today is the first day of my 45th year

This morning when I woke up I had lived a complete 44 years and I was on the first day of my 45th year.  From the moment I woke up the day was beautiful.  Every single thing about the first day of my 45th year was perfect.  I felt completely loved.  Fully blessed.   

By the time I thought to take a picture of myself on this day it was late.  I used the light of the bathroom and shot.  It doesn’t look as though this person in this portrait is filled with joy, but I assure you....she IS.   

I could list far more good things than bad but why is it the few bad seem to have this control to gulp up the good.  I felt fat, my face complexion was subpar.  My legs still filled with sores, inflamed and itchy.  Completely imperfect.  Yes.  This is how I felt.  I felt completely loved.  I felt appreciated and I felt imperfect.  

I said to myself.  “What will it take?”  “What will it take to fully care for myself and love who I was created to be?”  The sores on my legs, the way they burn are but tiny inconveniences compared to the starving, the homeless, the terminally ill. Do I choose to just give up?  Or do I choose to WO-man up and take care of this body, this mind, this spirit?  

This look isn’t of sadness.  It’s of reflection.  Reflection of the good 44th year I lived.  I’m sort of sad to wave goodbye to the 44th year.  I’m rather fond of double digits.  I was so overjoyed when our table number ticket was number 22 today at lunch.  I’m so happy that each day is a new day.  That its never too late.  Most of all.  I’m thankful for grace.  Because I truly couldn’t live without it.  It’s a soft pillow each and every single day.  I’m so thoughtless, clumsy and selfish so often.  I have to really work hard against those terrible things that come more natural.  The things that happen when ones not intentional.  It’s easy to throw your hands up.  To give up.  It’s much harder to persevere.  Let’s make a promise to never, ever give up.

Here is to a really great 45th year of intentional thinking.  Writing down milestones and blessings.  Putting them on paper to remember for a good long time.  

Thursday Fullerton Farmers Market

hello.  I’m a little bit frustrated that my friends and family are not getting my updates from the page I created to follow my blog.  Apparently, I DO NOT KNOW what I’m doing just yet.  

WEEK 1

That aside, today I want to talk about the spring time farmers market that happens in the town I grew up in.  Each Thursday for the past five weeks I have hit up our local market to buy mostly things to juice.  I bought my beautiful basket from Share & Do Good and each Thursday I have filled it up this basket with goodness.  On Fridays I like to make our sweet juice which usually involves beets, carrots, pineapple, apples and ginger of course….so GOOD.  It’s very sweet though so Austin and I decided it would be good to only do this juice on Fridays.  

WEEK 2

Below are the pictures of my weekly baskets.  This month I was on a roll and didn’t miss one market.  Today I even had to go early because Abbie and I are off to watch the Wizard of Oz….or as little Aussie used to say…the Lizard of Oz.    

WEEK 3

WEEK 4

WEEK 5

Happy Weekend!!

things lately and most importantly - he turns 20 on this day

I have so much to talk about really so much.  I have been really busy lately.  This is good because I have been busy spending time with people I love and that’s very important to do.  I don’t feel too bad about not spending time in my new blog space.  I’m still getting used to it here.  I really miss the community of wordpress but i love the modern simple feel of this space.  I suppose it’s like getting used to a new car.  Yep, got one of those too.  Austin will be taking over my jeep so it stays in the family and I will drive something different.  I park the new car in the garage but I’m not all about cars not to say I don’t appreciate this new space aged vehicle, I just don’t think it’s something to talk about in depth.    

Also my oldest son turns 20 today.  That’s mind blowing.  MIND BLOWING.  I made a video for him to honor the years he has lived so far.  In this video he reads a poem he wrote.  I hope he likes what I put together for him.  It was my April project.  It took some time this one.  I of course see all the flaws like when I was filming my computer screen to use the baby footage but I’ll try and set that aside.

click HERE  to see the video time capsule

If you want to see his video the secret word is love. 

