The beginning of his 21st year starts TODAY

When first born turned 18 I made a list of 18 things I love about him. I decided to catch up that list and now I have a list of 21 facts that make it so easy to love him.  Happy birthday brave man.  You left to follow your dreams, to spread your wings and take flight in a beautiful California city.  You will succeed.  You have everything within you to succeed. 

1.  He is compassionate

2.  He is good at solving problems

3.  He has gorgeous clear blue eyes

4.  He is affectionate

5.  He stands up for what he believes in

6.  He is good at conversations, never at a loss for words

7.  His mind is creative

8.  His heart is huge

9.  He is thoughtful

10.  He has a cool silly laugh

11.  He is a realist

12.  He is down to earth

13.  He is unique and doesn’t mind being so

14.  He is good in the kitchen

15.  He loves animals

16.  He is a solid and dependable friend

17.  He has good ideas

18.  He is my oldest, first born son whom I adore we were all blessed the day he was born.

19.  He is LOYAL

20.  He loves music 

21.  He is BRAVE

Austin, a man named Marcus Solero said it pretty well “A possibility was born the day you were born and it will live as long as you live.”   The world is a better place because of YOU.  the password for video is   love

And just cause...I posted last years birthday video because I still can't believe you have gone from that tiny little baby boy to a grown man.  I'm so proud of you for being so brave, for moving to a beautiful city, for being so patient in trying to find a place to live, you showed a great deal of perseverance. God's timing is just so perfect, you got news on your apartment the day before your birthday.  Like a big huge birthday gift for you.  

Love MOM

week 15/52 mother and daughter portrait project

I can’t even explain to you how much I LOVE this project.  I feel very thankful too that Abbie is game to do all the things I ask of her.  This is the first week we actually purchased props.  This week we went to Goodwill and picked up a few blouses that we thought may look old in a photograph.  We didn’t spend too much and we are stoked with the results.  As usual we each like different pictures.  We took about a dozen and narrowed it down to 4.  She hated the blouse we found for her to wear so her favorite picture also is without that blouse.  I have other ideas floating around in my head.  We are a little behind too but I’m trying not to fuss about it.  I wonder what the next portrait will be??  

her favorite

my second favorite

April 12th....my day in seconds

There are so many things that can happen in one day.  I’m doing a mini movie project with 22 limes. 

We each picked one day in our life to document, approximately 2 seconds within each hour. It’s the tiniest of snippets of our day.   60 seconds makes a minute, there are 3,600 seconds in one hour.  3,600 possible moments that can happen.  I notice also that I can do quite a lot in one hour.  My day from waking to slumber is on an average about 16-18 hours.   There are 61,200 seconds in a 17 hour day….that’s 61,200 possibilities but I will only show you 38 seconds of my entire day from waking to slumber. On this particular day I went to bed early by 10:00.

 I can't wait to see Christina's day because she has a lot of creative juices that flow through her veins. The password for this short clip is LOVE all caps❤️

picture blog

Pablo is like "what's going on mom? my whole world is a changin"

Did I ever tell you that one time I got a ribbon and was named "Grand Duchess of Sparkle and Shine" yep that totally happened.  

 And when Austin was 4 and we drove up the coast and found this little wine cellar named after our first born and 17 years later, I still have the same bottle on my dresser that used to be my friends when she was in elementary school and her mom gave it to motorcycle man as payment for helping them move.  Let me just state for the record "I HOLD ON TO THINGS"  things that mean a lot to me. 

Please tell me every mother saves her children's teeth in a Russian hand painted lacquer box, that her mom brought back from Russia and gave her as a gift.  A very, very generous gift. 

The sentimental gifts and charms I save.  I cleaned out my closet.  Tossed out clothes and purses, I let go of old books and shoes but I kept these special things because they help me to remember the friends who thought of me when they put them into my hands to hold 

The dish of stones and hearts and worry rocks and glow star.  I dusted them off and set them back on that old dresser that holds a story.  

The minute you hang your shirts to dry and realize, "I must like the color blue!"

And I obviously.... "I LOVE red"  So you see things are changing.  I'm ridding myself of "stuff"  I'm mentally preparing myself for another chapter in this life.  Things change and luckily I'm good with change.  It just takes me a minute to adjust but I'm always willing. 

mother daughter portrait project 14/52

I decided this blog post I would share some good quotes by some strong women. 

