I have not blogged in a while. I have been keeping myself busy with the new art journaling I have been doing, I have kept up with my photo a day and in fact today I’m on day 276. The mother daughter weekly portrait project has been neglected but not forgotten. I just got smart and realized once a week is way too ambitious. I’m a slow learner. So instead of naming them as week this or that, it’s now portrait number what have you.
I have had lots on my mind. I think it’s the biggest culprit of not being able to sleep sometimes. I just have a million thoughts whirling in my head. This is common I know for many people. I’m not alone.
My anxiety is still high. Especially high these days. I know God is happy to take the anxiety from me if I just hand it over. However being human is tricky and I so often selfishly want to hang on to that anxiety. My legs the bottom part are so much better today than they were a year ago today, but I have just picked other spots to well….pick on.
There is so much I strive for these days. How to be a good mama, spouse, daughter, sister, friend. I want to be well rounded…which these days physically is easy to do. I don’t want to be so well rounded physically.
I cherish little moments like meeting my sisters dear friends when we threw her a shower for our highly anticipated new little bundle that is due next month. Or simply meeting a friend for coffee, or taking a Sunday drive in the bug with motorcycle man, sitting in a quiet house while I paint, enjoying the lavender I ordered with this months produce box. There are so many moments that I can focus on that I’m grateful for. Each morning since June 6th I have sat quietly by myself in the mornings reading Acts and this has been so good. oh my goodness or this, just now THIS. The text that arrives this morning at 11:06….”I miss your hugs” afterhe must have read my prior text…”I miss your face”
But still there are those few things that I have allowed to take a little joy away. The things that cause that anxiety. I get sad that certain relationships are not the same. Watching the news can totally just crumble me and then that aftermath…the people who argue and drop friends and family because they can’t see eye to eye. Those things.
Today the boys ran to get new tires for the jeep. I’m thankful we have the resources to do that. It has left the house still so I can write out my thoughts. I made the best tasting breakfast this morning as I sat to also read articles my Aunt mailed to me which had me giggling and also tearing up. These emotions of mine. I have realized it’s just best to let them flow. Even as I cry at the news of a dear mentor of mine who has lost her brother-n-law suddenly and very unexpectedly and gives me that solid advice of telling those around me that I love that I DO LOVE THEM and to spend that time, any time at all I can spend. I embrace her and cry and that’s okay to do because we need to not hold back.
But still those torn relationships, the ones that feel unrepairable in this exact moment. What to do with those?
I share one image today. It’s my breakfast because I also strive to be healthy, this has been a life long journey. I always go full forge ahead to burn out and so this time I’m taking it slow. Which seems easy enough but this has also been a lifelong challenge for me…to take things one moment at a time. Chapter one. Don’t diet. Next week is chapter two…eat whole foods. The book is called “One Simple Change” And normally I would sit and read at least half the book and try and implement 35 changes at once but this time…once a week and one moment at a time.
Anyone who has taken time to read this today, thank you. Your story is important too. I would love to hear your story.