what do you love?

What do I love to do?  What do you love to do?

I love water.  I love our little above ground pool and most especially if it feels like bath water.  I can walk straight in and float on my back, do some handstands…like literally all the things I dream of doing on land but have yet to accomplish.  I don’t think floating on land is actually possible but the hand stands are!  I love our pool so very much I even painted a little portrait of it.

And on the subject of painting.  I’m loving that too.  I decided to sign up for an art journal on-line course.  And while I don’t seem to be following the course exact instruction I have found that I love painting in my little journal.  A new friend suggested I take the class (thank you Cynthia!!) I was for sure intimidated.  I didn’t want to spend very much money either.  I had a good supply of acrylic paints from kid’s school projects of the past.  I only needed a few new paint brushes (purchased inexpensively from our Japanese dollar store)  Gesso which I had never in my life heard of (this primes the pages) and I picked up a very small journal because I didn’t want to overwhelm myself.  The art journal I have discovered is a beautiful release for me, therapy in a way.  I hum while I paint and for the time it takes me to paint out a page I feel unstressed and I literally don’t think of anything else except the painting itself.  My ideas often are NOT original.  I will get ideas from Pinterest, or magazines and then make them my own, by adding things or taking things away, using different colors.  The idea’s I find are good staring points.  While other times I will look at Pablo and paint him, or the pool in my back yard (like above) or even the time I tried to paint my own self portrait.  It’s a mix of both.  I sometimes feel bad for taking other people’s ideas but I shouldn’t because the entire idea behind the art journal for me is a healing experience and it’s for me, it’s in a book for goodness sake, I’m not painting these and hanging them on my wall. Below is my latest.  It was not my idea but I added flowers and a few other things that made it my own. 

My video project with 22 Limes

password:     love

To keep our video practice alive after our year long time capsule class with Xanthe, Christina and I have decided to do small video projects throughout the year.  Our last project was a 5x5 with the sounds of the natural environment.  Our next video project was for Mothers Day.  It’s nothing fancy for me, it’s just a documentation of what we did on Mothers Day which for me was generations of woman.  I’m blessed to still have both my grandma’s in my life and on Mothers Day we took grandma to a steakhouse and did some local shop hopping in her town.  Grandma had her daughter, her daughter had her daughter and her daughter had her daughter…lol  It’s a light hearted take on our day of spending time with each other.  I can’t wait to see Christina’s aka 22 limes Mothers Day too.  I have linked the video above and to watch it, there is a password, the password islove

let's go!

I have tried and failed, tried and failed so many times.  But I just can’t stop trying.  I just can’t.  Recently inspired by a new friend I made this year I jumped on the scale this afternoon.  Oh heavens!  Why on earth is it that every time I avoid the scale I know things are not so good.  Yes, I had not weighed myself all year, let alone really worked consistently at improving my health.  I just sort of gave up on the whole idea.  It’s so much easier to draw, read, write and float in the pool then to actually eat good things for my body and move, like as in…go for a walk a few times a week.  

If anyone of you friends and family out there have followed my “so called health journey” for any length of time you will know, I’m always trying this and that but for some crazy reason I have yet to jump on a plain oldhealthy LIFESTYLE.  My diets are never too drastic.  I will juice a while and my skin will just glow, radiate even! But then..burn out.  Cleaning the mess every morning, barreling though produce.  I can’t take it any more!!  Or I will wear my fit bit and get all crazy about getting in my 10,000 steps a day, even if it means walking at 11:30 at night up and down the sidewalk in front of my house or doing laps in my living room to get those steps in.  GEESH.  Why does it take me so long to get this thing down?

Today I decided to jump on the scale.  Yep, I know, I know our weight doesn’t define us BUT, a reality check was completely in order.  I just had to know where I would be starting.  Cause I think I may be starting.  yet again.  The news was horrible.  Just absolutely not good.  In fact dare I say, I’m a teeny bit heavier by a pound than I was when I was going through that great depression and anxiety a few years back?  I’m back there and up one.  No wonder I feel tired a lot yet can’t sleep at night, no wonder I feel heavy when I walk across the floor and only two pairs of jeans barely still fit.  NO WONDER!  I’m just going to say it.  I’m 190.  I’m five foot four and supposed to be a relatively petite person and I’m 190.  Not good. 

