Promise me.....YOU will NEVER GIVE UP

On the days you keep looking for the answers but the answers don't seem to come and on the days you feel like completely throwing your hands up and giving up I beg you to keep going.  Just keep going. Never, ever give up.  You will fail so many times and I mean countless times, like years of failure but if you give up then you will never reach success.  You just have to keep pushing through.  No matter what keep pushing.  Today, I’m still pushing, I’m still learning and I can’t give up ever because in the years I have been persistent this is what I have learned so far: 

I learned that God never once gave up on me

I learned to finally stand up for myself

I learned that addiction can come in many forms

I learned that perfection does not exist in any human

I learned that change is really, really hard

I learned that loving yourself is as important as loving others

I learned that by not giving up I finally discovered what it's like to be set free

I learned that some days would be harder than others but all days would hold a blessing

I learned who my real friends were 

I learned that when people believe in you that's awesome

BUT

Really big wonderful things can happen when you believe in yourself 

I learned that God does come first but this doesn't mean He wants us to neglect self-care. I have also realized that we are given trials to sharpen and strengthen who we are.  We wouldn’t be able to empathize or help others had we not experienced sadness, depression, anxiety, loneliness, loss and things along those lines. It’s all part of what builds us.  A necessary part of this life. Don’t give up.  Promise me.

Day 2 Sparkly Lights

“We shall find peace, we shall hear the angels, we shall see the sky sparkling like diamonds. ”

— Anton Chekhov

Abbie's Sparkly Lights Image Day 2

Today our prompt was to take a picture of sparkling lights.  Abbie found our tiny tree and took a sweet image and if you look hard you can see her in one of the silver bulbs. 

I know white lights are so classy and clean but there is a part of me who LOVES color so I will usually hang colored lights around the two front windows on the inside so we can enjoy a little bit of color too.  

My sparkly lights image Day 2

I’m not sure if Christina found her sparkling lights because as of last night they had not yet put up a Christmas tree.  However there will be days we may miss from time to time and I’m not posting on the weekends so there is that.  

Hope you have a really wonderful relaxing weekend, catch you on Monday. 

December 1st!!

I’m very excited to begin this month with a new fun project.  I was invited by my good friend Christina  otherwise known as 22 limes to participate in a photo a day for December with daily prompts. I just need to add that Christina is so very good at helping to keep my creative fires burning because she has wonderful ideas and very often invites me to join her. This first day of December is focusing on GRATITUDE.  While I spent all of November writing down each day my gratitude I’m so happy to begin the first day of December like I ended the very last day of November…with great THANKS.  I’m hoping my littlest and only girl will also be participating with me in this project, I have invited her and she was very excited but this is outside her comfort.  She is so brave. 

I went to bed last night with whirling and swirling thoughts.  What amazing thing might I share through an image that would explain my gratitude for today’s prompt.  And wouldn’t you know as I sat at our kitchen counter sipping my hot coffee that motorcycle man faithfully brews for us each morning, I already felt blessed so very blessed to begin my day.  I was alive!  I was breathing!  I was drinking the best coffee possible, the kind made with LOVE.  I sat and filled in my December calendar with all this month’s photo prompts and I also paid our water bill.  I’m happy we have the money to pay our water bill which was very reasonable and our usage was down from last month which is always nice to see.  And as I sat at the kitchen counter in my most favorite chenille moon robe that I have had since we first married in 1993 I looked across the dining table and the morning light was so beautiful so I took a picture of it.  This is my moment! Nothing spectacular really but as the saying goes, “if you are happy with what you already have, there is no want for more.” (Or something very like that)  I’m happy that we have these creative orange walls around us, the chips of paint on the corners show life is lived here, kind of hard sometimes.  The plant in the center of the table was Jerry’s plant at the office, when he passed on it almost passed on so I took it home and wanted to give it back its life, now I can’t part with it, it’s a piece of Jerry at the heart of our dining table.  I love the runner that I got from cost plus, Austin noticed last night as we face timed him (another blessing) he says “I like your runner mom”  I mean, gosh, that’s enough to make a mom proud, he even knows it’s called a runner not to mention he noticed something new in our familiar home!  I love the pictures we have hung on the wall, they all hold a meaning, either art from others or family images.  It’s all such good stuff….none of which matches but I’m so OK with that too.

Today Abbie texted me this "I'm grateful for my friends"  She just happened to be dressed alike with one of them today and she sent me that picture. 

beneath the leaf it reads 

stop. 

smile. 

breathe. 

life is beautiful. 

This dish was a gift from a new friend I collaborated with for 365 days.  We decided together in the middle of last year to begin a 365 photo project with each other.  Both of us had tried and failed, tried and failed and decided to try again together.  This time we had success we took a picture every single day for a whole year.  We encouraged each other each step of the way. 

neither of us quit on each other. 

we wanted to at times 

but we did not. 

We each live in the same state but she is up north and I’m down south.  

