things at one time.  However today I was inspired.  I was inspired in a few beautiful ways.  I got home to some really cool snail mail.  You see a while back I met a new friend.  She read my article in Bella Grace, the one about our Mother Daughter photo project and it lead her to my blog and she was kind enough to send me an email telling me how she enjoyed the article.  Let me just say, that never happens.  I will get my few comments from my mom, or a really close family friend but very rarely do I get an email from a complete stranger who is brave enough to tell me she read my words and looked at my pictures and it touched her in some way.  I think people like that are especially brave and kind and I wonder sometimes why there are not more people who share their thoughts as they might happen, and especially if they are good, kind and encouraging thoughts.  I was leery at first because her name was Chris.  Chris can be a male or female name.  Not that I have anything against males but I keep it as a general rule not to have conversations on the internet with other men when I’m head over heels in love with motorcycle man.  It’s just one of my own personal rules.  I was cautious in my reply, yet I wanted Chris to know that I appreciated the words of encouragement that were sent.  Chris responded back and even ended up inviting me to join a group word a day photo challenge.  Just my kind of thing to do right?  So I had to in a round about way, ask Chris a few questions to figure out if Chris was a woman friend.  Sure enough Chris was a woman and I believe her, I really do!  I believe we met sometime at the first of this year.  She seemed to be filled with a lively spirt and one of adventure.  And so a friendship of sorts was formed.   I know, I know sounds weird but this is what happened. 

I sent her a little package with some folded up cranes and a little note and the funniest part about that was, it actually got to her when I completely didn’t write the number address on the envelope, just the street name!  Good work U.S. mail!  We laughed about that and thought it was quite magical how it seemed to find it’s way to her without an actual number address.  She then suggested we send each other post cards from places we might visit.  Yes! Yes!  let’s keep snail mail alive please!  I of course agreed.  Only…….I don’t get out much.  My car mostly travels to work and into my hometown.  Anyplace out of that and I’m lost.  I get lost A LOT if it’s not my own backyard.  Turns out Chris travels quite a lot!  I think I sent her one post card to her dozen and I didn’t even go that far just a few hours away.  I mean I’ve been to San Francisco since she and I became post card pen pals but that trip was a complete whirlwind and I didn’t find time to buy a postcard:(  

Today when I got home there was a package from Chris and inside the package was a really cool travel journal. Her words to me in her card was this:

WONDERLUST: (n) A strong desire or urge to wander or travel and explore the world.  Adventure awaits!  xo Chris

I find excuses not to travel.  I think work is more important, I think I never have enough money.  I mean the saddest thing to think about is the time my sister lived in France for 5 years and not once, not one time did I get a passport and jump on an airplane to see where she lived.  I kept making the excuse of not having enough time or money.  That’s really sad you know.  In fact she invited me this year to spend the month of August with her in France as she visits her mother and father-n-law.  This summer we couldn’t because littlest and only girl has a commitment to Niall her sheep.  I told my sister that when our littlest and only girl graduates in three years I promise I will visit France with her.  

I’m thankful for connection.  I’m thankful for being open to meet new friends.  I believe with my whole heart that most people are good and that we learn from others.   I think Chris will teach me to ignite my spirit of adventure!

Mrs. Ostgaard taught me something new today

“It’s strange indeed how memories can lie dormant in a man’s mind for so many years. Yet those memories can be awakened and brought forth fresh and new, just be something you’ve seen, or something you’ve heard, or the sight of an old familiar face.”

— Wilson Rawls, Where the Red Fern Grows

Today I had the honor and privilege to attend a beautiful memorial for a teacher who taught not just one of our boys but both of them.