I’m not saying a complete failure because as far as life goes I’m a decent person.  I just struggle with taking care of myself.  I think sadly a lot of us gals struggle with this.  I’m taking another stand.  Maybe my baby steps will work.  I have been working up to this for months…heck all year I have been working up to this.  I just know it takes being mindful, caring about what goes into my body to nourish my health.  It takes great intention.  My health goals will not accomplish themselves.  They need a working mind and body to get behind the plan.  Here I go.  Today is a new day.  Let’s see if I can accomplish this once and for all and forever.  One day it’s got to click.  

Bless you if you got through this entire post.  It’s a long one.  Lastly I want to share some of the success that has happened so you know it’s not all bad.  I planted a small garden, I began to art journal, I took a photo class to improve on my photography, I even got published this year! I have kept up with my summer Bible study spending time in the word each and every day except my day of rest.  My legs that were covered in sores and rough with thick skin are 95% better than they were last year at this time.  My anxiety levels are still high.  I think if my health gets aligned that may help my anxiety problem too.  I had to conclude with a little good news.

things lately

I have not blogged in a while.  I have been keeping myself  busy with the new art journaling I have been doing, I have kept up with my photo a day and in fact today I’m on day 276.  The mother daughter weekly portrait project has been neglected but not forgotten.  I just got smart and realized once a week is way too ambitious.  I’m a slow learner.  So instead of naming them as week this or that, it’s now portrait number what have you.  

I have had lots on my mind.  I think it’s the biggest culprit of not being able to sleep sometimes.  I just have a million thoughts whirling in my head.  This is common I know for many people.  I’m not alone.  

My anxiety is still high.  Especially high these days.  I know God is happy to take the anxiety from me if I just hand it over.  However being human is tricky and I so often selfishly want to hang on to that anxiety.  My legs the bottom part are so much better today than they were a year ago today, but I have just picked other spots to well….pick on.  

There is so much I strive for these days.  How to be a good mama, spouse, daughter, sister, friend.  I want to be well rounded…which these days physically is easy to do.  I don’t want to be so well rounded physically.  

I cherish little moments like meeting my sisters dear friends when we threw her a shower for our highly anticipated new little bundle that is due next month.  Or simply meeting a friend for coffee, or taking a Sunday drive in the bug with motorcycle man, sitting in a quiet house while I paint, enjoying the lavender I ordered with this months produce box. There are so many moments that I can focus on that I’m grateful for.  Each morning since June 6th I have sat quietly by myself in the mornings reading Acts and this has been so good.  oh my goodness or this, just now THIS.  The text that arrives this morning at 11:06….”I miss your hugs”  afterhe must have read my prior text…”I miss your face”  

But still there are those few things that I have allowed to take a little joy away.  The things that cause that anxiety.  I get sad that certain relationships are not the same.  Watching the news can totally just crumble me and then that aftermath…the people who argue and drop friends and family because they can’t see eye to eye.  Those things. 

Today the boys ran to get new tires for the jeep.  I’m thankful we have the resources to do that.  It has left the house still so I can write out my thoughts.  I made the best tasting breakfast this morning as I sat to also read articles my Aunt mailed to me which had me giggling and also tearing up.  These emotions of mine.  I have realized it’s just best to let them flow.  Even as I cry at the news of a dear mentor of mine who has lost her brother-n-law suddenly and very unexpectedly and gives me that solid advice of telling those around me that I love that I DO LOVE THEM and to spend that time, any time at all I can spend.  I embrace her and cry and that’s okay to do because we need to not hold back.

But still those torn relationships, the ones that feel unrepairable in this exact moment.  What to do with those?

I share one image today.  It’s my breakfast because I also strive to be healthy, this has been a life long journey.  I always go full forge ahead to burn out and so this time I’m taking it slow.  Which seems easy enough but this has also been a lifelong challenge for me…to take things one moment at a time.  Chapter one.  Don’t diet.  Next week is chapter two…eat whole foods.  The book is called “One Simple Change” And normally I would sit and read at least half the book and try and implement 35 changes at once but this time…once a week and one moment at a time.  

Anyone who has taken time to read this today, thank you.  Your story is important too.  I would love to hear your story.

clean room

This is how it began.  My mom came over today to help me clean.  She is really the sweetest kind of mom you see because we talked this week and I was overwhelmed with Abbie's promotion, work, stuff on my to-do list and really truth be told, it’s that time of the month so I’m pretty sure my hormones had a lot to do with what felt out of control.  She offered to come help dust my shutters and do some general cleaning in our big hang out room.   The three generation cranked some Beatles and cleaned and sang…well mom and Abbie are the singers not so much me. It’s never very much fun to clean but because we cleaned as a team it didn’t feel as tedious.  when we finished up I took a picture of the room.  I noticed the plant in the corner.  We both cleaned the plant, she dusted it’s leaves then I wiped them down with a damp cloth.  