Her images were often filled with such gorgeous golden light that I started calling her pony boy and at the end of our journey that was one of her gifts, a hand written card stock with the words“stay gold pony boy stay gold”

The leaf in the dish is a gift from my father-n-law.  He picked it up at Uncle Steve and Aunt Mel’s house.  A yellow heart leaf all the way from Weaverville.  I have to admit, these are the kinds of gifts that touch my heart.  The kind that cost zero cents and come with meaning.  I love gifts with thought and this dish had thought too.  My new friend thought it looked like something I would love, she knew I would appreciate the words.  She was right.  

I want to encourage others to work with others if you can.  There are times to work alone and there are times to work with others.  I have found that when I work with others I learn more.  I believe we should never stop learning, if I were to exclusively work alone or be alone I’m not sure I could be complete.  I’m an introvert all the way around but that being said.  I do need people.  People are very important to me.  It’s a balance for me, spending time with others and time alone.  I have been ashamed at times that I will deliberately not be around people because I just don’t have it in me, I will say no and maybe even miss out on an incredible adventure but since I do know myself well, I know I can’t just do it to do it.  My heart has to be ready.  People who know me really well understand and are gracious.  These are the kinds of people I choose to keep as part of my life.  The ones who encourage.  The ones who understand.  The ones who don’t judge.  The ones who let me be me.  The best part about this world is, there are far more friends like I describe here than not.

learning from others

Last night I had a few notary jobs.  I’m so grateful for these jobs because it means a little extra money in our account and this month has been a doozy with Rich’s truck being in the shop, dentist bills with no insurance, homecomings, birthdays, unexpected expenses. It couldn’t have come at a better time.  I’m grateful so grateful for the opportunity to make a little extra money.  I’m thankful I have a friend who thinks of me and arranges these opportunities. 

More exciting than the money is the conversations I get to have with the folks I notarize for. People and their stories are so interesting and I feel like I grow each time I meet someone new and hear a little bit of their story.

Please remember that I’m in every single way an introvert that I’m not a huge conversationalist and I’m a shy person.   This just means every single time I have a notary a job with a stranger that no matter how many times I’ve done this, I get so nervous, butterflies and I literally have to take a few deep breathes before I even get out of my car and I often, very often say a prayer.  I know seriously get ahold of yourself.  It’s just verifying someone’s identity.  

Anyways, last night the second client walked in.  A tall 72 year old veteran with tanned skin, bald head and blue eyes.  I knew the moment he walked in he had a military background.  Turns out his name was misspelled on all the documents so I had the privilege to hear some stories for about an hour while the documents were being reprinted.  This man was pretty incredible.  He didn’t talk about his military career he mostly talked about what he has learned in his life so far.  He has worked hard all his life.  He was ready to enjoy the fruits of his labor.  He just bought a truck and trailer and had them painted to match and he is ready to travel the United States, see what he has yet to see.  Enjoy his days.  He was telling me he used to teach at UCLA for 4 years and had his doctorate.  Yes, the highest degree of education.  A Doctor!  He wasn’t sharing this to brag about his success rather he told me the story about how when he was 55 years old and the sole provider for his only son who was 5 at the time, he had a medical emergency and nearly lost his life. He thought to himself he surely couldn’t leave his only son whose mother had already abandoned him, he had to live.  And lived he did.  That brush with death changed his entire outlook.  He got back to his office and every single thing that had the title Doctor on it, he took down.  He used to find great pleasure in introducing himself as Dr. upon meeting new people.  Not anymore. He was more than a title.   He was a person.  He found more pleasure in being a person who lived the life he intended rather than be that doctor he worked so hard to become.  I loved to hear that story.  I just loved it.  I learned from it.  He told me how he teaches yoga and meditation at the Veterans center twice a week, he told me how he believes living more simply is much better than having so many things that we want and don’t need.  He was a ray of light in this what seems to be such a trying time.  I believe if we sat with more people we would realize the world isn’t as terrible as people try and have you believe.  I believe it’s our job to carry on the goodness, pay it forward and if more people spent time doing things like this rather than spending time hating those that don’t believe like they believe then the world would be so much better for it. 

I’m grateful I can write out my thoughts in this blog and you can choose to agree with it or not.  The beauty of free speech. Let us keep it free. Have beautiful weekend.

subject LIGHT

This year my friend Christina and I have been making videos.  We think of a theme and go from there.  We decided on the theme light for this video collaboration.  I’m nervous to share this video because I speak in it.  To hear my voice is not something I especially like and I recorded it on my iPhone and this makes it especially non-professional.  I’m not a professional video maker I’m a memory maker so it’s OK.  

I was excited when we picked this theme of light because as a photographer light is my favorite subject.  Shifting light is like a meditation and I’m grateful for light.  I truly can’t imagine this life without it.  Light gives life and I wanted to honor that in my video.  I was happy that when we decided to make this project our son would be in town visiting and he could be a part of the memory.  My most favorite part is the ending of this video, it features all three of our gifts.  They are by the sea and in the light together.  This in itself makes a mom’s heart glad. I can’t wait to see Christina’s video of light because she is always thoughtful, artful and her videos move me.  We normally do not follow many guidelines.  We can use whatever recording device we wish, we edit with different programs and we live in completely different states which is so interesting to me.  I love to see her surroundings.  I have never been to her state.