It’s been 11 years since Austin had Mrs. Ostgaard for his 5th grade teacher and it’s been 7 years since Dylan had her for his 5th and final year of elementary school.  She didn’t have cancer with Austin and by the time it was Dylan’s turn, she had been diagnosed and like the warrior she was, she had beat it and was in remission.  Do you know how glad I was that my second born son would have the privilege to have her as his teacher too?  I’m a little bit shy in general so I never really had the courage to express my gratitude in person to Mrs. Ostgaard and when my mother-n-law stopped by one morning a couple of weeks ago to tell me that Mrs. Ostgaard was on hospice, we prayed together for Mrs. O and yes, the tears rolled down my cheeks.  “Why Mrs. Ostgaard, why?” We talked about writing her a letter so she would be able to know the impact she had on our lives, on our kids lives but little did we know at the time, she was already gone.  She went to be with the Lord on Mothers Day.  Even though I didn’t have the opportunity to write her a letter when she was still here on earth, I can do it now.  

Dear Mrs. Ostgaard, 

I first want to tell you that when my boys were in elementary school I was the kind of mom who prayed to God that He would give my kids the exact teacher they needed.   I was never the kind of mom to go to the principal and try and get the teacher I thought would be good for my kids.  I trusted that who they received would be exactly who they needed.  Little did I know that when Austin my first born got you for his 5th grade teacher that you would impact his life from that year on.  You see that particular year you had a couple of kids with the name Austin.  You naturally decided to give my Austin a nick name and you called him “Ace”  I’m pretty sure you knew exactly what you were doing too because my son had low self esteem.  He was very bright and could talk to just about any adult but he didn’t exactly mesh well with the majority of kids his same age,  he wasn’t the most coordinated and he was a little chunky and kids kind of made fun of him but when you gave him that name, it changed so many things.  He held his head a little higher and it made him feel special.  You gave him value and not just you but the other kids began to pick up on it and even the roughest kid at school went on to call him Ace in middle school and was always very kind to the little outsider. 

I remember Ace’s year was my first experience with your tradition of apple pie.  Yes, I couldn’t believe you were going to teach all of 5th grade how to bake a homemade from scratch apple pie!

When you told me you would be reading “Where the Red Fern Grows” to your class.  I was so excited to know you would be reading that book to the kids because it was my grandpa’s most favorite book and he had passed before Ace was born.  I remember asking you, “How do you read that book to your kids without crying at the end?”  and you simply said, “I do cry, every single time, I cry!”  That’s when I really knew you were the real deal.  

I still have the paper mache bowl that you taught Ace to make and submit to the fair. I’m super sentimental. It holds my colored pens.  

 Four years later my second born son got you for his 5th grade teacher and I was so happy, I wanted Dylan to be able to get to know you how Ace got to know you too and I just had this feeling that you were especially made to be a teacher for boys.  Maybe I’m wrong but it was just this vibe you put off that boys were special, that while some teachers complained that boys could be a little rowdy or unruly, you seemed to “get them”  I had heard you had cancer and I could see this time around you used a cane and had a little bit of a limp but again I was so shy, I was nervous to ask but really just so you know what I wanted to do was hug you tight and tell you how glad I was that you made it, that you were still here to teach my second born son.  Again, I didn’t do that.  Kind of like the quote I opened this up with, it is pretty true how memories can come fresh again when we have heard or seen something that brings them back to life.  That’s what your memorial did for me today.  It just flooded my mind and heart with all those awesome memories.  But it also taught me a lesson, it taught me today that even if I’m a little shy I choose not to let that stand in my way any longer.  Next time I see someone that I want to hug or tell them how grateful I am for them, I’m just going to do it.  I promise I will because I’m pretty sure that’s what you would do.   I also want to thank you for walking in the light of Jesus, that your love for Jesus was passed on to my children and even though they went to a public school, they had a lovely Christian example right before their very eyes each day while they were in your class.  That’s invaluable.  Thank you Mrs. Osgaard, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.  You made such a big difference in our lives. We always, always think of you when we crank out the best apple pie ever.  Our recipe is tattered and has butter stains, it’s well used and just like when I see roses I think of grandpa, when we make that apple pie or even have a slice from someplace else, we will think of you and say a little prayer of gratitude.  

Love Tracie, Ace and Dylan's Mom

Still swimming

In one years time I gained 20 pounds bringing me to the heaviest weight I have been in my entire lifetime.  I remember when 150 was my heaviest weight of my entire lifetime.  Now I just wish I could get below 170 and I still have a hard time believing I reached 193 pounds.  