Lastly, I’m excited about the Polaroid Impulse SE, I picked up while shopping at Savers this past Friday.  I also found a warehouse literally around the corner from where I work where I bought a pack of impossible film.  This film is like pure gold.  It’s pricey and for only eight shots.  So I have decided to make this a Polaroid self portrait project.  I will take a photo every Monday for 8 weeks.  This is my first attempt.  I call it eyes without a face.  I need to see how to not use the flash.  Such a learning curve.  But I’m stoked.  This also teaches me a lesson of patience.  I can hardly wait until next Monday. 

Good Apple -vs- Bad Apple

Do you remember the good apple and the bad apple?   I blogged about being a skeptic when I read Danielle Leporte’s post that I saw on Facebook.  I was like “really?”  People yes! yes! 100% if you speak kindly and build up another human they will thrive, succeed, believe!  But apples?  Yeah right.  

11 days ago we sliced an apple.  We even gave the slightly bruised not as pretty apple and placed in the good apple jar.  We sort of spaced them apart a little and began our praise and trash talk.  I think my niece next door got the most into this experiment.  She even spoke loudly and with much enthusiasm the positive way and negative way.  I have to admit I felt a slight bit crazy (koo koo imagine jack black)  talking to these apples.  I would say to the good apple “you are worthy, you are beautiful, you are strong, you got this!”  and to the bad apple I would say “you are worthless, you will never amount to anything, you suck”  Well, to my big big surprise.  This experiment totally worked.  They both began to rot but the bad apple at a much more accelerated rate.  

12 DAYS LATER APRIL 22, 2015 - EARTH DAY WHOOT WHOOT!!

And get this, the good apple only pretty much began to rot where it was already slightly bruised  AND in our world, it’s bruise was even shaped like a heart.  I can’t make this up, this is real live stuff.  Try it.  I dare you.  However as Moon Rebel puts it…..to be a “real scientist”  I need to do this experiment repeatedly to get true and accurate results.  

TOTALLY A WONKY HEART!!  

In the future I hope to share with anyone who cares to come visit my blog the progress of the little or should I say, sort of big bookcase we got for FREE from Aunt Lynn whose school library was going to toss this once whitewashed bookcase, now a pretty cheerful yellow.   So far it has it's new paint, wheels to roll it around so we can get to the equally awesome backside.  It's a doublesided bookcase!  We had to remove our awesome postal pix photo shared heart on our wall.  So I still have double sided tape to remove.  This wall will be re-painted a vibrant peacock blue with bright orange artwork above it.  Color is my friend.   For now....here she is. Sorry mom, I should have washed down the door to the garage.  

Backstory to 10:00 a.m. in the desert

This month we are in 10:00 a.m. This means we must take our image anywhere between 10:00 a.m. and 10:59 a.m.  I was in the desert when inspiration struck.  We had this trip planned and I knew without a doubt I would take my camera along.  The morning we were getting ready to leave I thought, perfect the desert is blooming and it’s in the 10:00 a.m. hour, time to shoot.  Finding the beauty in the landscape wasn’t that hard.  It was all around me, blue, blue vibrant sky, dusty desert ground and desert flowers bursting with color.  Had I planned ahead, I mean really thought it out this self portrait would have been much more interesting.  Perhaps a colorful skirt blowing with the wind, an interesting hat, a twirl?  None of that happened because it was a spur of the moment thought.  The thought to include myself in the desert landscape.  I bought a remote (I think it needs a better or new battery because it doesn’t work like it should) So I forget that dumb thing and go to my OLD WAYS.  

This means, finding a rock to set my camera on, guessing where the focus will be, setting the 10 second timer and jogging to my spot where I’m then suppose to look like I was just standing there waiting to have my picture taken.  First take!  In focus.  So I was good with it.  This method sometimes takes a dozen or more tries.  I decided not to pose.  To just be.  I was wearing what I typically might be seen in on a lazy weekend day.  comfy pants, a t-shirt, flip flops.  It’s so unassuming really, nothing fancy about it.  But you see that’s what I like.  I like that it’s the real me, the regular run of the day mill me.  Under those glasses even there wasn’t a stitch of make up.  My hair wasn’t even combed just pulled back with a band. I also might normally criticize my shape, or lack of being in shape but again, my favorite part is how real of a moment it was.  That was when I decided this would be the photo for hours and I could still include the desert flowers if I layered them atop my self portrait.  