Whatever you do, be different – that was the advice my mother gave me, and I can’t think of better advice for an entrepreneur. If you’re different, you will stand out.”– Anita Roddick

“The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.”– Ayn Rand

“If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough.”– Oprah Winfrey

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”– Maya Angelou

 

she shoots film and shows us the world through her eyes.....she is damiec and I got to meet her

I can’t believe it’s been a month already since I took that trip with my girl to the East Coast.  I absolutely loved every waking moment of that trip, sleeping moment too for that matter. It was because of this trip I was able to check a few things off my dream list.  Mainly meeting a dear soul I had known for the past five almost 6 years now.  It’s strange how this world works and often hard to actually explain the word “connection” unless you actually experience it.  How do you connect with a stranger who lives over 2,000 miles away, literally on the other side of the United States?  Whom you met on a photo sharing site none the less?  The INTERNET!!  Scary for some I know but even though I’m really grounded, I’m open to interacting with strangers.  Strangers who often end up becoming friends.   Debbie is one of these friends.  

How I admired her eye.  I remember complimenting her photo’s in the beginning and she confessed to me that she used a point and shoot digital camera.  She didn’t even have a “real” camera in 2010 when we were visiting each other’s daily images. She was using a Fujifilm point and shoot and  her photos were interesting, intriguing, fully pulling me in each time. Because the secret of photography in my opinion isn’t about the equipment so to speak, it’s about the EYE.   As time went on, she did upgrade her camera until most recently and actually for a while now, she went back to film.  Pure FILM.  She has to shoot with intention, she has to be selective and she has to take her time.  I admire her so very much, you have no idea.

So when I finally got to meet her, March 8, 2016 and hug her for real, look into her face, hear her voice. It was a dream come true.  Even better than that, she walked me around Georgetown, she talked about its history, her history too.  She shot with her film camera, she even shot portraits of me in the alley behind a famous jazz bar.  I was so impressed with her confidence and how she shot film at night.  I hope to see those images someday.  I shot too but with my digital.  We talked about mutual friends and other photographers we admired.  The limited two hours went far too fast but it left me feeling content, full and very happy.

I asked her if she might jump with me?  She smiled and told me how she just could never seem to get much air when she jumped but she would for sure jump with me….because it was ME! It’s always tricky with that timer.  I didn’t bring a tripod or remote.  So we had to time that timer just right.  For sure there was laughter, there is always laugher when one jumps and see’s the silly facial expressions and contorted weird body freezes the camera captures.  

We have watched each others children grow up via images shared, written notes of encouragement, we have opened up with each other on a level I again can’t begin to explain.  It’s like she knew all of me before we ever even met person to person. 

It for sure was a strong community of supportive and creative women, who were ordinary regular people, who happened to share the same passions.  We had found each other and it felt so right.  I still have my little red man.  I was a fortunate one who received a little super hero from Debbie.  I carry him in my purse, I take pictures of him every so often.  It’s interesting this world that opened up to me. Although it has changed quite a bit and we all have sort of moved in different directions, there is no denying it was a time in our lives that helped us all to find ourselves, go back to our true selves.  I know I couldn’t have done it alone.  It took a tribe of creative woman to get me there and I will forever be grateful.

Debbie has sent me many gifts in the past, one of them was a handmade photo book.  I have decided to print the images I took with her that night and put them in that photo book.  She made sure it had plenty of red with polka dots.  I love red.  My old screen name used to be RED.

mother daughter portrait project week 13

Oh my goodness.  All week we have tried to take our mother daughter portrait.  We had this brilliant idea.  But each day something came up.  Abbie didn’t feel well, the hair was NOT going right.  And so on and so forth.  Today is Friday.  We have to fit it in because before you know it, we will need to be working on week 14.

Okay let’s be real here.  We were both mad.  We decided to get some housework done.  She took the dishes, I took the vacuuming job.  

THEN IT HITS ME 

Let’s just be real about it.  

Lets take our moment in the kitchen

SHE ACTUALLY AGREES!

Honestly, it starts off with a little stress in the air.  The expressions are real.  I’m not happy about how today is going and neither is she.  

I think I need the red lipstick, maybe puff up my hair a little, take off these red shoes that I have been wearing entirely too much.  She even decides a little lipstick is a good plan.  Still we don’t exactly know how to pose and the tension…..It’s still there. 

I decide a jump should be fun. From experience I know jump shots clear the air.  Lighten the mood. 

Then she has an idea.  She goes to the fridge and pulls out the whip cream.  

Okay mom, JUMP!  Literally we figured out that she had the timing down better than I did and when she said JUMP, I would jump and it would mostly work.  The whole truth.  We took 58 pictures.  It was the very LAST shot that we both liked the best.  This is REAL LIFE.  My rolls, uh huh, that’s real, the crumbs on the floor, that’s real too, the empty water pitcher in the sink, REAL. It’s almost always empty.  I guess that means we drink a lot of water.  This is week 13.  Until next time:)

what is success to you and how do you learn?

