Loving Who You Are, Where You Are

I’m so happy to be a part of Grace Notes Blog Hop!  Today I’m going to talk about loving who you are, where you are and I think this topic goes nicely with the awesome give-a-way that you will have an opportunity to win if you leave a comment below telling me how you embrace who you are, exactly where you are. I will choose a winner out of a hat and one lucky person will win a copy of   Field Guide to Everyday Magic.  It’s a beautiful book published by the makers of Bella Grace. It's perfectly sized so that you can carry it with you everywhere you go, fits nicely in your bag and can be pulled out any time you want to feel inspired. I can hardly wait!  I’m so excited for someone to win this beautiful book. I will also include a little something special to go along with the package.  

Please comment by September 7th for a chance to win a free copy of Field Guide to Everyday Magic.  Contest is open to U.S. residents.  International participants are eligible to receive a free digital edition of Bella Grace.  

I choose this topic because I know it’s relatable.  I know it’s something I have struggled with and I know not a single one of us has a life like the other.  Nobody knows what it’s like to be me, to live in my skin in my exact circumstances, just as I will never know how it is for you to live your life exactly where you are, in your skin and with your exact circumstances.  I’m not to discount any of your worries, anxieties or to think my worries are worse or your worries are worse.  My loss is bigger or your loss is bigger.  It’s all relative.  I do think we can agree though that sometimes we might struggle loving who we are, where we are. I want to share three practices that help me. If we don’t have tools we can’t fix what is broken.  

What I have found to work for me are these three things;  Gratitude, giving and and my faith.  My faith keeps me grounded and gives me hope every day.  These three things help me to love exactly who I am, where I stand, even if it sitting in my mom soccer sweatshirt on the kitchen floor. For example, when I go on a walk and my direct surroundings are dirty sidewalks, lacking nature I can focus on the trash or I can find the treasures.  Finding the treasures beats focusing on the trash any day. I can pick up a tiny pinecone and a broken piece of glass and find the beauty in them.  I can appreciate how ruffly the pinecone is made by our Creator, I can also appreciate the sharp round man made glass and see the beauty in each of them.  I can dwell on the traffic noise or I can focus on the suburban birds who balance on the high wires singing their morning praises.  It’s all a choice. I can choose to give out a smile or I can choose to look the other way.  I have experienced both and a returned smile not only makes me smile bigger it reaches into my heart and gives me a feeling of connection and instant joy.  

This isn’t easy.  It doesn’t come natural.  I believe with practice it starts to feel more natural but it takes practice.  It really does.  I have felt bitterness, I have focused on negative things.  I know this makes me feel heavy.  I know this makes my heart sad.  Knowing and doing, that’s the hard part.  I try and practice lots but this isn’t to say life’s surprises don’t throw me into a tailspin at times but these three practices pull me back, gratitude, giving and my faith.  

I can’t stop thinking about the mom who lost her baby,  the woman who battles each day fighting cancer.  The teenaged girl who hates her body or the friend who recently lost her mother.   How do they find their peace, their joy and how do they love who they are where they are?  It’s a choice for them too as difficult a hand they were dealt.  Life will continue to throw us these crazy curve balls, it will never stop.  I believe it’s to teach us empathy, to make us stronger so we can then help others.  There is always a purpose and since we only get one chance, shouldn’t it be our choice to find the beauty in the mess? I promise, there is always beauty around us and there is always an opportunity to give.  

This morning I had the opportunity to go for a stroll around the school across the street from our house.  Every since I had cardamom in my coffee at that place in Huntington Beach, I have been making my french press with a spoonful of cardamom and a few mint leaves to float on top.  It felt special there and it feels special here too.  I try and be mindful as I make the coffee and listen to the water kettle whistle when it’s done, watch the sunlight and shadows on the tile counters, I love to use the handmade ceramic spoon that Gina made me to scoop the cardamom into the coffee grounds.  I’m nervous about North Korea and the news gives me anxiety.  I know it’s reality but sometimes a nice cup of coffee and a walk around the school can be good for my anxiety and helps to get my mind off the news for a little bit.  Motorcycle man loves to watch the news each morning and night, me not so much but I do get bits of it because the t.v. is simply on. 

I walk out the front door I’m thankful that our boys made it home safely from the night before, to see their cars parked in the driveway and out front is a feeling of gratitude right off the bat.  I take my cup of coffee with me so it’s more of a stroll than a serious power walk.  I want to take it all in before I get started with my day.  I don’t do this often, it’s actually very rare but today I had the opportunity.  I keep proclaiming that I’m not a morning person, yet I love mornings the most. 

I begin my walk on the west side of the school, the side we live on.  I immediately begin to notice the trash in my path, the fast food wrappers, the empty “prescription” weed container, the broken glass.  I want to pick it all up but if I picked it ALL up I would be bending over every few seconds and I immediately feel anger and frustration.  Why do people think it’s OK to just leave their trash? I talk to myself a lot in my head and reel myself back in, take my own advice.  Focus on the good.  Just focus on the good.  I look at the grass instead, the part that is green and has dew sparkling on the individual blades, already I’m feeling better.  Then I turn the corner to the north side of the school and the dew begins to really shimmer and shine, it looks like diamonds scattered on the grass.  It feels a little naked on this side without the big, tall palm trees but I’m getting used to the little trees that have pink flowers that replaced the gigantic palms, the trees that have yellow flowers too, it will be nice to watch them grow and mature and go through their seasons. 

As I get to the east side of the school I start to notice the poor little earthworms that the ants seem to like to attack, then I think about being in school again.  I remember that when kids are different the pack likes to pick on them.  It’s easy to pick on others who are different when the rest band together and are all the same. Since I’m already past school age and have grown children and one still in school I know that the different kids begin to stand out in the world.  They are strong for what they endured and they were given the gift of empathy and deep love for others. I think about painting those pretty rocks for the kids at this school to find on their way to and from school like and Easter egg hunt.  I picture myself painting the rocks and hiding them on my walks. 

I turn the last corner on the south side and get to watch my tall shadow walk in front of me. I listen to the birds and feel grateful for another day.  That I woke up and that I can actually walk freely in the morning. Grateful that I can come home and type out all the thoughts that whirled inside my head as I walked all four sides of the school today.  