This is my backstory behind 10:00 a.m. in the California desert. 

This is how it really went

I couldn’t wait to get home from work today so I could have the most perfect cup of tea.  I tried it just yesterday from who other than…..are you ready?  I just love her…Angela Liddon  “oh she glows” has the best recipe for a green tea that’s supposed to give your metabolism a boost!  I made a few adjustments but basically it’s her tea.  Oh so good.  There were three things I was looking forward to when I got home today.  

That perfect cup of tea

The peanut butter cookie dough balls (also from the cook book “oh she glows”)

AND 

Best of all reading chapter 4 of “The Giver” with littlest and only girl

it’s not all rainbows and sunshine you know.  The real truth of how the tea was prepared is seen below.  My messy countertop from this morning.  Yep..real glamorous right?  Just being real.  

Then after I made this perfect cup of amazing tea…that’s what it should be called you know.  I took a picture or two with my timer….below.  And here I am now.  Writing about my most perfect cup of tea as it’s luke warm but still mighty tasty.  I  know you are like “come on already tell me what’s in that tea!”

One tea bag of green tea with macha.  Fresh and Easy brand.  I’m still in serious mourning that the store I went to nearly 4 times a week for 5 years is gone.  sigh.  Literally I just sighed.  

Oh back to the tea.  

One tea bag of green tea with macha

I boiled my water in my pretty orange tea pot

The lid fell off and the steam burned my fingers (just a little)

This was after I visited the restroom to find the toilet paper had been used up

Luckily I saw before I sat down

I went to the garage to get a new roll

I then dropped the new roll in the toilet

I over re-acted and Abbie thought I found Pablo dead…nope, just dropped the TP in the toilet

so I got another roll

okay back to the tea

One bag of green tea with macha

boil water, put a few ice cubs in so it’s not too bitter when you seep your tea

seep tea 3 minutes

Put the juice of half a grapefruit in 

then the juice of half a lemon

a dash of cayenne pepper

I put it back in the microwave for 45 seconds to warm it back up

then a little tiny spoonful of organic grapefruit honey we got on the side of the road on our way back from Julian.  

 SO GOOD

grace

Grace

I’m grateful for Gods loving Grace

I can feel its complete embrace

As I stumble  through my days

I’m thankful that we are 

NOT

expected to be perfect in every single way

We were created with a need

A need for something greater

It keeps us seeking

Reading

Learning

Praying

Waiting

Patiently 

for the plan to unravel

and it’s most always not what we thought it would be

Which is quite exciting

Life’s great adventure

My final day of the challenge, however I failed to do this five days in a row.  That's where the grace comes in;)

I have been invited by basildonkitchens aka Connie my cosmic twin  to the Five Photos, Five Stories Challenge: “Post a photo each day for five consecutive days and attach a story to the photo. It can be fiction or non-fiction, a poem or a short paragraph and each day nominate another blogger for the challenge”.  I discovered Connie’s beautiful blog when I was on wordpress and noticed right off the bat we had some things in common.  I admire her talent for making gorgeous quilts, her love of the sea and of course Mr. Sock Monkey, he gets me every time.  When I want to get away and look at beautiful things, I come visit Connie.  She keeps herself busy with a photo a day challenge she faithfully participates in with fat mum slim.  

I'm not sure if Cathy Knee Deep in Weeds will accept this challenge because she does a fine job of giving us words of wisdom without any prompts.  She has such a beautiful blog space and I'm grateful for Cathy because she helped me so much while I was building this blog.  I'm not sure I could have made my follow page without her...or at least it may have taken me about a week longer to figure it out.  I'm fortunate also that I have met Cathy and spent some good time with her, she is everything I imagined her to be....wise, warm, open and full of love to the very brim, living and feeling her life deeply with great appreciation. 