Life would be so easy if it were to go exactly as we imagined it might go.  However I have learned so far that life has a mind of its own.   

Success in love and companionship, success in environment, success in doing what one loves doing this is true success, yes? This is how I define it.  Others define it by what they have acquired or how much money they have made.  This is important too, because it’s important to them.  But for me that’s not what I have found as success.  

I, in fact watch the oldest as he is ready to fly and I admire that he has his own ideas and it has me questioning my own ideas and how I so easily get comfortable in what I know and then become afraid to try anything different. I think in checkers it’s called a stale mate when the player is unable to move.  I often feel paralyzed in life itself.  My head knows it’s all my fault that nobody can move me but myself.  Maybe sometimes we are given these gifts of children to also learn from them. By watching them and not stopping them, not getting in their way.  Not putting our ideas on them but letting them find their own ideas become who they are meant to be. 

This past week we watched two little ones.  The little girl, she is so small but so very mighty in many ways.  She knows she is strong, she knows she can do 8 cartwheels in a row and very well, she knows she is awesome, she knows she is pretty, she has more confidence in that little body, like the confidence of 100 people.  She has parents who encourage her, who tell her she’s got this.  She has no fear.  She just does what she imagines she can do. It’s really quite amazing to meet a little person like this.   Again learning from little lives who see the world as their oyster.

God shows me this example by creating me and then giving me free will to choose the path I will choose.  Sometimes I feel like fear shows itself in control wanting to control the outcome because one doesn’t want the person they love to feel pain, the pain of life.  But the pain.  It must be felt.  It’s important.  It’s hard but very important.  And in this way I’m glad I have a God who can worry for me. Although truth be told, I’m not very good at giving Him my worry.

March - Taking Stock

MADE:   Balloon Chalk drawings on the driveway and took pictures with my girl.

COOKED: Cinnamon rolls for Easter and again Monday night the day after so I didn’t waste all that precious dough.

DRANK: Same old stuff however Tessa brought me a fresh squeezed beet juice from a fancy juice place I had never been but only heard about…nectur juice bar.  

READ:    I ordered a book written by “a friend of mine” I type this in quote because I have never met her in person but we have communicated a lot.  Her book is about our unique way of meeting actually and includes stories of an epic meet up that I sadly missed.  However a few chapters in she has actually mentioned me by name and also my girl!  It melted my heart.

SURPRISED BY: being able to finally meet a friend I have known for about 5 years but had never really met in person.  She was every single thing I imagined she would be and more.  She agreed to jump with me even though really it’s not her cup of tea.  She bought me dinner and a coffee.  She showed me her city.  We made it work when it almost seemed an impossibility with my rigid school schedule. 

RECEIVED:  The book I ordered in the mail.  The book is called “Close Enough” by Johanna Leinonen. She tells a very good story that is true. And also a mermaid-ish crown.

LISTENED TO: Winter Acoustics on Spotify

ADVENTURES:  We went back East.  Abbie and I went to a few states on the East Coast for her 8th grade history and it was amazing. Totally amazing. 

WISHED: Politics were not so horrible

ENJOYED:  Working in my front garden and making it look presentable again.  It really does look like spring around here.  I've also enjoyed the caterpillars and watching them turn into crystallites, these are in Mimi's garden, they love her butterfly plant.  

WORKED ON:   Oh goodness, I have no idea. 

DIDN’T: Beat up onmyself too  terribly bad.  Trying to remember grace is something we all deserve.

WATCHED: it snow in Virginia.  And more importantly watched middle school aged California kids become giddy with the snow fall.

NEEDED: I want a lot but I don’t need much of anything.

CELEBRATED:  Birthday’s although not so much in party form but acknowledged a few. Katie started us off right before we left for back East, Little Miracle baby turned one, Caiden turning one as well this was the only party I made,  My girl turned 14 while we were traveling and her Uncle Tim made another trip around the sun, Our friend Tessa also made the journey, and Papa and my brother Brandon, they always celebrate on St. Patrick’s day so nobody ever forgets their birthday and then my friend Debi, she just makes it by celebrating another year on the very last day of March.  Hope I didn’t miss anyone that I personally know. There seems to be quite a lot of babies in March. These were the ones that popped into my head.  I may even have a cousin with a March birthday.  March is just crazy with babies. 

NOTICED:  so many beautiful flowers

ADMIRED: A little girl full of spirit. 