Then I got a little closer and admired all the hearts. 

See, like this one.  Only if you look you will see they are literally all over this pretty house plant. 

I got closer and admired the new leaf beginning to emerge. 

Then I got a step ladder and took a shot from above.  

I can’t figure out which shot will be my day number 261.  I’ll have to think on it a little harder unless maybe someone puts in a vote:)

I still have the kitchen to deep clean, the bathroom and the dining room but I can spread it out a little I guess, I also need to get the littlest and only girl a bathing suit.  She is off for vacation without us this weekend.  All that being said, I found our cleaning today to be quite fun.  I can breathe in deeply and smell the freshness.  Mom made that fire place mantel look nearly brand new!  The floor feels nice under our feet and for today it looks quite nice.  Thank you mom.  I never ever want to take the things you do and the love you give so freely for granted.  I appreciate our time with each other. 

the little yellow book

I realize this moment is very staged.  But there is a story.  I usually have a story.  Firstly the little tiny basil plant is something I’m trying to root so I can replant since my basil has gone to seed.  Mama Bear told me this trick.  It’s so sweet in that tiny bottle.  

Today I met up with a friend who was willing to drive my way, she brought this yellow book,  copyright 1954 of “Around the World in 2,000 Pictures.”  Then she slips a beautiful feather bookmark inside the yellow book, the book that is fairly old…just fairly old and smells delicious.  I swear “they” whoever “they” are better not ever, ever do away with books.  There will be quite a rebellion out of me, mark my words.  That being said.  I still love to hold real books in my hand.  Love technology as you know but a real book.  Nothing like it.  

Back to this story.  The feather bookmark is where San Francisco starts, the Golden Gate Bridge…1954 have you.  How things have changed since 1954.  Like I would know…I wasn’t even born but these pictures inside this yellow book show me just how much this world has changed since 1954.  Day 146

It's been about one month

He left on April 15th, that used to be the day taxes were due.  It’s been just a little over a month.  He landed a job, he landed an apartment.  The job part was easier than the apartment. I guess it’s hard to find an open apartment in San Francisco. 

I teased him when he was looking, “if you find an apartment with a claw foot tub, I just may have to move in with you”  They found an apartment with a clawfoot tub.  They did!!  A really deep, really old tub.  It’s magnificent. 

And even though the apartment only has two windows facing another building, one in the bathroom, one in the living space, it’s relatively a light and airy place, the high coved ceilings help make it feel spacious. 

I remember Austin telling me “mom! it even has one of those elevators with the metal cage!” I think the timing was perfect.  They got word that they were approved the day before his 21st birthday.  What a perfect birthday gift.

I’m a mom.  I get nervous.  I miss him like you couldn’t believe, he is my first born.  He came out with wonder in his eyes.  So quiet and just took it all in.  He has not stopped taking it all in.  He notices things.  He especially has a heart for people and notices people who can be invisible to some.  He sees them and this works well because his love also has a big heart for people.  They both help people together and I couldn’t be more proud. 

We were talking on the phone this past Friday…Friday the 13th in fact.  I had not heard his voice in 6 days and so I called.  I took a chance and just called.  He answered.  It made my night to hear him talk about his plans, how he needed renters insurance and was considering a second job.  It was like he grew up into a full fledged grown up over night.  I even said to him, “Austin, I’m so proud of you”  I heard the smile in his voice and he sort of didn’t know how to respond to that.  I am proud.  I’m nervous for him just because I know life can be hard.  I wish life wouldn’t be so hard but it is.  It just is. I feel as if it gets more difficult the more the years go by.  Things seem more expensive.  I said to him not too long ago...."if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere"  I believe that.  