Whew.  That does it for me and this challenge.  

everything looks better in black and white....or does it?

Everything looks better in black and white.  Everything?  Well I should say, most things.  Some things must be seen in color.  Like a rainbow, or a field of blooming flowers.  When I was little the best part about the wizard of oz was when it turned to color but in most instances I prefer black and white and especially in portraits.  

Today my back aches cause of the stress I give it.  I get all rattled sometimes at my job.  My main position is MONEY.  I’m just going to say it,  "makes the world go round."   I have to generate the money…keep it coming. And you know there are a lot of people who don't like to pay their bills, even when the work has been complete.  It can be stressful.  I let it get to me, so my neck hurts my back aches and yep…you guessed it, I’m scratching my legs like a mad woman cause somehow I think this gives me some sort of relief.  Next….how to break a bad habit? Anyone know?

Back to today.  So today I came home and decided to take a picture of this person who feels stressed, who has redness around her nose because she has a dry patch/rash that will not go away, the girl who went to bed with wet hair and just got up and put a clip in it without even combing it.  The girl who doesn’t feel very pretty today.  But I happen to know a few tricks that even when one is feeling all these things, one might still be able to “trick” others into thinking she is radiant, confident and ready for the world.  It’s called....... find the light.  My bedroom window.  Second use the super cool app called TinType, next just smile a little bit…but mean it.  Think of something nice.  And there you have it.  A Self Portrait that isn’t all that bad.  I’m not saying I’m all that but I’m saying…you simply do not know the history of my day by looking at a mere photograph.  Just remember that.  Looks are deceiving.  They really are. 

SEE WHAT I MEAN?

This is day four of my five day challenge.  Just an image with words.  

I have been invited by basildonkitchens aka Connie my cosmic twin  to the Five Photos, Five Stories Challenge: “Post a photo each day for five consecutive days and attach a story to the photo. It can be fiction or non-fiction, a poem or a short paragraph and each day nominate another blogger for the challenge”.  I discovered Connie’s beautiful blog when I was on wordpress and noticed right off the bat we had some things in common.  I admire her talent for making gorgeous quilts, her love of the sea and of course Mr. Sock Monkey, he gets me every time.  When I want to get away and look at beautiful things, I come visit Connie.  She keeps herself busy with a photo a day challenge she faithfully participates in with fat mum slim.  

Today I would like to challenge my friend Kate.  She is busy, this I know because she is a kick butt mom to Mr. T and together these two have super powers, I've seen it.  The duo can do some stuff.  Mostly they are busy making others feel real important, they are good at that, they beam with light. Kate do you have the time to take on the challenge?

day three of the five day challenge - lamp post

This is day three of my five day challenge.  Today I write about the light poles that are older than me.  They are older than our house even.  Can you imagine the things these lights have been witness to?  Sadly I know they have witnessed death but they have also been witness to new babies as well.  We brought two of our very own babies here to this house where we walk past and under this tall light.  We have relied on this light year after year to provide us with a little security, the way lights tend to do.  I have admired its beauty for a time now.  I took pictures a few years back and I took some recently as they placed the new light pole next to the old.  There is nothing better than the old.  This light surely could have provided us with many more years of light, yet it was number tens time to be replaced and honestly this makes me a little sad.  Today however I was home when the man was taking off the pretty shells at the base of our beautiful, tall and eloquent light and I was nervous because I’m really, really very shy.  But I didn’t want to regret not asking him.  So I walked out my front door and said “excuse me, are you allowed to give the corners of the light away?”  He said “you mean the shells?”  me, nodding, smiling and responding with an excited “yes”  He dug them out of his bucket, said they were from this very light, none broken.  They are heavy and pretty and I’m so glad I mustered up that little bit of courage to ask.  I’m not sure what I will do with them but I have a piece of history and I will enjoy the light the new fixture provides but as Holly recently shared in issue no. 3 of Bella Grace, “so I have committed myself to releasing more belongings while honoring their memory by capturing them with my camera”  Her words meant so much to me because I HOLD on tight to things.  I love the idea of honoring them with photographs.  So I have done just that with our lovely lamp post.  It’s a 1950’s version so it’s not quite as cute and quaint as some but it suits our housing track well, it fit right in.  