BOUGHT:  the pretty red shoes that read “smile” 

DISLIKED:  How horrible some people can be.  The people who might be trying to become President.  It hurts my stomach.  I can’t believe it really. It’s like living in the Twilight Zone. 

FELT: Worry of a mother 

DISCOVERED: The Ellen Degenerous has a shoe line (ED) and I’m head over heels for her ballet flats that have words like smile, laugh and love.  And so I got the red smile shoes but I also very much so would like the black love shoes and on top of all that each of her shoes does have the word love on it someplace.  They are made well and are comfortable.  My new favorite shoe. 

week 12 mother and daughter portrait project

This is week number 12 of portraits with my daughter.   We have 40 weeks to go on this project and I do appreciate when friends and family send me ideas.   My Aunt and Cousin had sent me an idea for chalk drawings.  I thought they were so cute.  I couldn’t convince my girl to do the super hero flying over buildings because that’s the one I wanted to do but she agreed to the balloon chalk drawing idea. 

I had old pastel sidewalk chalk in the garage and I drew us some balloons.  I kind of wished I had the brighter sidewalk chalk but we used what we had on hand.  Then I went to the side of the house and pulled out our tallest ladder.  I asked Dylan if he could give us a hand.  He wasn’t very happy about it but agreed to help us out but it had to be quick because he had things to do…..like go to the gym.  Whose kid is this anyways?  He goes to the gym like every single day.   Okay, truth be known.  I totally admire him.

This one here is part of the process, Elly directing us where to place our hands, telling Abbie her hair looked cool and I was like “Elly, Elly, how does my hair look? What about my dress?  Does it look okay?”  She just giggled and told us it all looked good to her.

I'm thankful Elly helped us.  She in fact told Dylan to shoot quick on what turned to be my most favorite picture because it was us laughing naturally.  She knew it was a good moment and Dylan was already done but he snapped that last picture because Elly said to capture it quick.  Thank you Elly.

Abbie likes this one below where she is in a dreamy serious flight, while I’m still laughing.  I don’t know why but I found this to be so funny because I had NO IDEA what we looked like laying on my driveway. 

me testing it out first.  Abbie said she LOVED this picture of me and I should post it some place. 

It was tons of fun to do this on a Monday late afternoon.  The longer days really help us out.  I just don’t plan things very well.  I’m really happy with how they came out with how quickly we did it but as I mentioned on FB, it would have been nice to dress up in cute dresses and maybe do up our hair a little but I suppose the memory will be what is most important in the end.  Maybe this summer we will have more time for set up and the getting ready part. 

Week 10 & 11 in New York - Mom and Daughter Portrait Project

Besides having loads of trouble with my internet...or maybe even my computer.  My mac mini is simply packed to the brim with IMAGES and videos and I have tried to move them to an external hard drive but things are just not going very well.  I just figured out though that I can log on to my blog by using Safari but not Google Chrome.  This is good news for the time being so I can post some new stuff on my blog.  

We had the BEST time when we went back East.  I mean the best possible time.  I went with Abbie's middle school and I had two other really amazing girls in my room besides my daughter.  They were super low maintenance and they made me laugh until my belly hurt.  I fell in love with them and I'm so happy I decided to go.  Money was going to be the big issue but because I also have a really great friend who is an attorney she made sure I had plenty of notary jobs and I was able to use that money to go towards the trip and also we had a nice Christmas bonus from work that I applied towards this trip and to make it easier for Abbie to go, her Mimi and Papa paid one installment of her trip:) For all the unexpected ways of money going towards this trip I am very grateful. 

We were able to see so many wonderful things and learn the history of our country but on top of that we went to New York and I got to walk through a little piece of Central Park with my girl and I handed Miss Lexie my camera and told her to shoot away.  She seems to have a true interest in photography and has a great eye.  She took all three of these shots of me and Abbie for our mother daughter week 10.  

I decided for week 11 to edit an old photo of the pair of us in a few different apps for a change of pace.  I had almost 6 hours on the airplane ride home to play with apps and edit photo's on my phone since my video monitor where I sat didn't work.  It was a fun way to pass the time. So technically we didn't have a photograph for week 11 but I have no hard set rules so as long as we got an image out that's all that matters. 

We also already have week 12 but I will post more on that later in the week.  Playing catch up since returning from our trip. I really love this project with my girl and so happy she is willing to play along.  

Grace notes blog hop and give-a-way

You know that little saying “remember who you are and return with honor?”  Well, when I as a little girl, I imagined I could dance on high wires, I thought chocolate pudding filled the inside of t.v. sets.  I had conversations with other little people, most kids thought tiny people lived inside those t.v. sets but I really, really loved chocolate so I liked the idea of breaking open a television to a heaping load of chocolate, flowing out like lava.   