5x5 on 5/5

I really love that my creative friend Christina encourages us to keep creating.  We both took a film making class with Xanthe last year and in case you may not know who Xanthe is, she is an amazing creative film maker from England.  We both adore Xanthe and admire her creative talent.  So we practice and although all our films may not be masterpieces they are practice and they are special to us because they include moments of our lives.  Christina thought this month we should try a 5x5.  This just means that we film five clips five seconds long each, we put them together to create one 25 second video.  The other catch to this is, there is no messing with the sound or adding music.  It's just simply the sounds of the clip.  Then I thought, why not reveal our 5x5 on 5/5!  That put a little pressure on a deadline so we each have already talked about how certain idea's didn't come to be.  I was in San Francisco this weekend and it was pretty full of helping our son move into his new apartment, more of a work weekend but we did make a little time to do the tourist thing and drive over the Golden Gate, walk around a little bit.  It was for sure the tourist thing to do but I don't care, I'm a tourist in my own city already anyway.  ;)  

Christina and I keep different hours, I know she will be posting today as well but maybe not as early.  So if you click to see her film, you may need to revisit later if it's not up yet.  

reflections on my 45th year

So basically each time I have a birthday I love to reflect.  Reflect on the year I had prior the brand new year I will be starting.  I like to say that yesterday I completed the full year of being 45 and today is my first day of being 46.  It’s a little crazy to think that I just jumped over that mid way mark and I’m ever so much closer to 50.  However as my daughter wrote me yesterday…age is just a number and you are young mom, really young!  I love the way she thinks.  In my mind I do feel very young. 

I like to take a self-portrait.  Last year much like this year the day was full.  Just filled to the brim with blessings.  I received lots of beautiful personal messages wishing me a happy birthday.  Motorcycle man always spoils me each year.  We work together and I love it.  He is downstairs I’m up.  He has placed flowers on my desk on my birthday for as long as I can remember us working together.  Which has been an awfully long time.  This time it was a very sweet basket of daisies.  This is my favorite flower even since I was a child.  This has never changed.  When I find things I like I stick with them.  When I woke up he had the most darling mug ready for coffee, it read “this coffee is making me awesome”  I loved it, then later on he gave me a nice wine glass that read “does this wine count as a fruit serving?”  He really knows me well.  We had poke for dinner and watched our favorite shows.  It was a perfect night.  I received some very thoughtful and personal gifts from those who know me well and it just couldn’t be more perfect.

I reflect on the year prior.  I probably gained some weight since my last birthday.  Our oldest first born boy moved out on his own, our littlest and only girl is in the last year of middle school. Our second born is a Jr. this year and started driving, these things are all new.  I got published a big dream of mine which came true!  I got to meet some beautiful photographer souls that were on my dream list. Angela, Andrea, Laura, Debbie and Allison. Isn’t that just the most crazy thing ever?  Life is good.  I discovered FINALLY the true reason for my sore legs, I finally admitted to that weakness.  They are so much better now.  Not completely healed but better than I have ever seen them in the past 5 years.  I made some new friends. I went on some epic awesome adventures, we drove across the states to Arkansas, we saw the Grand Canyon, we went to a family reunion in Indiana, I went back East with my girl and got to see New York for the first time and revisit D.C.   We stayed in awesome Yurts in Big Sur,  my friend from Seattle came to California for a visit and I got to meet her and her family at the beach, a new girl came into our lives full of sunshine and positivity, her name is Crystal.  I got to see my niece and her family from Michigan and her mama too! I got to witness friends get married. Tessa moved back to California.  My niece up north got accepted into a great university in Michigan because she is an awesome softball player and so the scholarship is full!! Abbie and I started a mother daughter portrait project. We took some wonderful trips to the moon with my moon gang. So much more.  It helps me to remember when I photograph something each day.  I can look back on the year and smile.

That's a little bit of what I can remember, which seems like a lot of bit.  Believe me I don't travel much so the fact that I was in Indiana,(even a layover in Georgia) Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Arkansas, Virginia, New Jersey, New York, Philadelphia trips me out big time, totally not my normal. I look forward to what my 46th year will bring me.

April - Taking Stock

MADE:   A commitment to join an on-line photo class

COOKED: What I realize is, I don’t cook many things out of the ordinary.

DRANK: Slightly addicted to Dripp’s Spanish Latte.  Had it twice this month!

READ: Reading a book called ‘5 Habits of a Woman Who Doesn’t Quit” it’s a Bible study based on the book of Ruth.

SURPRISED BY: How beautiful people can be.  I had a notary job and since part of the party didn’t show up and we couldn’t complete the notary, the man paid me for my time.  More than I charge for the one signature I was going to notarize.  I at first told him it was okay.  But he was insistent on how my time is valuable.  I accepted when he said take the kids to frozen yogurt with it!