I took this image in 2010 with my 20D.  Even 5 years ago for no reason I felt it deserved to be documented. 

I have no idea what I will do with four of these.  I'll think of something.  They should be repurposed for sure. 

I wonder why they don't make things pretty anymore?  Or as solid? or as good?

I have been invited by basildonkitchens aka Connie my cosmic twin  to the Five Photos, Five Stories Challenge: “Post a photo each day for five consecutive days and attach a story to the photo. It can be fiction or non-fiction, a poem or a short paragraph and each day nominate another blogger for the challenge”.  I discovered Connie’s beautiful blog when I was on wordpress and noticed right off the bat we had some things in common.  I admire her talent for making gorgeous quilts, her love of the sea and of course Mr. Sock Monkey, he gets me every time.  When I want to get away and look at beautiful things, I come visit Connie.  She keeps herself busy with a photo a day challenge she faithfully participates in with fat mum slim.  

Today I challenge my friend CathIE with an IE. She is my Aussie friend whom I completley adore, she calls me chick-a-dee and I always giggle when I read it, she is so ultra talented in her photography skills and takes the most precious pictures of her two gifts.  I can tell she loves them with all her heart and soul.  She also supports me in whatever I do, always cheering me on.  I will always be grateful for our far-away friendship.  

Elfchen . 11 little words

What is an “Elfchen”?

“Elfchen” is German and literally means “wee eleven”. “Elf” means eleven and the ending “-chen” behind a name or noun gives it a sense of being wee and endearing. An “Elfchen” is basically a short poem consisting of exactly 11 words in a specific format of words per line.  

My friend Sonja from Berlin taught me Elfchen by example.  Today I thought I would sit and write one too.  I began by writing out the instructions.    Row 1:  one word Row 2: two words Row3: three words Row 4: four words and Row 5: one word.  Then I took some gifted peacock feathers and began to write. It’s maybe not the best but it’s what came to mind.  Most of all it was relaxing 

To sit.  

To be still.  

To think. 

To write. 

Peacock

Vibrant Billowing

Heart on Sleeve

So much like Me

Unique

I have been invited by basildonkitchens aka Connie my cosmic twin  to the Five Photos, Five Stories Challenge: “Post a photo each day for five consecutive days and attach a story to the photo. It can be fiction or non-fiction, a poem or a short paragraph and each day nominate another blogger for the challenge”.  I discovered Connie’s beautiful blog when I was on wordpress and noticed right off the bat we had some things in common.  I admire her talent for making gorgeous quilts, her love of the sea and of course Mr. Sock Monkey, he gets me every time.  When I want to get away and look at beautiful things, I come visit Connie.  She keeps herself busy with a photo a day challenge she faithfully participates in with fat mum slim.  

Today I challenge my friend Vanessa who lives in Vermont with her darling children and husband and she teaches me so much by just sharing with me how she lives, what her heart she loves big.  She too has proven to be a really great writer who has not written much lately on her beautiful blog. 

5 days

hello little tomatoes so sweet

thank you for finding your way into this dry, hard soil

thank you for being brave, strong,  bursting through this earth

lifting your limbs towards the light of our sun

growing, growing, growing

strong

vibrant

completely aware of your purpose

I can’t help but to pluck your sweet fruit

I can’t help but admire your beauty and grace

through the golden sunlight

each tiny hair

yellow flowers destined to become fruit

the scalloped hat you wear

your change in color

from green to red

I’m happy you chose my garden to thrive

to grow

to give

thank you

I have been invited by basildonkitchens aka Connie my cosmic twin  to the Five Photos, Five Stories Challenge: “Post a photo each day for five consecutive days and attach a story to the photo. It can be fiction or non-fiction, a poem or a short paragraph and each day nominate another blogger for the challenge”.  I discovered Connie’s beautiful blog when I was on wordpress and noticed right off the bat we had some things in common.  I admire her talent for making gorgeous quilts, her love of the sea and of course Mr. Sock Monkey, he gets me every time.  When I want to get away and look at beautiful things, I come visit Connie.  She keeps herself busy with a photo a day challenge she faithfully participates in with fat mum slim.  

