Christina gave me courage to try water color on my snail mail. I was behind in our posts because of the holiday. Today feels like Monday. I'm excited it's actually Tuesday. It's still wet and a little crinkly but I gave it a try. Christina's illustrated journal she shares today in her blog at 22 LIMES is truly inspiring. I will add words around the light orb and I will address this to someone, not even sure who yet but someone who might appreciate a moth.
I could relate to Christina's words today big time. I'm my own worst critic, I think it's common to be hard on ourselves. Today Sharon (my tell it like it is therapist) said these words to me "why do you work so hard to make others like you when you don't even like yourself?" Talk about speaking truth. That was a solid, no beat around the bush statement. I had been sitting there telling her what a pleaser I am and how the center of that pleasing is because I want everyone to like me. She laughed out loud at that. She laughed because it's a fantasy. There will always be those people who have a preconceived notion about you. It will not matter what you do, they simply don't want to like you and they don't have to and that's that. I've made my own list of rules. If I stay late and help clean up after the party they will value me more, if I bring them a meal when they are sick, they will know I'm a "good person" I recently said yes to something I clearly should have passed up on. I didn't want to let a friend down and by saying yes I placed pressure on myself however I ended up learning a valuable lesson. I can say no in a kind way. I can say no and she will still love me. I can speak my truth and the people who matter most, my ride or die's will get it. If they love me for exactly who I am, they will love me in my NO's. I have to work first on liking myself. If I truly like myself for who I am then it will not matter if I'm accepted by all. This has been my journey and I'm suspecting that I'm not alone in this journey. I'm going to keep working at it. I'm not going to give up. The more I practice my No's and speak truth in love then I believe I will become a more secure human being who doesn't need to almost quite literally pick myself to death.
I have thought of a way to close this and tie it back to the moth drawing. "like moth to a flame" strange self destructive behavior. I'm living sort of like a moth and I think that needs to end soon. Bless the moths sweet little soul.