Thursday night shenanigans

We did something totally fun and out of the ordinary for a Thursday night.  Let me tell you something about me.  I’m usually up for about any kind of adventure (except jumping out of an airplane) that being said, I don’t plan much.  I don’t come up with too many ideas, I don’t know what’s hip and cool. I live in some alternative planet (my mind) and it often leaves me totally out of the loop on the NOW and forget about talking in abbreviations because it takes me way too long to figure out what’s being said in that shorthand way of talking.  

So when I meet someone who is in the KNOW and likes to plan adventures and actually invites me, well, heck yeah I’m IN.  Especially if said person does the driving (lol)  That’s a whole other story.  I have sensitive breaks…what can I say, and I don’t like left hand turns and a bunch of other driving “things”  it’s complicated.

My friend invited us to the Urban lights and a little Melrose Avenue wall art fun.  We left our side of town by around 6:30 so it didn’t give us a ton of time before the sun began to set but we sure found a way to have those few hours be worthwhile.   I really should consider bringing my “big” camera out of retirement, once we got there I was truly regretting that I didn’t bring her along, she has always been my long time faithful friend. All the pictures I share in this blog and there will be lots because it was hard to narrow them down, were all taken with my iphone. 

Let me end by saying my new friend said she needed an Ethel because of course she is Lucy.  To that I say, I’ll be her Ethel any day even though I secretly want to be Lucy (giggle)  Either way it’s a comedy of errors when we meet up with our girls.  It’s for sure great quality mother daughter friend time.   I feel truly blessed by the friendship we share and that our girls can be good friends too. 

GOLDEN MILK

I was first introduced to Golden Milk…only my friend called it tea a few years back. She gave me the recipe to make it from scratch and I did and I loved it but it was a little bit of work so I didn’t make it very often.  In my old blog I explain how to make it from scratch  HERE

Yesterday I made a special trip to a store called Mother’s and this store has all kinds of really great healthy options. I wanted to share the golden milk mixture I found there yesterday.  It’s much quicker and easier than the one I used to make.  The ingredients are nice and simple too.  It contains turmeric, black pepper, vanilla, ashwagandha, cardamom and dates.  It’s vegan, gluten and dairy free and no GMO’s.  In case you might wonder what Ashwagandha is because I did, it’s a root with lots of really great benefits.  Really great for me because it promotes things like graceful aging, menopausal support, memory support, mood booster and even fertility.  Crazy good.  I have luckily discovered the exact golden milk mixture I purchased for 20.00 at Mothers on Amazon for $12.34.  Just search Gaia Herbs Golden Milk, 3.7 Ounce  on Amazon and it will pop right up.

I made mine with hemp milk and it became a dairy beverage when I added the grass fed organic butter.  Here it is in the high 80’s and a bit humid for these parts and I’m snuggled in with a great book and a hot cup of golden milk. I just couldn’t wait until fall to try it. 

It’s good.  I would recommend it and yes even $12.34 is a little much but I believe it will make many hot cozy drinks this fall and winter and with all it’s health benefits it’s well worth it.  It helps better digestion,  soothes a headache, anti-inflammatory, helps fight against colds, boosts good cholesterol and even aids in weight loss support.  Of course I’m not a professional so please don’t take all I have to say here as the “golden rule” but do your own research, check it out and try it.  I think it tastes really great and feels like a treat.  If you are a local friend stop by my house this winter for a cozy cup. Be warned though turmeric stains and loves to leaves it’s mark.  

Mother Daughter Project

This summer has been what I like to call the summer of Niall. Abbie took on a sheep project with her school agriculture class and it was a very big responsibility and huge undertaking. She finished this project last week and we have a little free time before school picks up again in a couple of weeks. 

We planned a mother daughter trip with another mother and another daughter, so let’s just call it a girls trip.  It was a short trip but it was a really fun trip.  We drove up to Ventura to spend one night away.  We shared a lot of laughs, yummy meals, a bike ride along the beach and a little shopping around town.  Abbie scored with a really darling shirt from Goodwill for one dollar and fifty cents. I’m so glad she is open to alternative shopping. 

We also decided to drop by Urth Caffe on our way home from Ventura. The one we stopped at happened to be in the art district so we also got to see some really beautiful art walls and take a few pictures.  It’s been such a long while since I shared mother daughter photo’s on my blog.  These are some of the pictures we took on our way home that I really love.  I also really love that my 15 year old Sophomore still loves spending time with her mama.

travel

It’s been such a while since I sat down to update my blog.  It seems I have trouble doing too many things at one time.  However today I was inspired.  I was inspired in a few beautiful ways.  I got home to some really cool snail mail.  You see a while back I met a new friend.  She read my article in Bella Grace, the one about our Mother Daughter photo project and it lead her to my blog and she was kind enough to send me an email telling me how she enjoyed the article.  Let me just say, that never happens.  I will get my few comments from my mom, or a really close family friend but very rarely do I get an email from a complete stranger who is brave enough to tell me she read my words and looked at my pictures and it touched her in some way.  I think people like that are especially brave and kind and I wonder sometimes why there are not more people who share their thoughts as they might happen, and especially if they are good, kind and encouraging thoughts.  I was leery at first because her name was Chris.  Chris can be a male or female name.  Not that I have anything against males but I keep it as a general rule not to have conversations on the internet with other men when I’m head over heels in love with motorcycle man.  It’s just one of my own personal rules.  I was cautious in my reply, yet I wanted Chris to know that I appreciated the words of encouragement that were sent.  Chris responded back and even ended up inviting me to join a group word a day photo challenge.  Just my kind of thing to do right?  So I had to in a round about way, ask Chris a few questions to figure out if Chris was a woman friend.  Sure enough Chris was a woman and I believe her, I really do!  I believe we met sometime at the first of this year.  She seemed to be filled with a lively spirt and one of adventure.  And so a friendship of sorts was formed.   I know, I know sounds weird but this is what happened. 