RECEIVED:  Beautiful post cards from Chicago from a pen pal in a project called “love notes” it’s keeping snail mail alive.

LISTENED TO: My Brightest Diamond

ADVENTURES:  Headed to San Francisco early this morning. To see our first born and his new place.  Help him get situated.

WISHED: San Francisco was like 30 minutes away.

ENJOYED:  My coffee date with my cousin Jeanie whom I always enjoy spending time with (1st Spanish Latte) and then the very next week got to meet up with a beautiful friend I went to school with from 8th-12th.  She was uplifting then and even more so now.  She gave me thoughtful gifts and it was such a great time to catch up.  (2nd Spanish Latte)

WORKED ON:   practicing shooting pictures.  I practice every single day. 

DIDN’T: walk as much as I wanted

WATCHED: My friends 1 second per hour video a day in her life. We each made one.  It was our video project for April.

NEEDED: To play a tiny bit of catch up on our mother daughter portrait project.  But I said this recently “it’s a 52 week project…doesn’t mean it has to be 52 weeks in a row”

CELEBRATED:  Austin turning 21 in my own way, without him physically being here. I can’t believe I have a 21 year old man.

BOUGHT:  the most happy rainbow cardigan sweater

FELT: Worry of a mother, I know I’m not supposed to but I’m as human as they come.

DISCOVERED: my teacher for photography lives nearby and we have quite a lot in common so we may just meet for coffee! It’s a small and beautiful world it really is.

The beginning of his 21st year starts TODAY

When first born turned 18 I made a list of 18 things I love about him. I decided to catch up that list and now I have a list of 21 facts that make it so easy to love him.  Happy birthday brave man.  You left to follow your dreams, to spread your wings and take flight in a beautiful California city.  You will succeed.  You have everything within you to succeed. 

1.  He is compassionate

2.  He is good at solving problems

3.  He has gorgeous clear blue eyes

4.  He is affectionate

5.  He stands up for what he believes in

6.  He is good at conversations, never at a loss for words

7.  His mind is creative

8.  His heart is huge

9.  He is thoughtful

10.  He has a cool silly laugh

11.  He is a realist

12.  He is down to earth

13.  He is unique and doesn’t mind being so

14.  He is good in the kitchen

15.  He loves animals

16.  He is a solid and dependable friend

17.  He has good ideas

18.  He is my oldest, first born son whom I adore we were all blessed the day he was born.

19.  He is LOYAL

20.  He loves music 

21.  He is BRAVE

Austin, a man named Marcus Solero said it pretty well “A possibility was born the day you were born and it will live as long as you live.”   The world is a better place because of YOU.  the password for video is   love

And just cause...I posted last years birthday video because I still can't believe you have gone from that tiny little baby boy to a grown man.  I'm so proud of you for being so brave, for moving to a beautiful city, for being so patient in trying to find a place to live, you showed a great deal of perseverance. God's timing is just so perfect, you got news on your apartment the day before your birthday.  Like a big huge birthday gift for you.  

Love MOM

week 15/52 mother and daughter portrait project

I can’t even explain to you how much I LOVE this project.  I feel very thankful too that Abbie is game to do all the things I ask of her.  This is the first week we actually purchased props.  This week we went to Goodwill and picked up a few blouses that we thought may look old in a photograph.  We didn’t spend too much and we are stoked with the results.  As usual we each like different pictures.  We took about a dozen and narrowed it down to 4.  She hated the blouse we found for her to wear so her favorite picture also is without that blouse.  I have other ideas floating around in my head.  We are a little behind too but I’m trying not to fuss about it.  I wonder what the next portrait will be??  

her favorite

my second favorite

April 12th....my day in seconds

There are so many things that can happen in one day.  I’m doing a mini movie project with 22 limes. 

We each picked one day in our life to document, approximately 2 seconds within each hour. It’s the tiniest of snippets of our day.   60 seconds makes a minute, there are 3,600 seconds in one hour.  3,600 possible moments that can happen.  I notice also that I can do quite a lot in one hour.  My day from waking to slumber is on an average about 16-18 hours.   There are 61,200 seconds in a 17 hour day….that’s 61,200 possibilities but I will only show you 38 seconds of my entire day from waking to slumber. On this particular day I went to bed early by 10:00.

 I can't wait to see Christina's day because she has a lot of creative juices that flow through her veins. The password for this short clip is LOVE all caps❤️

picture blog

Pablo is like "what's going on mom? my whole world is a changin"

Did I ever tell you that one time I got a ribbon and was named "Grand Duchess of Sparkle and Shine" yep that totally happened.  

