I have tried and failed, tried and failed so many times. But I just can’t stop trying. I just can’t. Recently inspired by a new friend I made this year I jumped on the scale this afternoon. Oh heavens! Why on earth is it that every time I avoid the scale I know things are not so good. Yes, I had not weighed myself all year, let alone really worked consistently at improving my health. I just sort of gave up on the whole idea. It’s so much easier to draw, read, write and float in the pool then to actually eat good things for my body and move, like as in…go for a walk a few times a week.
If anyone of you friends and family out there have followed my “so called health journey” for any length of time you will know, I’m always trying this and that but for some crazy reason I have yet to jump on a plain oldhealthy LIFESTYLE. My diets are never too drastic. I will juice a while and my skin will just glow, radiate even! But then..burn out. Cleaning the mess every morning, barreling though produce. I can’t take it any more!! Or I will wear my fit bit and get all crazy about getting in my 10,000 steps a day, even if it means walking at 11:30 at night up and down the sidewalk in front of my house or doing laps in my living room to get those steps in. GEESH. Why does it take me so long to get this thing down?
Today I decided to jump on the scale. Yep, I know, I know our weight doesn’t define us BUT, a reality check was completely in order. I just had to know where I would be starting. Cause I think I may be starting. yet again. The news was horrible. Just absolutely not good. In fact dare I say, I’m a teeny bit heavier by a pound than I was when I was going through that great depression and anxiety a few years back? I’m back there and up one. No wonder I feel tired a lot yet can’t sleep at night, no wonder I feel heavy when I walk across the floor and only two pairs of jeans barely still fit. NO WONDER! I’m just going to say it. I’m 190. I’m five foot four and supposed to be a relatively petite person and I’m 190. Not good.
I’m not saying a complete failure because as far as life goes I’m a decent person. I just struggle with taking care of myself. I think sadly a lot of us gals struggle with this. I’m taking another stand. Maybe my baby steps will work. I have been working up to this for months…heck all year I have been working up to this. I just know it takes being mindful, caring about what goes into my body to nourish my health. It takes great intention. My health goals will not accomplish themselves. They need a working mind and body to get behind the plan. Here I go. Today is a new day. Let’s see if I can accomplish this once and for all and forever. One day it’s got to click.
Bless you if you got through this entire post. It’s a long one. Lastly I want to share some of the success that has happened so you know it’s not all bad. I planted a small garden, I began to art journal, I took a photo class to improve on my photography, I even got published this year! I have kept up with my summer Bible study spending time in the word each and every day except my day of rest. My legs that were covered in sores and rough with thick skin are 95% better than they were last year at this time. My anxiety levels are still high. I think if my health gets aligned that may help my anxiety problem too. I had to conclude with a little good news.