I sent her a little package with some folded up cranes and a little note and the funniest part about that was, it actually got to her when I completely didn’t write the number address on the envelope, just the street name!  Good work U.S. mail!  We laughed about that and thought it was quite magical how it seemed to find it’s way to her without an actual number address.  She then suggested we send each other post cards from places we might visit.  Yes! Yes!  let’s keep snail mail alive please!  I of course agreed.  Only…….I don’t get out much.  My car mostly travels to work and into my hometown.  Anyplace out of that and I’m lost.  I get lost A LOT if it’s not my own backyard.  Turns out Chris travels quite a lot!  I think I sent her one post card to her dozen and I didn’t even go that far just a few hours away.  I mean I’ve been to San Francisco since she and I became post card pen pals but that trip was a complete whirlwind and I didn’t find time to buy a postcard:(  

Today when I got home there was a package from Chris and inside the package was a really cool travel journal. Her words to me in her card was this:

WONDERLUST: (n) A strong desire or urge to wander or travel and explore the world.  Adventure awaits!  xo Chris

I find excuses not to travel.  I think work is more important, I think I never have enough money.  I mean the saddest thing to think about is the time my sister lived in France for 5 years and not once, not one time did I get a passport and jump on an airplane to see where she lived.  I kept making the excuse of not having enough time or money.  That’s really sad you know.  In fact she invited me this year to spend the month of August with her in France as she visits her mother and father-n-law.  This summer we couldn’t because littlest and only girl has a commitment to Niall her sheep.  I told my sister that when our littlest and only girl graduates in three years I promise I will visit France with her.  

I’m thankful for connection.  I’m thankful for being open to meet new friends.  I believe with my whole heart that most people are good and that we learn from others.   I think Chris will teach me to ignite my spirit of adventure!

Mrs. Ostgaard taught me something new today

“It’s strange indeed how memories can lie dormant in a man’s mind for so many years. Yet those memories can be awakened and brought forth fresh and new, just be something you’ve seen, or something you’ve heard, or the sight of an old familiar face.”

— Wilson Rawls, Where the Red Fern Grows

Today I had the honor and privilege to attend a beautiful memorial for a teacher who taught not just one of our boys but both of them.

It’s been 11 years since Austin had Mrs. Ostgaard for his 5th grade teacher and it’s been 7 years since Dylan had her for his 5th and final year of elementary school.  She didn’t have cancer with Austin and by the time it was Dylan’s turn, she had been diagnosed and like the warrior she was, she had beat it and was in remission.  Do you know how glad I was that my second born son would have the privilege to have her as his teacher too?  I’m a little bit shy in general so I never really had the courage to express my gratitude in person to Mrs. Ostgaard and when my mother-n-law stopped by one morning a couple of weeks ago to tell me that Mrs. Ostgaard was on hospice, we prayed together for Mrs. O and yes, the tears rolled down my cheeks.  “Why Mrs. Ostgaard, why?” We talked about writing her a letter so she would be able to know the impact she had on our lives, on our kids lives but little did we know at the time, she was already gone.  She went to be with the Lord on Mothers Day.  Even though I didn’t have the opportunity to write her a letter when she was still here on earth, I can do it now.  

Dear Mrs. Ostgaard, 

I first want to tell you that when my boys were in elementary school I was the kind of mom who prayed to God that He would give my kids the exact teacher they needed.   I was never the kind of mom to go to the principal and try and get the teacher I thought would be good for my kids.  I trusted that who they received would be exactly who they needed.  Little did I know that when Austin my first born got you for his 5th grade teacher that you would impact his life from that year on.  You see that particular year you had a couple of kids with the name Austin.  You naturally decided to give my Austin a nick name and you called him “Ace”  I’m pretty sure you knew exactly what you were doing too because my son had low self esteem.  He was very bright and could talk to just about any adult but he didn’t exactly mesh well with the majority of kids his same age,  he wasn’t the most coordinated and he was a little chunky and kids kind of made fun of him but when you gave him that name, it changed so many things.  He held his head a little higher and it made him feel special.  You gave him value and not just you but the other kids began to pick up on it and even the roughest kid at school went on to call him Ace in middle school and was always very kind to the little outsider. 

I remember Ace’s year was my first experience with your tradition of apple pie.  Yes, I couldn’t believe you were going to teach all of 5th grade how to bake a homemade from scratch apple pie!

When you told me you would be reading “Where the Red Fern Grows” to your class.  I was so excited to know you would be reading that book to the kids because it was my grandpa’s most favorite book and he had passed before Ace was born.  I remember asking you, “How do you read that book to your kids without crying at the end?”  and you simply said, “I do cry, every single time, I cry!”  That’s when I really knew you were the real deal.  

I still have the paper mache bowl that you taught Ace to make and submit to the fair. I’m super sentimental. It holds my colored pens.  

 Four years later my second born son got you for his 5th grade teacher and I was so happy, I wanted Dylan to be able to get to know you how Ace got to know you too and I just had this feeling that you were especially made to be a teacher for boys.  Maybe I’m wrong but it was just this vibe you put off that boys were special, that while some teachers complained that boys could be a little rowdy or unruly, you seemed to “get them”  I had heard you had cancer and I could see this time around you used a cane and had a little bit of a limp but again I was so shy, I was nervous to ask but really just so you know what I wanted to do was hug you tight and tell you how glad I was that you made it, that you were still here to teach my second born son.  Again, I didn’t do that.  Kind of like the quote I opened this up with, it is pretty true how memories can come fresh again when we have heard or seen something that brings them back to life.  That’s what your memorial did for me today.  It just flooded my mind and heart with all those awesome memories.  But it also taught me a lesson, it taught me today that even if I’m a little shy I choose not to let that stand in my way any longer.  Next time I see someone that I want to hug or tell them how grateful I am for them, I’m just going to do it.  I promise I will because I’m pretty sure that’s what you would do.   I also want to thank you for walking in the light of Jesus, that your love for Jesus was passed on to my children and even though they went to a public school, they had a lovely Christian example right before their very eyes each day while they were in your class.  That’s invaluable.  Thank you Mrs. Osgaard, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.  You made such a big difference in our lives. We always, always think of you when we crank out the best apple pie ever.  Our recipe is tattered and has butter stains, it’s well used and just like when I see roses I think of grandpa, when we make that apple pie or even have a slice from someplace else, we will think of you and say a little prayer of gratitude.  

Love Tracie, Ace and Dylan's Mom

Still swimming

In one years time I gained 20 pounds bringing me to the heaviest weight I have been in my entire lifetime.  I remember when 150 was my heaviest weight of my entire lifetime.  Now I just wish I could get below 170 and I still have a hard time believing I reached 193 pounds.  

65 days ago I decided to makes some changes.  I decided to invest in my health.  Literally pay a professional to help me do it the right way.  Maritza has taught me so many awesome new health tips.  I feel like each and every day I get better and better.  