When I was a teenager I believed it was okay to be alone.  I took myself on field trips through the city with my camera.  I would sneak out at night and run barefoot under the moon, plucking rose petals and inhaling them deep.  I was quiet so it was easy to observe.  To take it all in.  It seemed to come natural. 

Then I grew up.  I got married and I had children of my own.  I sort of got caught up in things. I didn’t completely give up on my camera.  I always had my camera near, it never really went away.  I just used it seldom and for important occasions like vacations, celebrations or for making our Christmas cards.  I even had an opportunity to rent a darkroom when my first child was born and I made time to develop my images when he was a baby. 

Without even realizing it I wasn’t noticing the little things, the beautiful ordinary details of life.  In fact I was so wrapped up in working and raising the children that I barely made time to just sit and be still.  I sort of lost myself for a while. It wasn’t because I got married, had children and decided to be a working mom. I betrayed the magic of life single handedly because I decided to live mindlessly. It felt easy to be on auto pilot.  Just to get through my days.  I think I may have even complained a little about doing dishes and laundry, paying bills and keeping up with my work load.  Trying to remember the schedules of 5 people.  I allowed it to take control of me. 

It was about 5 years ago when I began to pay closer attention to my camera and decided to document the every day, not just the special occasions and vacations, I decided every day had something special about it.  In practicing and taking pictures nearly each and every single day, I began to meet other people just like me.  People who loved to capture life, every day life though their lens or better yet, their smart phones. 

I also realized it’s not good to compare myself with others because there will always be a better writer, a better photographer, there will always be someone better, so why not just appreciate the person I am.  The person I was created to be.  And with this acceptance comes an understanding of imperfection.   Imperfect life, imperfect images.  I can capture the magic of the moment in a blurry, grainy not very spectacular photo.  But it doesn’t matter because it’s my moment, it’s my moment to live, it’s my moment to remember.  It’s okay and I’m okay.   I don’t have to be perfect and It doesn’t have to be perfect.  It just has to BE. 

My joy is back!  I’m finding joy in our every day life by being mindful.  By slowing down and by re-arranging my priorities.  I’m still a grown up with grown up responsibilities but I have found the importance of people, friends, family and the blessings that come along with everyday ordinary life, not just special occasion life but every single bit of it. 

I’m happy to shout out from the highest rooftops that “I have found myself again and I have returned with honor”  And I don’t plan on getting lost ever again.

I have something special to offer.  I will randomly select two winners to receive a free copy of my most favorite magazine, Bella Grace.  Just leave me a comment, tell me what you thought lived inside of television sets or anything at all, like what makes your heart skip a beat.  I really want to know.   I'm a part of the brand new Grace Notes Blog Hop - Ordinary Magic I do hope you will visit as a few times a week a new blog will be released with more Bella Grace give-a-ways.  My give-a-away random selection date will be on March 31st:)

February Taking Stock

MADE:   two weeks (Monday through Friday’s) eating vegan with my first born cub

COOKED: homemade pasta sauce twice this month,  just three ingredients that somehow tastes really wonderful

DRANK:  I’m never really too exciting on this part however I did try my first shot of tequila.  Just one shot and I’ll stick to coffee, tea, water and wine.  

READ:  The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan and currently reading What Your Body Knows About God by Rob Moll

SURPRISED BY:  a visit from a really good friend, she just sort of ended up in front of my house! Made my DAY

RECEIVED:  The sweetest owl tea towel, a telegram of congratulations attached to a very adorable bottle of wine

LISTENED TO: Winter Acoustics on Spotify  

ADVENTURES:  Got to enjoy a beautiful concert by JJ Heller  

WISHED:  Eating right and exercising wasn’t such hard work.  I realize we have to work hard to make changes but it’s really hard. 

ENJOYED:  The grand opening of my friends 2nd store “share and do good” in Long Beach, an overnighter in Landers and a really beautiful walk in the desert

WONDERED:  Just how the weather might be back East when we take the 8th grade history trip in March

WORKED ON: writing a letter a week that I randomly pull from my Christmas card bag

DIDN’T:  Watch the Oscars.  I don’t even like that stuff.  Ever. 

WATCHED: The big full beautiful low harvest moon

NEEDED:  to be more mindful in LOTS of different areas in my life.  LOTS.  

CELEBRATED:  Valentines day with motorcycle man and being published in Bella Grace 

NOTICED:  Spring really is arriving early, the flower buds on the tree’s are opening, the roses are blooming, the hollyhocks are already wild and the bulbs have made their way through the soil. 

