You know that little saying “remember who you are and return with honor?” Well, when I as a little girl, I imagined I could dance on high wires, I thought chocolate pudding filled the inside of t.v. sets. I had conversations with other little people, most kids thought tiny people lived inside those t.v. sets but I really, really loved chocolate so I liked the idea of breaking open a television to a heaping load of chocolate, flowing out like lava.
When I was a teenager I believed it was okay to be alone. I took myself on field trips through the city with my camera. I would sneak out at night and run barefoot under the moon, plucking rose petals and inhaling them deep. I was quiet so it was easy to observe. To take it all in. It seemed to come natural.
Then I grew up. I got married and I had children of my own. I sort of got caught up in things. I didn’t completely give up on my camera. I always had my camera near, it never really went away. I just used it seldom and for important occasions like vacations, celebrations or for making our Christmas cards. I even had an opportunity to rent a darkroom when my first child was born and I made time to develop my images when he was a baby.
Without even realizing it I wasn’t noticing the little things, the beautiful ordinary details of life. In fact I was so wrapped up in working and raising the children that I barely made time to just sit and be still. I sort of lost myself for a while. It wasn’t because I got married, had children and decided to be a working mom. I betrayed the magic of life single handedly because I decided to live mindlessly. It felt easy to be on auto pilot. Just to get through my days. I think I may have even complained a little about doing dishes and laundry, paying bills and keeping up with my work load. Trying to remember the schedules of 5 people. I allowed it to take control of me.
It was about 5 years ago when I began to pay closer attention to my camera and decided to document the every day, not just the special occasions and vacations, I decided every day had something special about it. In practicing and taking pictures nearly each and every single day, I began to meet other people just like me. People who loved to capture life, every day life though their lens or better yet, their smart phones.
I also realized it’s not good to compare myself with others because there will always be a better writer, a better photographer, there will always be someone better, so why not just appreciate the person I am. The person I was created to be. And with this acceptance comes an understanding of imperfection. Imperfect life, imperfect images. I can capture the magic of the moment in a blurry, grainy not very spectacular photo. But it doesn’t matter because it’s my moment, it’s my moment to live, it’s my moment to remember. It’s okay and I’m okay. I don’t have to be perfect and It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to BE.
My joy is back! I’m finding joy in our every day life by being mindful. By slowing down and by re-arranging my priorities. I’m still a grown up with grown up responsibilities but I have found the importance of people, friends, family and the blessings that come along with everyday ordinary life, not just special occasion life but every single bit of it.
I’m happy to shout out from the highest rooftops that “I have found myself again and I have returned with honor” And I don’t plan on getting lost ever again.
I have something special to offer. I will randomly select two winners to receive a free copy of my most favorite magazine, Bella Grace. Just leave me a comment, tell me what you thought lived inside of television sets or anything at all, like what makes your heart skip a beat. I really want to know. I'm a part of the brand new Grace Notes Blog Hop - Ordinary Magic I do hope you will visit as a few times a week a new blog will be released with more Bella Grace give-a-ways. My give-a-away random selection date will be on March 31st:)