Instead of bashing myself for not completely transforming in 65 days and staying the same exact weight for 3 whole weeks,  let me focus on the good stuff.  Let me treat myself the way I would treat my daughter, my best friend, my mom or grandma.  I would say things like this:

You have lost 17 pounds in 65 days! You are almost at 20 pounds!!  Do you know what 20 pounds of fat looks like?  Do you realize you are almost 20 pounds lighter?  You have done fantastic!

Do you notice your skin looks radiant?  It does!  It shines like the silver moon.  

Remember every day around lunch time you got a mean case of indigestion?  It burned and was super uncomfortable and made you feel anxious when it reared it’s ugly head every single day?  Guess what?  You don’t have indigestion any more! 

Remember when you would get home from work and had zero motivation to do much of anything except lay in your dark room until you had to pick up your littlest and only girl from school?  Then on the way home from school you wanted to stop for something sweet and for sure some caffeine because you were not sure how you would last the rest of the night?

Now you get home from work and do a load of laundry, clean the bathroom, wash the windows and can’t wait to get back home to go on a walk.  Not stopping any longer for a caffeine drink to get you by.  

Remember at night when you would be sitting to watch t.v. and had to get up to use the restroom or get a handful of chocolate chips and when you got up you felt like an old woman?  Really stiff and had to work it out and wonder “is this old age?”  

Now when you get up you feel already warmed up and flexible. What a relief, you are not old after all!

When I began this journey I was depressed, I was unmotivated, stiff, achy with a terrible case of indigestion.  All of that has changed completely in just 65 days and I’m so very close to having 20 pounds gone off my petite frame.  Let me focus on that!  Not get frustrated for staying the same weight for 3 whole weeks. Getting healthy takes time, it takes persistence and it doesn’t happen over night.  Wednesday I felt like I was swimming in circles but I was still swimming, now the current has picked me up just like I knew it would.  

This week I have set a few small goals. Check them out!  

Physically:  I will work with man cub on my core.  He worked me out today and I worked up a sweat.  He has committed this week to helping his mama bear.  I’m grateful. 

Emotionally:  I’m going to sit still for 5 minutes a day.  I know that seems like such a small amount of time but it’s 5 minutes more than I’m doing now. In that time I can pray and meditate on my gratitude. 

Nutritionally:  I decided to begin my day with a warm cup of lemon water and then end my night with a warm cup of lemon water

Spiritually: Open my Bible each day and READ it!

I’m giving myself the grace of 2 free days, my goal is to check these boxes 5 of the 7 days.  If I do better that’s awesome but I will strive for 5.  That’s all for now.  Just letting you know that I’m still swimming over here!

pictures tell a story

Pictures really can tell a story and I would love to share the favorite pictures of our day.  I wrote the memory of when we took his belongings up to him a year ago and helped move the city kids into their new lives and today I write about the day we packed the city kids up for their new summer adventures.  

We set the alarm Friday night for 2:30 a.m. and when paper airplane began to play on my alarm I was immediately excited at the prospects of our day.  We were jumping into the truck to drive 6 hours up north to pack up our first born son.  

The very best time to travel through Los Angeles is 3:30 a.m. it was a breeze.  We were in the wide open land in about an hours time.   We start in the city for a small amount of time we travel a majority through farmland to end up in another city.  The expanse in-between is fairly large. I used to think it was boring and ugly but thankfully years have opened my eyes and heart to the beauty of it’s open space the scent of the sweet soil, the golden expanse with patches of orchards and grapevines all along the way.  I have not however embraced the two large dairy farms that we pass coming and going, it’s the smell that socks me straight in the face.  

We pulled up to 999 Bush by 9:30 a.m.  Traffic is our enemy in Los Angeles and parking is our enemy in San Francisco.  We got kind of lucky and the 30 minute meter was open.  We plugged that meter for several rounds while one person stayed watch at the truck and the rest of us packed and carried boxes and bags.  The 2 hour spot opened and we shifted the truck up to that available meter. That took some pressure off.  

There was a moment or several moments of panic when we thought maybe all their belongings wouldn’t fit in our truck and motorcycle man began to make phone calls to U-Haul and Enterprise to get a second possible vehicle.  NOTHING was open for our one way trip request and a mini van from Enterprise one way was over $600.00.  Praying and believing started to set in like second nature after my first nature was to freak out and panic. Our saving grace was Starshine’s mama who was also making a trip to L.A. and we packed her car full with bags.  It all worked out in the end.  We got every single belonging out of the 16x16 foot studio apartment into the faithful Ford F150 short bed with a little rack we attached to the back which ended up just holding the office chair, rabbit cage and large area rug.  Rich inherited his stellar packing and tie down skills from his Papa Bear and knowing he was equipped with those mad talents took my worry completely away.   I knew we were packed safe and solid.  

We were out of San Francisco in less than 5 hours and on the road again headed towards Los Angeles.  Once in Los Angeles we can be to our suburban little town in about 20 minuets so we always get happy to see the city lights knowing we are almost home.  

This week our second born man cub graduates high school and we now have the job of placing all that stuff someplace so we have room to celebrate Dylan’s accomplishments by Tuesday.  We are so grateful for a long weekend, we are grateful for traveling mercies, we are grateful for a healthy family, we are grateful for this beautiful life we have been blessed with.  WE ARE HOME!

so much further to go

“be strong. You never know who you’re inspiring”

— F-Bomb - Bath bomb

How is it that I seem to get the exact message I need the exact time I need it?

Our 24th wedding anniversary is on May 22nd (Monday) We went away Friday after work and returned home late Sunday morning.  Rich surprised me with a little get-a-way in Laguna Beach, while this isn’t far from home it felt worlds away.  This month has been challenging trying to make healthy choices, get more steps in and in general be a healthier person.  I joined a 30 day brave challenge to keep me motivated on my life style change.  That’s helped but because May has always been a month of major celebration it’s been hard.  I go two steps forward then three steps back.  I have announced to the internet and whomever is reading my blog and updates on IG and FB that I’m on this what I call “health journey”  I feel like it holds me accountable in ways.  

While I have changed my eating habits quite a bit I have also experienced some discomfort with my legs.  I already had a major flare up and infection came up in my right leg.  My health coach told me it was a good sign.  Toxins coming out.  Some people have stomach issues and bathroom issues where their toxins release, me, it’s the skin.  This weekend I had another major flare up and by Sunday I had a hard time walking comfortably.  Super red, raised and tight, two volcano’s ready to erupt.  Tonight I decided to bite the bullet and take what Maritza calls the natural antibiotic.  One tablespoon of raw honey, cayenne pepper and one garlic clove.  So I did it,  I have been afraid to try it for fear of reeking of garlic but I felt desperate tonight.  I also put honey over the infected area’s and hoping by morning the poison will have found it’s way out.  