ADMIRED:  My mom,  beautiful, hard working and taught me so many really useful things.  I can’t imagine not talking to her nearly every single morning. 

BOUGHT:  warm clothes for our trip to DC.  

DISLIKED:   sloppy joes.  The boys had a craving and went out to get the “stuff” they made me take a bite.  It’s as terrible as I remember and they were disappointed too;)

FELT:  LOVED so loved and supported by my family and friends

LISTENED:   DJ None Dairy Dreamer on KUSF:)  She introduced me to Nina Simone

DISCOVERED:  Nina Simone:) isn't it funny when someone decades younger than me, introduces me to someone decades older than me!  I mean I have heard some of her songs but never really thought to wonder who it might be. 

Week 9 - us girls

Week Nine.  Still going strong but our ideas are not so adventurous.  My goal though was to just take a picture remember?  We had a wonderful time away in the desert and on our way home we met our first born cub in Covina to look at a possible new car, then we took a detour on our way home through memory lane (Whittier) We were on the road a good long time and a little tired upon arriving home.  Abbie was tired too and had not even so much as gotten ready for the day.  So we laid on the dining room floor and this is what happened.  

This is the real deal. Abbie looks pretty adorable.  I swear I wanted to be here (promise)  I just, well was tired and a little frustrated that we couldn't be more creative than laying on the dining room floor.  

I think she has such pretty eyelashes.  I love her freckles and the twinkle she has in her eyes, the little tiny stray hairs that curl up and remind me of when she was a baby.  I love that she has blond hair and light eyes and just a tiny piece of me in her one eye, that I can still be her mom and have a totally different color hair and different color eyes and even my skin tone is different but I'm still her mom.  No denying that.  We have similar laughs and our facial expressions are so similar it's kind of scary.  

tessa leaps for liberty...and cake of course

Tessa was Abbie’s tutor when Abbie was in the 4th grade in 2011.  This means we have known Tessa for 5 years.  Tessa not only was a tutor/mentor for Abbie but also very quickly became our families friend. I feel very blessed with the young women God has brought into Abbie’s life.  Young Christian women who have been tremendous role models.

Tessa didn’t take long to leave an impact on our lives.  I remember the day we went to the park to release red wish balloons.  Tessa wrote this on hers “I wish that everyone would love others the way they want to be loved” Tessa didn’t just wish it, she LIVES it.   I want to tell you so much about Tessa, that we have UN-officially adopted her as our 2nd daughter, Abbie has always wanted a sister so we have that.  There is the fact that she has spent substantial time in Uganda a few trips in her young life to work with non-profits and spend time with the women and children of that country. Falling in love with the people in Uganda in fact, they truly have a piece of her heart.  We are so happy to have her back in California where we get to spend time with her.  Each time spent with Tessa there are guaranteed, smiles and belly laughs. She brings joy and light with her every time she visits.

She recently got a job at another non-profit, Liberty North Korea.  She is working to raise money for refugee rescue.  Tessa is somebody I find easy to support.  Tessa’s sincere time spent getting to know our family and especially our girl’s heart. Time invested and love are two great gifts she gives to us.

I realize you don’t know Tessa the way we do, but because our family loves her so much I just wanted to put it out there because a few wise friends have taught me, it's okay to just ask.  It’s for a really great cause and if you watch this Ted talk (below) it will help you to know more about what Tessa is doing to help.  Watching this video brought tears and feelings of great gratitude for the life I was given.  I have no idea, not a clue what Joseph Kim and many others have experienced or are experiencing even now.  It’s heart breaking.

This is Tessa’s site for donations if you feel it in your heart to give, to help. click on this bold LINK REFUGEE RESCUES and it should take you to her page.  https://www.classy.org/fundraise?fcid=617156  I heard the link I "tried to link doesn't work" so just go to the website I have here. 

just try, that's all you have to do

I’m not exactly sure how to express how completely overjoyed I am to have been published in my favorite magazine.  Right before Christmas I had a goal to submit a written piece with photographs for Bella Grace Spring deadline.  I honestly went in expecting not to be selected, after all there must be hundreds of submissions from around the globe.  However I just did it anyways because how might I get published in my favorite magazine if I don’t even try.  I went in with the attitude of “If at first I don’t succeed try, try again” I also went in thinking of my kids, all three of them.  Wouldn’t it be a great example to show them what it’s like to go after a dream.  Yes, one of my dreams was to be published in a beautiful uplifting publication.

And so

I tried.

I wrote it all out, attached some images, took a deep breath, said a little prayer and hit the send button.