Now I would like to invite relax and float downstream, one of my longest readers/followers who happens to be a really great writer.  Often when I read her blog posts, I nod my head in agreement.  She has not written in a while, maybe this might be the spark to get her going.

Happiness and Positive Words

“when I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy” They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life”

— John Lennon

I was on Facebook recently and I saw a little blog post shared by  Danielle Leporte She isn't the first to try this experiment it seems.  I found lots of people giving this a try.  I'm beginning quite negative because it's hard for me to believe this will work.  I believe it with all my heart when it comes to humans but apples?  I suppose I may be a skeptic.  So I'm going to do this experiment with littlest and only girl and we will see what the results will be.  Of course I will come back to this space and share our findings.  I'm kind of excited to see how this will all pan out.  

And before you go thinking this is just silly talk.  It's not.  I believe that scripture also backs the power of positive thoughts.  This is just one example I find, there are many more.  Proverbs 16:24 Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.

And lastly, my last post I said I would talk about our carrot and beet juice.  It was oh so yummy and mostly we make the green juice but every so often we toss in a nice sweet treat like this one. Do you see the little happy face on the dirty little counter?  Making juice is a dirty job;)

2 beets

2 gala apples

6 carrots

a knob of ginger

4 pineapple strips

The juice of one orange

spoonful of chia seeds

xo

Have a beautiful day!!

best ding dong on the planet

You can find the best ding dong on the planet at a nice little local spot in my home town called  the night owl and yesterday I ate one of those locally famous ding dongs.  I met my cousin for lunch and a visit and I was talking up this ding dong something good and so she decided to walk over there with me and get one to go herself.  However when we arrived there was only one ding dong left.  She said I could have it since she had never tasted one she wouldn't know what she was missing and had she known she may have had us flip for it.  Now that's a good friend to let me have the last ding dong.  I really appreciated it...every single last bite of it.  That's all I can talk about this morning cause I'm in a real big hurry to get out of here and get to work.  I want to share later about the carrot/beet juice I made for me and Austin but that's later.  

xo

Have a wonderful day

learning new things is hard

I have decided to not re-new my account on wordpress.  This means I get to learn a new way of blogging.  So far it's like learning a new language.  Some people have mentioned that wordpress is hard.  I didn't seem to think so. but this.  This seems hard, either that or it really is so easy I'm just not getting it.  All frustration aside let me post about something that really made my day.  Below is yesterdays breakfast.  A day old vegan donut, dirty grout and coffee of course.  I found beauty in this.  That's why I took a picture of it.  It's real life. 

View fullsize

Then today our cousin up north.  Yes.  I claim her.  I claim all Rich's family as my own.  That's what happens when you get married right?  I claim them because they are really, really GOOD people and as you see below.  Very talented too. Carie drew my breakfast.  She didn't just draw it.  She made it look way better.  I would hang this in my coffee shop if I had one. 

Seriously.  New language.  Chinese.  And where it the spell check?  I'm the worst speller in the entire universe.  

time for change

In 2015 I made a few personal goals.  One of which was to develop my blog into something more, have more creative freedom.  Although I have not figured all that out just yet.  I did decide to move my blog from Wordpress to SquareSpace.   I spent hours navigating around this new space.  Still.  So much to learn but so far I really love it.  It's laid out nicely and their customer service responds quick.  So I think I will stay.  I hope you will follow me here because basically I'm starting over.  A fresh start.  Now I just wonder how you do that?  I should figure that out.