I have had the challenges of special celebrations, birthdays, Mothers Day, our anniversary then there is the infection that keeps rearing it’s ugly head,  or the sleepless nights when all I do is scratch my already flared up wounds.  My cousin Jeanie told me endurance should be my word as I have claimed the catch phrase “Keep Swimming” 

Today was a day of defeat.  I felt depressed and this could have something to do with the way I have eaten lately. This month I have had way less sugar than my old ways but I have still had some treats.  This month I treated myself to a vegan cinnamon roll, one sprinkles cupcake and a chocolate lava cake dessert on mothers day.  While this isn’t terrible it’s been hard this month. When I got home today I slept.  I slept because I didn’t know what else to do.  I felt like giving up.  

I ended up making good choices for dinner and stopping by Sprouts to set myself up for success this week.  Then I took a bath and guess what?  That darn bath bomb had the most perfect message once again.  

I’m not giving up.  Even though I feel like it.  I’m holding the word endurance close as I keep on swimming.  Because as I love to say…..THE JOURNEY IS LONG and I have so much FURTHER TO GO.

hello, just checking in

“Actions prove who someone is, words just prove who they want to be.”

— Not known

This quote is meaningful to me because as for me so many times I have said things that I intended to do but just never did and without physical actions I can’t get to where I would like to be.  My recent actions have been proof that this little quote by author unknown is true! 

Last week I was down 16 pounds, this week it crept up a tad but that’s OK too.  This is for the long haul and this weekend I fully enjoyed myself, even said yes to a mimosa while shopping.  My first response was “no thank you”  then I said “wait, yes, I think I will have a mimosa while I shop”  I think I need to learn to say yes more.  It was nice too, felt so special, I think they might do that so one might say yes a little more to the things in the shop. 

 I just went on a walk and made 4 trips around the school.  With each trip I picked up a feather.  I found 4 sweet feathers mostly white with a little black on them.  They were so pretty so I brought them in and took their picture.  I love collecting things on my walk.  If I were a bird my nest would be so awesome.  

Lastly, a creative friend of mine is encouraging us to start back with our “Bench Mondays”  Last week I did one and this week I did one and I hope that lots of others will join in.  I had forgot how much fun it is.  

Just a little shout out to say hello and wish you a good week.  I might check in again on Wednesday when I do my “official” weekly weigh in.  Think about joining me next Monday for Bench Monday.  That would make my day.  

40 days and 40 nights

“COMMITMENT means staying LOYAL to what you said you were going to do long after the MOOD you said it in has left you. ”

— Jillian Michaels

this was day 5 of the detox.  Day 5 was the HARDEST day.  I still have my laugh lines and expression lines that I'm actually pretty proud of because it just means I've smiled and laughed an awful lot but I think I do see a bit of a glow to my skin. 

Today is 40 days!  40 days and 40 nights of a mind change, a serious mind change.  I believe it was 2010 that I began to experience a change in my body that I didn’t understand.  During those 7 years I saw at least 7 or more doctors.  All different types of doctors because I couldn’t understand how for 40 years of my life I was fine.  Relatively fine.  Then all of a sudden I became extremely anxious and my OCD took over.  My body itched and I wouldn’t stop scratching.  The past couple of years things have gotten so much better.  I still like to say I’m 90% not quite 100% and this again sparked me to change the way I have been eating and also take control over my own health these past 40 days.  When will it become a lifestyle and not a crazy weird and temporary diet? I’m hoping to finally get this, because this isn’t a diet I’m on, it’s a new way of life.  A life that includes far more healthy choices and way, way less unhealthy choices.   

I read about it for years, I fantasized about it.  Read health books, fitness magazines, enjoyed success stories.  Watched shows like Biggest Loser as I sat and ate snacks of ice-cream, cookies, brownies, brownie batter, cookies and cookie dough, hand fulls of chocolate chips.  Sugar has had a good strong hold on me for many years.  I have on more than one occasion ordered cake for dinner.  Although I have taken my soda intake way down, I would enjoy a coke as we dined out and never turned down the free re-fills.   As I type this out I can’t believe the choices I’ve made for a number of years.  

I decided 40 days ago to invest money into seeing someone who could help me with this journey.  I have not regretted one bit spending money on this because I feel so different already and I understand so much more.  She is a wonderful teacher and a very good example of beautiful health.  Her skins shimmers and shines, her eyes are bright, her hair is long and shiny and her body fits her skeleton perfectly.   

This is my new favorite tea.  My holistic health coach sells all sorts of yummy teas, have not had one I don't love. 

I still have a very long way to go.  I will take each day as they come and hope to make the best choices I can with each meal I eat.  The first two weeks without refined sugar was horrible.  I felt absolutely horrible.  My energy was low, my moods were mean and even now my skin is still detoxing all the stagnant yuck-ness that has been inside my body.  Everyone is unique and different even in the way they detox.  My skin has always been a big issue for me.  I show my stress in my skin.  A few weeks before I got married my eyelids broke out in a ugly rash, I would get hives all over my legs when I was stressed or little boils would pop up randomly.  I never had bad acne but other strange skin issues.  So I guess my “thing” is my skin.  

Today I have lost 16 pounds in 40 days.  When normally my weight wouldn’t budge much no matter how much I walked or worked out.  I have been told diet and nutrition is a large percentage of how to lose fat.  Working out and moving is very important for your heart and overall health but I have been told if you don’t change your diet you wont change very much. 

I know this has consumed me lately and it’s all I have been talking about and posting pictures of but a large part of my success also comes from the encouragement I receive from my friends and family who read my words and see my pictures and encourage me to keep swimming.  