 And when Austin was 4 and we drove up the coast and found this little wine cellar named after our first born and 17 years later, I still have the same bottle on my dresser that used to be my friends when she was in elementary school and her mom gave it to motorcycle man as payment for helping them move.  Let me just state for the record "I HOLD ON TO THINGS"  things that mean a lot to me. 

Please tell me every mother saves her children's teeth in a Russian hand painted lacquer box, that her mom brought back from Russia and gave her as a gift.  A very, very generous gift. 

The sentimental gifts and charms I save.  I cleaned out my closet.  Tossed out clothes and purses, I let go of old books and shoes but I kept these special things because they help me to remember the friends who thought of me when they put them into my hands to hold 

The dish of stones and hearts and worry rocks and glow star.  I dusted them off and set them back on that old dresser that holds a story.  

The minute you hang your shirts to dry and realize, "I must like the color blue!"

And I obviously.... "I LOVE red"  So you see things are changing.  I'm ridding myself of "stuff"  I'm mentally preparing myself for another chapter in this life.  Things change and luckily I'm good with change.  It just takes me a minute to adjust but I'm always willing. 

mother daughter portrait project 14/52

I decided this blog post I would share some good quotes by some strong women. 

Whatever you do, be different – that was the advice my mother gave me, and I can’t think of better advice for an entrepreneur. If you’re different, you will stand out.”– Anita Roddick

“The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.”– Ayn Rand

“If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough.”– Oprah Winfrey

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”– Maya Angelou

 

she shoots film and shows us the world through her eyes.....she is damiec and I got to meet her

I can’t believe it’s been a month already since I took that trip with my girl to the East Coast.  I absolutely loved every waking moment of that trip, sleeping moment too for that matter. It was because of this trip I was able to check a few things off my dream list.  Mainly meeting a dear soul I had known for the past five almost 6 years now.  It’s strange how this world works and often hard to actually explain the word “connection” unless you actually experience it.  How do you connect with a stranger who lives over 2,000 miles away, literally on the other side of the United States?  Whom you met on a photo sharing site none the less?  The INTERNET!!  Scary for some I know but even though I’m really grounded, I’m open to interacting with strangers.  Strangers who often end up becoming friends.   Debbie is one of these friends.  

How I admired her eye.  I remember complimenting her photo’s in the beginning and she confessed to me that she used a point and shoot digital camera.  She didn’t even have a “real” camera in 2010 when we were visiting each other’s daily images. She was using a Fujifilm point and shoot and  her photos were interesting, intriguing, fully pulling me in each time. Because the secret of photography in my opinion isn’t about the equipment so to speak, it’s about the EYE.   As time went on, she did upgrade her camera until most recently and actually for a while now, she went back to film.  Pure FILM.  She has to shoot with intention, she has to be selective and she has to take her time.  I admire her so very much, you have no idea.

So when I finally got to meet her, March 8, 2016 and hug her for real, look into her face, hear her voice. It was a dream come true.  Even better than that, she walked me around Georgetown, she talked about its history, her history too.  She shot with her film camera, she even shot portraits of me in the alley behind a famous jazz bar.  I was so impressed with her confidence and how she shot film at night.  I hope to see those images someday.  I shot too but with my digital.  We talked about mutual friends and other photographers we admired.  The limited two hours went far too fast but it left me feeling content, full and very happy.

I asked her if she might jump with me?  She smiled and told me how she just could never seem to get much air when she jumped but she would for sure jump with me….because it was ME! It’s always tricky with that timer.  I didn’t bring a tripod or remote.  So we had to time that timer just right.  For sure there was laughter, there is always laugher when one jumps and see’s the silly facial expressions and contorted weird body freezes the camera captures.  

We have watched each others children grow up via images shared, written notes of encouragement, we have opened up with each other on a level I again can’t begin to explain.  It’s like she knew all of me before we ever even met person to person. 

It for sure was a strong community of supportive and creative women, who were ordinary regular people, who happened to share the same passions.  We had found each other and it felt so right.  I still have my little red man.  I was a fortunate one who received a little super hero from Debbie.  I carry him in my purse, I take pictures of him every so often.  It’s interesting this world that opened up to me. Although it has changed quite a bit and we all have sort of moved in different directions, there is no denying it was a time in our lives that helped us all to find ourselves, go back to our true selves.  I know I couldn’t have done it alone.  It took a tribe of creative woman to get me there and I will forever be grateful.