I had read that it may take a good long while to receive the news. So I quickly put it out of my mind, as if it had never happened. 

However

Less than 24 hours later, I received an email from the Editor-In-Chief, my article and images would be published in the spring publication of Bella Grace! I was so excited.  But I didn’t want to tell very many people because in the back of my mind I was still wondering if it would actually pan out.

When I got the mail this weekend I saw my free artist copy of Bella Grace!  And I’m elated. It’s just perfect the way it was laid out, just perfect.  I’m grateful and honored to be a part of a community of writers and artist for this spring addition of Bella Grace. I read on Bella Grace website that this publication will be on the stands by March 1st.

I’m happy I tried and that being said, if you might be thinking you want to try something you have been dreaming about.  I encourage you.  Just try. 

60/40

Lately I have been preparing food more from scratch but largely because the last two weeks I have eaten vegan with my first born cub and this will be week three.  I still eat meat and diary but only on the weekendS.  It’s like 60/40 right now but still I have noticed I get more greens in, more healthy produce because of this choice.  Funny though…I have gained weight so need to figure that one out.  It can’t possibly be the 40% weekend freedom I give myself…but maybe so. 

Sunday afternoon I was lost in Pinterest for a while and I found a truly simple tomato sauce.  It was shown with Pasta but we had planned to make homemade pizza Sunday night so I figured it may make a good pizza sauce.  It was only three ingredients and I made do with what we had.  So it’s not exactly the recipe and I did’n’t follow measurements but this is what went into our sauce. 

one can of whole stewed tomatoes

one can of diced Italian style tomatoes

two medium sized tomatoes from vine

half an onion (from mimi’s house) 

and a pretty large scoope of butter, maybe even close to half the cube

I let it come to a boil, then simmer for 45 minutes.  Then I put it in my blender and blended it smooth. 

Abbie ate a tiny bowl as if it were tomato soup one of her favorites.  She just kept raving about how wonderful it was.  Dylan thought it was mighty tasty too.  So basically a big, big hit and for sure will be incorporated into our meals here or there. 

Monday morning I had not prepared well for our vegan lunch so again I had to pull from what we had in the fridge and cupboard.  So this is what I came up with:

rainbow quinoa

red beans

kale

tomatoes

mushrooms

broccoli

fresh garlic

olive oil

sea salt and pepper

I sautéed the garlic, broccoli, kale and mushrooms in olive oil, rinsed the beans, cooked up the quinoa and mixed it all together.  I also packed up some raw almonds and threw in a avocado and lemon if we want to add it to this protein packed salad. 

Week 8/52 Mom with her girl

Week Eight and of course we have not given up, we had a boba date and Laynie helped out this week and was our photographer.  We enjoyed our boba and although we wanted to do something more creative, we thought a boba date would be a nice memory for 2016.  I feel really blessed living the the diverse community that we live in.  Our kids are able to enjoy all kinds of different ethnic foods and expand their palates.  They are open to so much because of where we live. They have also been able to experience different traditions and cultures other than our own with friends they have made in school. It’s a very good thing. 

This week is short and simple but some weeks are just like that.  We have about 10 days before we take off for the 8th grade DC trip where we will be visiting Mount Vernon, Arlington Cemetery and a night tour of the DC monuments for our week 10 mother and daughter portrait day.  Wishing you all a great week. 

JJ Heller was in Irvine!!!

Do you guys know about a singer song writer named JJ Heller? Well she has the most beautiful voice and she plays along side her husband David who plays the guitar all the while she sings AND plays the harmonica! Did I mention she is out of this world ADORABLE? 

I first discovered her around 2007/2008…give or take.  I was having a relaxing weekend at our family cabin and we always shop at the village.  The village had a really tiny Christian bookstore that I always liked to visit. Did I mention I have a tiny obsession with magazines.  Like really pretty magazines?  There was a magazine that caught my eye called Life Beautiful.  It was a Christian publication and based on the cover alone I had to get it.  As I fully enjoyed the issue of this newly discovered magazine, I also discovered they had music suggestions towards the back.  One such suggestion was J.J. Heller and so when I got back home and had access to the internet, I looked her up.  The very first song I heard was called GROW.  I fell instantly in love with it.  

If you have just a little more time, check this one out from her latest album. “this year”  You will see what I mean about ADORABLE.  

Okay so, a while back my Aunt and cousin whom I loving like to refer to as Moon Mama and Miss Moonspinner told me about a women’s event that JJ Heller would be performing at and it was relatively local.  Like 5 minutes or less from my mom’s house.  I invited my mom because I knew she would have a good time too.  And our fellow moon friend Miss Moondaisi also got to go who also is a super fan of JJ.  So you see we realized it had come FULL circle.  I introduce Miss Moonspinner to JJ via a handwritten letter, she then introduced JJ to her mama and Miss Moondaisi and it was Miss Moondaisi who discovered JJ would be in Irvine and let all of us know about it.  See full circle. SO AMAZING.