I never in all my years thought I would reach a weight of 193 pounds on my small framed 5’4” body.  That’s a lot to handle on my bones and joints.  I was feeling it too.  I wasn’t being very kind to myself that’s for sure. I was in a big depression too. It’s up to me to change this.  I’m the ONLY one in fact who can change my path.   Keep swimming with me.  I want you to feel good too. 

snail

Not too long ago a friend of mine told me about a book she was reading.  It was called “The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating”  written by Elisabeth Tova Bailey.  I was completely intrigued by the title alone.  I made a trip to my nearby library and checked out the only copy they had.  I thought it was probably a good book of fiction and was pleasantly surprised to find out it was a memoir.  I read about 75% of the book and never finished before I turned it back in before its due date.   This is just ME, maybe you might like the book.  It was filled with lots of facts about snails.  I learned a lot of new things about snails, like they have a boat load of teeth.  Honestly I didn’t even know snails had teeth but turns out they have around 14,000 of them.  Also they can repair their shells, if they get cracked or smashed they can make them all new again.  Loads of snail facts can be found in this little book.  I’m always looking for books that have relationships though and although there seemed to be a relationship between the bedridden narrator and the snail friend, there was not enough of that to keep my attention.  Too many facts and I’m a heart girl, not so much a facts girl.  

However that being said, it opened my eyes even wider to these beautiful creatures.  I get to see them on my walks.  My night walks because guess what?  They are nocturnal. I love the sparkly paths they leave as they make their way across the sidewalk.  Its also a challenge during my night walks to dodge them.  I never want to step on a snail.  

Even on my day walks I notice the tracks they have left on the sidewalk from the many nights before as the sun makes them sparkle and shine.  My camera phone never can capture how awesome my eyes see these tracks. 

Today I went for my walk because I’m struggling with my 7 day detox and figured some fresh air would be nice.  I found a few empty shells and I admire them just like I admire feathers.  The swirls in their shells are just gorgeous.   I brought a few home with me today and also picked teeny bouquets and then I took their picture.  I believe they deserve this kind of acknowledgment.  This is why I wrote this today. 

Not to mention that this health journey feels a little bit like a snails pace.  Also how it brings back memories of the boys bringing me snails.  I remember one time they begged me to let them keep them in the bathroom sink while they took their baths.    Of course I let them. 

The "healthy" carrot cake I made for Easter

This recipe was found by my sister on Pinterest and as it usually goes, my finished dessert looks nothing like the tempting photo that was posted on Pinterest.  And making it healthy just means no refined sugar, no gluten and no dairy.  

Seemed easy but I had to first go out and buy ingredients I’m not used to baking with. Things like gluten free flour, xylitol, stevia, shredded coconut, walnuts, organic carrots,  the dairy free stuff for the frosting and option B like coconut sugar not in the recipe but recommended by sister.

The first step is mixing all the wet ingredients.  The carrots, apple sauce, oil, apple cider vinegar and vanilla.  

The wet ingredients are recommended to sit in the fridge at least 10 minutes or even overnight. 

Then you put your dry ingredients in another bowl.  The gluten free flour, baking soda, cinnamon and xylitol (which is explained to be a natural sweetener derived from 100% North American hardwood.) I have no idea what this is about.  I just followed the recipe.  I think next time I will try another sugar alternative. It also had just the teeniest amount of stevia.  You could add coconut and walnuts if you want but I decided to use those as a topping rather than bake them in. 

Mix wet and dry together.  It was more like playdough texture which is where I thought I did something wrong.  Which is why I actually made this recipe twice in one day but both times it was the same consistency. 

I think it was somehow “wrong” because the next step was to POUR the cake mixture into a pan.  There was NO pouring of the cake mixture.  It was more like molding it to the pan. 

It baked flat and looked more like a turkey patty then a cake!  But it tasted really kind of good.  My 2nd born man cub ate three small squares and wanted more.  This was a good sign.  

The frosting was a fail.  I thought it tasted horrible and preferred it without.  The ingredients for the frosting was dairy free greek plain yogurt, dairy free cream cheese, a little vanilla and a teeny bit of stevia.  My sister thought maybe if we added real maple syrup it may have been a little better, or even the coconut sugar.  

I have a long way to go, and lots to learn in this new way of cooking but so far it’s been fun. 

You can find the real recipe HERE

A future success story

I’m a big fan of success stories.  I hope I can be one of those stories and that this picture will change. 

somebody loves red and stripes!!

Hello anyone who wants to read about what I’ve been up to.  Some of you have followed my journey either in person or in the virtual world but if you have followed for some time you will see that I try, I try and I try to often fail, fail, fail.  I don’t mean to but it seems this health journey isn’t exactly the easiest thing to do on this planet.  I have tried often on my own and for many years. I have noticed rather than lose weight and feel healthy I somehow have gained with each passing year and feel worse and worse as the days go along.  I feel tired more than I should, I lack motivation to even get out and take in the fresh air, a little depression, lots of stiffness, and always that anxiety and itchy itchy skin. I’m tired of living this quality of life and in my heart I know I’m responsible. 

I decided to pay a professional and get educated on what I may have been doing wrong all along.  I knew in my heart upon meeting my holistic health coach that I most likely had a sugar addiction.  I knew I consumed entirely too much sugar in many different forms.  Yet I didn’t really want to stop.  The more I ate the more I wanted.  I wanted a dessert after every meal and the in between meals too.  I’ve watched a few documentaries on sugar and I’m completely convinced it’s a drug.  A drug I’m addicted to.  I have no prejudice, I eat all foods, really good and really crappy.  I’m open to it all but because of my constant need for sugar this journey has been very difficult.  

I have seen first hand tremendous results in other people, like my cousin Miss Moonspinner who gave it up and has been successful for some time now.  I can tell you this, she radiates!  Her body has found it’s natural weight and she is gorgeous.  My sister she also glows, she has bright eyes and has healed her health issues with food.  My holistic health coach, Maritza is also another example of what healthy looks like.  There is just something plain different about them.  When I use words like glow and radiate it’s no joke, they just look fresh, bright and alert!  They have learned the art of taking very good care of their human temples.  I admire them as I daily fail.  I’m tired of beating myself up.  Of thinking I can’t do it because it’s too hard.  What if I fail yet again?

But I will never know unless I try.  I’m always up for a try.  Always. I’m on day 15 today without refined sugar, without gluten, without soy, without dairy, without caffeine and eggs too.  While it doesn’t mean I have given it all up for good, it’s the first steps as Maritza says for healing my gut and fighting the bad stuff off.  I do know I don’t want to abuse sugar like I did.  So if it means being really, really strict for a while then I should try.  