Debbie has sent me many gifts in the past, one of them was a handmade photo book.  I have decided to print the images I took with her that night and put them in that photo book.  She made sure it had plenty of red with polka dots.  I love red.  My old screen name used to be RED.

mother daughter portrait project week 13

Oh my goodness.  All week we have tried to take our mother daughter portrait.  We had this brilliant idea.  But each day something came up.  Abbie didn’t feel well, the hair was NOT going right.  And so on and so forth.  Today is Friday.  We have to fit it in because before you know it, we will need to be working on week 14.

Okay let’s be real here.  We were both mad.  We decided to get some housework done.  She took the dishes, I took the vacuuming job.  

THEN IT HITS ME 

Let’s just be real about it.  

Lets take our moment in the kitchen

SHE ACTUALLY AGREES!

Honestly, it starts off with a little stress in the air.  The expressions are real.  I’m not happy about how today is going and neither is she.  

I think I need the red lipstick, maybe puff up my hair a little, take off these red shoes that I have been wearing entirely too much.  She even decides a little lipstick is a good plan.  Still we don’t exactly know how to pose and the tension…..It’s still there. 

I decide a jump should be fun. From experience I know jump shots clear the air.  Lighten the mood. 

Then she has an idea.  She goes to the fridge and pulls out the whip cream.  

Okay mom, JUMP!  Literally we figured out that she had the timing down better than I did and when she said JUMP, I would jump and it would mostly work.  The whole truth.  We took 58 pictures.  It was the very LAST shot that we both liked the best.  This is REAL LIFE.  My rolls, uh huh, that’s real, the crumbs on the floor, that’s real too, the empty water pitcher in the sink, REAL. It’s almost always empty.  I guess that means we drink a lot of water.  This is week 13.  Until next time:)

what is success to you and how do you learn?

Life would be so easy if it were to go exactly as we imagined it might go.  However I have learned so far that life has a mind of its own.   

Success in love and companionship, success in environment, success in doing what one loves doing this is true success, yes? This is how I define it.  Others define it by what they have acquired or how much money they have made.  This is important too, because it’s important to them.  But for me that’s not what I have found as success.  

I, in fact watch the oldest as he is ready to fly and I admire that he has his own ideas and it has me questioning my own ideas and how I so easily get comfortable in what I know and then become afraid to try anything different. I think in checkers it’s called a stale mate when the player is unable to move.  I often feel paralyzed in life itself.  My head knows it’s all my fault that nobody can move me but myself.  Maybe sometimes we are given these gifts of children to also learn from them. By watching them and not stopping them, not getting in their way.  Not putting our ideas on them but letting them find their own ideas become who they are meant to be. 

This past week we watched two little ones.  The little girl, she is so small but so very mighty in many ways.  She knows she is strong, she knows she can do 8 cartwheels in a row and very well, she knows she is awesome, she knows she is pretty, she has more confidence in that little body, like the confidence of 100 people.  She has parents who encourage her, who tell her she’s got this.  She has no fear.  She just does what she imagines she can do. It’s really quite amazing to meet a little person like this.   Again learning from little lives who see the world as their oyster.

God shows me this example by creating me and then giving me free will to choose the path I will choose.  Sometimes I feel like fear shows itself in control wanting to control the outcome because one doesn’t want the person they love to feel pain, the pain of life.  But the pain.  It must be felt.  It’s important.  It’s hard but very important.  And in this way I’m glad I have a God who can worry for me. Although truth be told, I’m not very good at giving Him my worry.

March - Taking Stock

MADE:   Balloon Chalk drawings on the driveway and took pictures with my girl.

COOKED: Cinnamon rolls for Easter and again Monday night the day after so I didn’t waste all that precious dough.

DRANK: Same old stuff however Tessa brought me a fresh squeezed beet juice from a fancy juice place I had never been but only heard about…nectur juice bar.  

READ:    I ordered a book written by “a friend of mine” I type this in quote because I have never met her in person but we have communicated a lot.  Her book is about our unique way of meeting actually and includes stories of an epic meet up that I sadly missed.  However a few chapters in she has actually mentioned me by name and also my girl!  It melted my heart.

SURPRISED BY: being able to finally meet a friend I have known for about 5 years but had never really met in person.  She was every single thing I imagined she would be and more.  She agreed to jump with me even though really it’s not her cup of tea.  She bought me dinner and a coffee.  She showed me her city.  We made it work when it almost seemed an impossibility with my rigid school schedule. 