65 days ago I decided to makes some changes.  I decided to invest in my health.  Literally pay a professional to help me do it the right way.  Maritza has taught me so many awesome new health tips.  I feel like each and every day I get better and better.  

Instead of bashing myself for not completely transforming in 65 days and staying the same exact weight for 3 whole weeks,  let me focus on the good stuff.  Let me treat myself the way I would treat my daughter, my best friend, my mom or grandma.  I would say things like this:

You have lost 17 pounds in 65 days! You are almost at 20 pounds!!  Do you know what 20 pounds of fat looks like?  Do you realize you are almost 20 pounds lighter?  You have done fantastic!

Do you notice your skin looks radiant?  It does!  It shines like the silver moon.  

Remember every day around lunch time you got a mean case of indigestion?  It burned and was super uncomfortable and made you feel anxious when it reared it’s ugly head every single day?  Guess what?  You don’t have indigestion any more! 

Remember when you would get home from work and had zero motivation to do much of anything except lay in your dark room until you had to pick up your littlest and only girl from school?  Then on the way home from school you wanted to stop for something sweet and for sure some caffeine because you were not sure how you would last the rest of the night?

Now you get home from work and do a load of laundry, clean the bathroom, wash the windows and can’t wait to get back home to go on a walk.  Not stopping any longer for a caffeine drink to get you by.  

Remember at night when you would be sitting to watch t.v. and had to get up to use the restroom or get a handful of chocolate chips and when you got up you felt like an old woman?  Really stiff and had to work it out and wonder “is this old age?”  

Now when you get up you feel already warmed up and flexible. What a relief, you are not old after all!

When I began this journey I was depressed, I was unmotivated, stiff, achy with a terrible case of indigestion.  All of that has changed completely in just 65 days and I’m so very close to having 20 pounds gone off my petite frame.  Let me focus on that!  Not get frustrated for staying the same weight for 3 whole weeks. Getting healthy takes time, it takes persistence and it doesn’t happen over night.  Wednesday I felt like I was swimming in circles but I was still swimming, now the current has picked me up just like I knew it would.  

This week I have set a few small goals. Check them out!  

Physically:  I will work with man cub on my core.  He worked me out today and I worked up a sweat.  He has committed this week to helping his mama bear.  I’m grateful. 

Emotionally:  I’m going to sit still for 5 minutes a day.  I know that seems like such a small amount of time but it’s 5 minutes more than I’m doing now. In that time I can pray and meditate on my gratitude. 

Nutritionally:  I decided to begin my day with a warm cup of lemon water and then end my night with a warm cup of lemon water

Spiritually: Open my Bible each day and READ it!

I’m giving myself the grace of 2 free days, my goal is to check these boxes 5 of the 7 days.  If I do better that’s awesome but I will strive for 5.  That’s all for now.  Just letting you know that I’m still swimming over here!

pictures tell a story

Pictures really can tell a story and I would love to share the favorite pictures of our day.  I wrote the memory of when we took his belongings up to him a year ago and helped move the city kids into their new lives and today I write about the day we packed the city kids up for their new summer adventures.  

We set the alarm Friday night for 2:30 a.m. and when paper airplane began to play on my alarm I was immediately excited at the prospects of our day.  We were jumping into the truck to drive 6 hours up north to pack up our first born son.  

The very best time to travel through Los Angeles is 3:30 a.m. it was a breeze.  We were in the wide open land in about an hours time.   We start in the city for a small amount of time we travel a majority through farmland to end up in another city.  The expanse in-between is fairly large. I used to think it was boring and ugly but thankfully years have opened my eyes and heart to the beauty of it’s open space the scent of the sweet soil, the golden expanse with patches of orchards and grapevines all along the way.  I have not however embraced the two large dairy farms that we pass coming and going, it’s the smell that socks me straight in the face.  

We pulled up to 999 Bush by 9:30 a.m.  Traffic is our enemy in Los Angeles and parking is our enemy in San Francisco.  We got kind of lucky and the 30 minute meter was open.  We plugged that meter for several rounds while one person stayed watch at the truck and the rest of us packed and carried boxes and bags.  The 2 hour spot opened and we shifted the truck up to that available meter. That took some pressure off.  