It helped that she gave me a lot of new recipes to try when she could tell I was teetering on the edge. I spent last Saturday making my own coconut yogurt, sauerkraut, a flavorful quinoa with black beans, peppers, onions and spices I don’t normally use, like turmeric, curry, cayenne pepper, nutritional yeast etc.  I made this really yummy purple potato salad with a flavorful cashew dressing and I couldn’t find he nettles so I used dill and it tasted terrific.  I made my own bread out of plantains, (that takes some getting used to but it’s actually growing on me.) I made green tea lemon zest gummies and cashew/garlic/dill cheese.  In my entire life I had never made any of these new things.  Of course I’m still waiting on the sauerkraut, that takes 2 to 6 weeks.  There is this satisfaction knowing that I can make these things by myself and in most cases save money rather than buying these healthy things pre-made and then I also know exactly what I have put into them. 

I believe it takes a few things.  

1. A mindset.  This is so important.  If your mind isn’t right then it will not work.  
2. A willingness to try new things.
3. Parting with a few dollars and especially in the beginning while you build your healthy staples.   Better to spend it now on good health choices than later for medications and doctors bills. 
4. A community.  It’s important to have support, lots of support.  

I am yet AGAIN,  trying.  I say things to myself like one step at a time, literally while on walks I will sing that song, put one foot in front of the other and soon you’ll be walking cross the floor, remember that song from “Santa Claus is Coming to Town?”  It gets all whirled up in my head.  my new mantra is just keep swimming, taken from my most favorite fish Dory. 

AutoCamp - Santa Barbara

I believe every so often as a married couple it’s a very good idea to take time away from your every day every now and then.  When the kids were smaller we didn’t get away as much but these days we seem to have a little extra time.  I have what some call a bucket list of places I want to visit, things I want to do.  I like to call my list the “dreams come true list”  And I have always wanted to stay in an Airstream silver trailer.  I wouldn’t mind owning one but just sleeping in one would be so fun. 

I found a place not very far from where we live in Santa Barbara called the AutoCamp.  The moment I saw one of the units had a claw foot tub too, I didn’t hesitate.  I booked our weekend.  Another dream….to own a clawfoot bath tub. 

I wanted to share with you here some of the pictures from our weekend away and also a video.  the video is long but it’s a time capsule for us and a great way to remember our relaxing, romantic and fun weekend away. 

Would I recommend it?  Yes.  However Treebones Resort in Big Sur still wins my number one spot even without it’s own bathroom. 

Now it’s time to focus on that wall and other exciting new changes on the horizon.  If you want to watch a 10 minute video...so long.  The password is love, all lower case. 

I’m an emotional eater.  I have said it before.  I don’t even know what I’m emotional about but sometimes I think something sweet or warm will make me feel better.  Truth be told it usually does for the moment, but just the moments I’m enjoying it.  Today I did a few good things, the apple cider vinegar, the salmon and veggies and even an apple for snack.  All good stuff but then I had this emotion come over me.  I’m not sure where it comes from.   Just stuff.  Can’t even pin point it. 

I couldn’t stop thinking of a hot fudge sundae from McDonalds…since yesterday actually.  You see when I was in elementary school there was a McDonalds by the school I went to for 4th and 5th grade.  Sometimes Noel’s mom would take us girls through the drive thru for a hot fudge sundae.  Maybe the other girl liked the caramel or strawberry but I would always say hot fudge sundae no nuts.  It was a real big treat and it felt special on the days we got to get a sundae.  In the back of my mind I have that memory.  Soooooo today on my way home from work I went through the drive thru and ordered just one hot fudge sundae, extra fudge.  It was less than two dollars and I just happened to have two one dollar bills so I didn’t even have to use my atm card.  When I got to the pickup window one gal handed me the sundae while another girl said to me “I made this one with extra love”  OH MY WORD.  I could have hugged her.  That one sentence made my day.  Just exactly what I needed today, a hot fudge sundae made with extra fudge and EXTRA LOVE! It was really good too.  I could tell it was made with love I really could. 

I also wanted to remind myself that God is a good focus when I’m out of focus.  I had not read my devotion in a while and decided today would be a good day to see what message it had for me.  It was perfect too.  Psalm 63:6-7 “Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings, I cling to you; your right hand upholds me”  You have no idea how much I needed to hear that.  I don’t have to do this alone, He upholds me when I feel like I can’t even stand. 

quick thoughts before I pick up my littlest and only girl, soon to be one year older tomorrow...maybe that's part of my emotions. 

BLESSINGS IN TIMES OF TROUBLE

Yesterday I shared just a few good things that happened then I asked what good had happened in my friend’s day?  I’m so glad I asked because their good stories added to my good day.  And I think I want to do more of that.  Focus on the good things and listen to other good stories.  

Remember that wall that came crashing down last week?  Like literally a wall, a block wall.  California really needs rain and it has been coming in buckets and even though it took down our wall I still love the rain.  The very day the wall came down I was baking cookies and filming the pretty rain scenes.  Just maybe 10 minutes before we hear a HUGE CRACKING THUNDER SOUND, I had filmed out the back window into our yard and a little of the once standing fence is in that clip.  I was going to make a sweet little rainy day video.  Then the wall came crashing down and yeah, we were a little in shock to say the least.  Rich looked like he was standing on another planet for a few minutes.  It was like “is this a dream?”  “um, did that just really happen?”  So weird.  He began going into immediate action…moving motorcycles, draining our pool, putting tarps over the sliding mud.  Rich's dad and brother came out to help lift the fallen wood fence.  I called the city and insurance within minutes of it all happening.  We just started doing what had to be done.  At one point I looked at Rich and said “I know there will be good that comes of this, blessings will happen”  He looked at me like I was a little bit crazy, he even questioned me “what good is going to come of this?”  I said “you’ll see”

Turns out insurance doesn’t cover the damages, the cost.  Nothing.  That’s OK though because like I mentioned yesterday in a post, we have endured far greater. 

WE USED TO TAKE PICTURES IN THE MIRROR THAT ONCE HUNG ON THE FENCE THAT ONCE WAS THERE. 

May I share just a few blessings that have already occurred?  Brotherly hugs.  A neighbor stopping by with donuts for Rich and his dad. Lots of offers of physical help more than I ever could have imagined.  Yesterday when I got home Papa had transplanted Abbie’s tree into a bucket.  It was hanging on the edge with its roots exposed.  I don’t think it would have made it too much longer in that condition.  We are hoping it makes the transplant. That gesture alone had me filled with such gratitude. 