RECEIVED:  The book I ordered in the mail.  The book is called “Close Enough” by Johanna Leinonen. She tells a very good story that is true. And also a mermaid-ish crown.

LISTENED TO: Winter Acoustics on Spotify

ADVENTURES:  We went back East.  Abbie and I went to a few states on the East Coast for her 8th grade history and it was amazing. Totally amazing. 

WISHED: Politics were not so horrible

ENJOYED:  Working in my front garden and making it look presentable again.  It really does look like spring around here.  I've also enjoyed the caterpillars and watching them turn into crystallites, these are in Mimi's garden, they love her butterfly plant.  

WORKED ON:   Oh goodness, I have no idea. 

DIDN’T: Beat up onmyself too  terribly bad.  Trying to remember grace is something we all deserve.

WATCHED: it snow in Virginia.  And more importantly watched middle school aged California kids become giddy with the snow fall.

NEEDED: I want a lot but I don’t need much of anything.

CELEBRATED:  Birthday’s although not so much in party form but acknowledged a few. Katie started us off right before we left for back East, Little Miracle baby turned one, Caiden turning one as well this was the only party I made,  My girl turned 14 while we were traveling and her Uncle Tim made another trip around the sun, Our friend Tessa also made the journey, and Papa and my brother Brandon, they always celebrate on St. Patrick’s day so nobody ever forgets their birthday and then my friend Debi, she just makes it by celebrating another year on the very last day of March.  Hope I didn’t miss anyone that I personally know. There seems to be quite a lot of babies in March. These were the ones that popped into my head.  I may even have a cousin with a March birthday.  March is just crazy with babies. 

NOTICED:  so many beautiful flowers

ADMIRED: A little girl full of spirit. 

BOUGHT:  the pretty red shoes that read “smile” 

DISLIKED:  How horrible some people can be.  The people who might be trying to become President.  It hurts my stomach.  I can’t believe it really. It’s like living in the Twilight Zone. 

FELT: Worry of a mother 

DISCOVERED: The Ellen Degenerous has a shoe line (ED) and I’m head over heels for her ballet flats that have words like smile, laugh and love.  And so I got the red smile shoes but I also very much so would like the black love shoes and on top of all that each of her shoes does have the word love on it someplace.  They are made well and are comfortable.  My new favorite shoe. 

week 12 mother and daughter portrait project

This is week number 12 of portraits with my daughter.   We have 40 weeks to go on this project and I do appreciate when friends and family send me ideas.   My Aunt and Cousin had sent me an idea for chalk drawings.  I thought they were so cute.  I couldn’t convince my girl to do the super hero flying over buildings because that’s the one I wanted to do but she agreed to the balloon chalk drawing idea. 

I had old pastel sidewalk chalk in the garage and I drew us some balloons.  I kind of wished I had the brighter sidewalk chalk but we used what we had on hand.  Then I went to the side of the house and pulled out our tallest ladder.  I asked Dylan if he could give us a hand.  He wasn’t very happy about it but agreed to help us out but it had to be quick because he had things to do…..like go to the gym.  Whose kid is this anyways?  He goes to the gym like every single day.   Okay, truth be known.  I totally admire him.

This one here is part of the process, Elly directing us where to place our hands, telling Abbie her hair looked cool and I was like “Elly, Elly, how does my hair look? What about my dress?  Does it look okay?”  She just giggled and told us it all looked good to her.

I'm thankful Elly helped us.  She in fact told Dylan to shoot quick on what turned to be my most favorite picture because it was us laughing naturally.  She knew it was a good moment and Dylan was already done but he snapped that last picture because Elly said to capture it quick.  Thank you Elly.

Abbie likes this one below where she is in a dreamy serious flight, while I’m still laughing.  I don’t know why but I found this to be so funny because I had NO IDEA what we looked like laying on my driveway. 

me testing it out first.  Abbie said she LOVED this picture of me and I should post it some place. 

It was tons of fun to do this on a Monday late afternoon.  The longer days really help us out.  I just don’t plan things very well.  I’m really happy with how they came out with how quickly we did it but as I mentioned on FB, it would have been nice to dress up in cute dresses and maybe do up our hair a little but I suppose the memory will be what is most important in the end.  Maybe this summer we will have more time for set up and the getting ready part.