When we arrived I walked straight to the JJ Heller table, it was full of her C.D.’s and a gorgeous children’s book written by JJ and David, they make really great things together.  The book was titled “The Golden Feather”  HELLO!  The little tiny girl on front even had red hair and not only that, there was a unicorn pegasus inside the book.  I absolutely couldn’t pass it up.  I had to buy it on the spot.  Okay so besides coffee mugs and obsession for pretty magazines, I have a tiny obsession with children books…sigh and chairs.

After the event was over there was an opportunity to meet JJ and David but it was really, really crowded and I figured they would be inundated with people because there was indeed a sea of people.  I said, “nope, I don’t have to meet them, the line is long and the people are so many, let’s just go”  But the really great thing about mom’s are…they will give you the courage to do things one wouldn’t normally do.  My mom smiled and said “come on Tracie, go have them sign that book, you are here and you may really regret it if you don’t just do it now” She even moved me in that direction and placed me in line.  I love my mom, I really do. 

And let me just explain one thing here.  I had a long day.  A really long day.  I went to work and then did some things for the kids after work then drove 45 minutes to my mom’s and well, I didn’t do my hair (I since have had it cut by my other cousin and it turned out really adorable, if I must say so myself) and I didn’t retouch my make up and even if I did retouch my make up I would have cried it off during her concert.  Listening to her CD’s is one thing, seeing her in person is quite another.  So yeah, I had tears.  And my mom, she took these pictures of us three mega fans.  And if you know Miss Moondaisi the bunny ears are so totally something she would do to a “celebrity” upon meeting them and taking a photograph with them.  I call them celebrities but they are real people and we were awe struck with these real people and practically speechless and David tried to make us comfortable by asking questions we could barely answer because we were too busy grinning ear to ear.   But anyways, turns out the bunny ears were totally appropriate considering every single page in the book has a hidden bunny in the illustrations.  

This is really long but I hope I was able to maybe introduce you to someone you may not have previously known and if you do know her then you can probably agree that she and David are very amazing and their two little girls are mega adorable and her oldest read aloud this new children book on the big screen at the women’s event and one word.  MELT. 

loving the unlovable

Loving the unlovable.  I have started this and stopped and reworded and reworked my writing about five times already and all the while for a few weeks now pondered this phrase “how do I love the unlovable?”  You know what’s strange?  On a global scale this seems easier than it seems in my actual life with personal relationships.  Why is that? When I get confused about things, when I can't sleep, when I have questions, I write letters to God.  I open His word.  I pray.  So let's start there. 

 Dear God,

 How do I love someone who is unlovable?  What am I supposed to do here on earth with imperfection?  What can I do to handle tough situations that are filled with hurt and pain that can easily evolve into feelings of not liking the person who caused the pain which then equals the unlovable.

 I know you left us this big book full of instruction and knowledge and I also know we can interpret your life instruction book in many different ways.  I may see that love is the answer on paper but HOW I put it into action might make all the difference. "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35)

 All I can say Lord, is I’m struggling and I NEED you and I do believe we were created with free will, imperfection and sin so we would need something far bigger than ourselves to navigate this life here on earth.  So I need you Lord.  I can’t do this alone.  I can’t love the unlovable without you.  I just can’t.

 What if the unlovable doesn’t want to love us back, do I still need to love them?  “But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you …” (Luke 6:27). I have prayed for answers, I have opened the word and in writing this letter to you Lord, I have come to the conclusion when you say "love your enemies"...(the unlovable) I don't think you mean, let's hang out and have a relationship with them. I think this is where I get confused as a human being.  I equate love to having a relationship, hanging out being fully vested. 

Accepting the truth, letting go and still being able to love is what I can do. I can pray for them and I can be there for them in a time of need because this is what you do for people you love. Let go and love because hatred is a great time waster and we all know...time slips by quick.

After re-reading this, I know it may sound confusing.  Like a big struggle and that would be true.  It's like a human tug of war with God.  His way is clear but my human way wants to fight it.  His way is much harder and that is exactly why I can't do it without Him.  If it were left up to me, I would allow myself to be filled with animosity and it goes back to the great time waster.  God's got this. Not me. 

Please visit my friend Staci Lee in A Life Developing she has a heart for God. I have witnessed her love for God translate to people in a beautiful way.