But the thing that got me the most yesterday was the neighbor who lives about 7 houses down who knocked on our door.  You see this man almost lost his life recently.  He was hospitalized for a very long time and everything that could have gone wrong went wrong.  I don’t know all the details but I know he was very close to not making it.  He has two very young daughters and a wife and they had not been in their house for very long before this happened.  New neighbors. He is still in major rehabilitation and he walks every morning and every night.  He even has been working on speaking again.  He lost a lot.  He stopped by to let us know he would help us with the fence.  He is fighting his very own battles each and every day and he knocked on our door to offer help.  These are the blessings I’m talking about.  Yes my dear friends and family have also said they will help but when a stranger knocks on your door, that’s impactful beyond words.  These are the blessings.

Today when I got home from work, guess who was shoveling dirt behind our house?  Papa and Vincent our neighbor 7 doors down.  All I could think to do was pour two tall glasses of really cold water and tell them my heart was full.  These are the blessings.  In lots of ways it feels very hard to accept.  We want to just conquer this on our own.  "we got this"  "thank you but no thank you"  I keep reminding myself things like, "you know how good it feels to help others....let them help you" "accept help, say yes"  It's a little bit easier for me, much harder for Rich. But if we don't open our hearts and accept help we will be missing out on the blessings.  

We all have battles.  Some are much more difficult than others.  We are not supposed to compare our battles and think maybe mine is less, yes, it might be less but as a wise friend once told me….it’s all relative.  I’m finding that if we focus on the good in our tough times that it makes it much more bearable to endure.  When we do for others in the midst of our own struggles it makes our heart glad. When we accept the help of others it goes beyond glad...it becomes a big blessing so big it's hard to explain and it may even bring tears of joy. 

I did it!! 30 days of no soda!!

January is nearly over can you believe that?  I had a few goals in January.  One of them was to stop drinking soda for 30 days.  I did it! Tomorrow is day 30 and I completed my goal.  I can say this because I know I will not blow it tomorrow.  I kind of don’t even miss it.  I wrote down this goal and also wrote down a reward for accomplishing this goal.  You know that record player I have talked about getting for years?  And yes my dear kind friend Lisa gifted me the most beautiful old, old record player but I can’t play Simon and Garfunkel on the Victor.  I received payment for an article I wrote and some of that money will go towards the new record player…which will be delivered to my work tomorrow if it’s on schedule.  That’s called having faith in myself. 

I was more mindful of being mindful.  I ate breakfast every morning and I fit in some intentional walks this month. These are just some of my January goals.  Abbie and I took our mother daughter photo in January. I finished a couple books.  One of them called “29 Gifts”  in which I began practicing 7 days ago.  

Now for February.  I’m not a planner.  I’m late for birthday’s and I forget things kind of often and I dig in my feet when it comes to making schedules.  However, that being said, how about turning over a new leaf.  Or at least giving it a really good try.  I sat this weekend and looked ahead for February, so much so I thought I was already in February.  There was a satisfying feeling about it.  I know a few friends with birthday’s this month…They may just get their cards on time this year.  I even know when the next full moon is. 

I have some February goals too.  I decided to practice just two yoga poses I’m hoping daily but I won’t beat myself up over that either, if I do it just three times a week it will be more than what I was doing.  The two poses I will practice will be downward facing dog and cobra.  I can’t at this time do downward facing dog flat footed.  I’m so excited to see if by practicing more often this month if I will improve on my flexibility and my feet will be able to go flat.

Tomorrow I’m staring a study on the Song of Songs.  Just two weeks of daily reading on this romantic book.  Then a few days before Lent begins I will be reading along in a Lent study with “She Reads Truth”  This will last until Easter.  I have not decided what to give up for Lent. 

I also met a new friend who was kind enough and brave enough to send me a message when she read my blog recently.  She has invited me into her book club. It’s my style too because it’s a nice simple book that my kids actually read in elementary school called “Tuck Everlasting”  We will read a chapter a night, the chapters are like 2 and half pages.  So DOABLE.  I love DOBALE.  And it’s not crazy fancy over my head kind of reading.  I wonder if she knows I collect children’s books?  

I will continue my crane folding obsession because it calms me down.  I love finding things that calm my spirit down.  I have really also wanted to try cross stitch.  Maybe in March.  It also seems to be a calming practice. 

If you have any goals for February tell me about it.  I would love to hear from you.

2017 new project and fresh start

This is my daughter.  We don't have the same color hair, we don't have the same color eyes.  We like different music and we basically couldn't be more different but somehow we make the perfect match.  When she was born my mother-n-law said, look at her eyes, she has a piece of you in her eyes!" Look close and you will see that little spot of me in her eyes.  It's true.  She has that piece of me in her eyes but mostly she looks so much like her daddy which is a very good thing;)

January is nearly over but this is our first mom and me post for 2017.  It kind of came full circle in a sense.  Last year this time we decided to do a mom and daughter photo project.  We also picked our word for the year and I wrote down a few personal goals.  One of those goals last year was to submit an article to my favorite publication Bella Grace.  

I did submit and they accepted my story on “the ordinary” which was also a project I was working on in 2016.  I was thrilled that my dream came true and my article would make the spring publication.  It came out just before Abbie and I went on her 8th grade trip to Washington DC where we both saw NY for the very first time together.  

If you have been following our story at all you will know that we were far too ambitious with our goal of one mom and daughter image a week.  It was way too demanding and we kind of failed.  We almost made it halfway through the year but we became very burnt out on ideas and time.  It seemed a little too much to even find a little bit of time to get a picture in.  Part of it has to do with “looking just right”  heck half the time I would shoot after a day of work and half my make up warn off but for a teenaged girl that’s not going to fly.  However our attempts caught the attention of the editor and she asked if we would submit for the winter publication on our project and before that she asked if I would submit on a blog post I had shared on Bella Grace Notes.  

My dream more than came true when somehow I was published in 3 of the 4 quarterly magazines and I’m beyond honored and my dream has been more than fulfilled.  And I thought what better way to begin our 2017 than by shooting our first image behind the image that made winters magazine.  This will be a cherished gift to give to my daughter for years to come.  

I’m excited at the possibilities we have in 2017.  We have new words to hold close and practice and we also have another year of our project.  This time making our goal much more attainable by being less ambitious. We will share a photo once a month instead of once a week.  Seriously I’m 46 years old and still learning.  Still growing.  Life really is a journey. I’m learning how to slow down more and take things more moment to moment rather than looking far into the future.   

My legacy to my only daughter will be that we can do hard things, we can fulfill the dreams we write down but we have to try in order to make them come true.  That may mean several failures but the lesson here is to never give up.