This morning when I woke up I had lived a complete 44 years and I was on the first day of my 45th year. From the moment I woke up the day was beautiful. Every single thing about the first day of my 45th year was perfect. I felt completely loved. Fully blessed.
By the time I thought to take a picture of myself on this day it was late. I used the light of the bathroom and shot. It doesn’t look as though this person in this portrait is filled with joy, but I assure you....she IS.
I could list far more good things than bad but why is it the few bad seem to have this control to gulp up the good. I felt fat, my face complexion was subpar. My legs still filled with sores, inflamed and itchy. Completely imperfect. Yes. This is how I felt. I felt completely loved. I felt appreciated and I felt imperfect.
I said to myself. “What will it take?” “What will it take to fully care for myself and love who I was created to be?” The sores on my legs, the way they burn are but tiny inconveniences compared to the starving, the homeless, the terminally ill. Do I choose to just give up? Or do I choose to WO-man up and take care of this body, this mind, this spirit?
This look isn’t of sadness. It’s of reflection. Reflection of the good 44th year I lived. I’m sort of sad to wave goodbye to the 44th year. I’m rather fond of double digits. I was so overjoyed when our table number ticket was number 22 today at lunch. I’m so happy that each day is a new day. That its never too late. Most of all. I’m thankful for grace. Because I truly couldn’t live without it. It’s a soft pillow each and every single day. I’m so thoughtless, clumsy and selfish so often. I have to really work hard against those terrible things that come more natural. The things that happen when ones not intentional. It’s easy to throw your hands up. To give up. It’s much harder to persevere. Let’s make a promise to never, ever give up.
Here is to a really great 45th year of intentional thinking. Writing down milestones and blessings. Putting them on paper to remember for a good long time.