There was a moment or several moments of panic when we thought maybe all their belongings wouldn’t fit in our truck and motorcycle man began to make phone calls to U-Haul and Enterprise to get a second possible vehicle.  NOTHING was open for our one way trip request and a mini van from Enterprise one way was over $600.00.  Praying and believing started to set in like second nature after my first nature was to freak out and panic. Our saving grace was Starshine’s mama who was also making a trip to L.A. and we packed her car full with bags.  It all worked out in the end.  We got every single belonging out of the 16x16 foot studio apartment into the faithful Ford F150 short bed with a little rack we attached to the back which ended up just holding the office chair, rabbit cage and large area rug.  Rich inherited his stellar packing and tie down skills from his Papa Bear and knowing he was equipped with those mad talents took my worry completely away.   I knew we were packed safe and solid.  

We were out of San Francisco in less than 5 hours and on the road again headed towards Los Angeles.  Once in Los Angeles we can be to our suburban little town in about 20 minuets so we always get happy to see the city lights knowing we are almost home.  

This week our second born man cub graduates high school and we now have the job of placing all that stuff someplace so we have room to celebrate Dylan’s accomplishments by Tuesday.  We are so grateful for a long weekend, we are grateful for traveling mercies, we are grateful for a healthy family, we are grateful for this beautiful life we have been blessed with.  WE ARE HOME!

so much further to go

“be strong. You never know who you’re inspiring”

— F-Bomb - Bath bomb

How is it that I seem to get the exact message I need the exact time I need it?

Our 24th wedding anniversary is on May 22nd (Monday) We went away Friday after work and returned home late Sunday morning.  Rich surprised me with a little get-a-way in Laguna Beach, while this isn’t far from home it felt worlds away.  This month has been challenging trying to make healthy choices, get more steps in and in general be a healthier person.  I joined a 30 day brave challenge to keep me motivated on my life style change.  That’s helped but because May has always been a month of major celebration it’s been hard.  I go two steps forward then three steps back.  I have announced to the internet and whomever is reading my blog and updates on IG and FB that I’m on this what I call “health journey”  I feel like it holds me accountable in ways.  

While I have changed my eating habits quite a bit I have also experienced some discomfort with my legs.  I already had a major flare up and infection came up in my right leg.  My health coach told me it was a good sign.  Toxins coming out.  Some people have stomach issues and bathroom issues where their toxins release, me, it’s the skin.  This weekend I had another major flare up and by Sunday I had a hard time walking comfortably.  Super red, raised and tight, two volcano’s ready to erupt.  Tonight I decided to bite the bullet and take what Maritza calls the natural antibiotic.  One tablespoon of raw honey, cayenne pepper and one garlic clove.  So I did it,  I have been afraid to try it for fear of reeking of garlic but I felt desperate tonight.  I also put honey over the infected area’s and hoping by morning the poison will have found it’s way out.  

I have had the challenges of special celebrations, birthdays, Mothers Day, our anniversary then there is the infection that keeps rearing it’s ugly head,  or the sleepless nights when all I do is scratch my already flared up wounds.  My cousin Jeanie told me endurance should be my word as I have claimed the catch phrase “Keep Swimming” 

Today was a day of defeat.  I felt depressed and this could have something to do with the way I have eaten lately. This month I have had way less sugar than my old ways but I have still had some treats.  This month I treated myself to a vegan cinnamon roll, one sprinkles cupcake and a chocolate lava cake dessert on mothers day.  While this isn’t terrible it’s been hard this month. When I got home today I slept.  I slept because I didn’t know what else to do.  I felt like giving up.  

I ended up making good choices for dinner and stopping by Sprouts to set myself up for success this week.  Then I took a bath and guess what?  That darn bath bomb had the most perfect message once again.  

I’m not giving up.  Even though I feel like it.  I’m holding the word endurance close as I keep on swimming.  Because as I love to say…..THE JOURNEY IS LONG and I have so much FURTHER TO GO.