I hope you will enjoy what we have to share.  It’s an honor to be able to share freely what I believe and what’s important to me with my friends and family.

It’s a video protected by a password.  You probably already know what it is.  Just type in the word love and you can view it.  The song was discovered about 4 years back, it’s called “so long, lonesome” by Explosions in the Sky.

"If the mountain was smooth, you couldn't climb it" - unknown

I’m not even sure where I saw this quote but I wrote it on a sticky note and stuck it to my computer monitor at work and it reads “If the mountain was smooth, you couldn’t climb it”  I have been looking at that little quote every day for months.  I nod my head each time I really look at it. 

I have a real easy time pushing myself down and especially the moment I may even start to feel stronger.  I’m very mean to myself.  I have shared this before.  Harder on myself than I would ever imagine being on ANYONE ELSE.

Recently I was having a conversation with my mom.   Telling her that I’m my own worst enemy.  You see we had gone to a ladies night out together where we heard a dynamic speaker.  My mom had asked what spoke to me most.  I immediately said that I really loved that part about Psalm 18:29 “For by You I can run against a troop, by my God I can leap over a wall.”  That really spoke to me.  The image of me looking up, way up high to this wall that was so gigantic I could barely consider getting over to the other side, yet this scripture made it perfectly clear that I can.  I can with Him.  He can get me over that wall.  It was a powerful feeling to know that if I trust in Him, he can lift me up over the tallest walls. 

My mom is such a good mama.  She is so wise and she listens to our every word.  Mostly when I talk to her each day I’m very grateful that she listens to my ranting,  my crazy ideas, my stories.  She has always been such a great listener and encourager.  She was very quick to remind me of some really big break throughs that have happened this year.  She reminded me of things that have changed for the better, times I have stepped up and been brave, some healing has even happened.  She brought to light the things I had so quickly taken for granted and tossed back to the darkness.  I’m thankful for this special relationship we share. I was also recently reminded sadly that we are not guaranteed tomorrow, and as my mom says, “Not even the next minute”

Knowing this I really do want to try much harder to focus on what’s important.  Stop my complaining.  I have nothing to complain about. Did you know recently I complained about the sun in my face as I drove our girl to school.  Yes, I was complaining about that bright light shining down on the palm trees with the blue sky as its backdrop.  I thankfully caught myself and said “can you imagine someone else maybe who had moved here from a very cold and dreary climate who would be so excited to see the sun each morning shining in their eyes like this?”  Constantly pulling myself back into gratitude.  It takes such practice, it’s truly not a natural way of being.  It takes such mindfulness to be present in your moments and be thankful for all that we are given. Just reminding myself about this today because I seem to need an awful lot of reminders. Just keep trying, never give up.  Things are happening even when we don’t realize they are happening.

Take a moment if you will and think about what has happened in this one year.  Because lots of things can happen in just one year.   It could be that not so smooth mountain you are climbing, it could be tragic and sudden loss, it could be new life, it could be healing, it could be endurance, and it could be gaining or losing. It can be so many things.  Just think about what has happened in this past year.  When you think of the things that have happened remember how you have endured, how you have grown, how you have learned and what blessings have happened amongst the unpredictable. It’s truly amazing this life.  It’s something to be grateful for that’s for sure.  As I woke this morning, I was thankful to open the shutters to let that bright light in.  Light, can you imagine life without it?

1991 Pen Pal - We Will Rock YOU

When I was a young adult I had a pen pal.  I have always loved to write and it was so exciting to sit down and write actual hand written letters and then mail them off far far away.  She lived in Austria, first in the town of Haid and then later in the town of Pucking. 

If I remember correctly I was shopping for greeting cards in our local Hallmark and they had a pen pal program.  I signed up and Hallmark matched me up with Sabine Baum from Austria.  It was mysterious to have a person to write letters to that lived in a different country.  Spoke a different language and lived in a different land.  

She was an artist this girl I had found.  She would send me pictures of her artwork.  She would send me pictures of her family.  She had one brother and a mom and dad.  It was so crazy too because we both worked for our parents and our parents owned construction companies.  It was like a parallel me. We even drove the same color and make of cars. It was the craziest coolest thing. 

She loved music. I loved music too.  She loved to write.  I loved to write too.  She loved to draw.  I loved to draw too. We were both dreamers and we both seemed to really get along, at least in our written letters.  In the time we wrote to each other she sent me 4 mixed tapes. We began writing when I was 21 years old and she was a few years older than me. It seemed we only wrote to each other for 3 years.  The last letter I found was in 1993, I had already gotten married and she had my first married address.  I suppose maybe I got busy once I got married and got pregnant fairly quick with our first child.  I’m guessing I lost contact because of a busy life.  Which really bums me out. 

Sabine called herself Sunny.  She loved Guns and Roses, Queen and tons more her music range was wide and I loved that.   She was really distraught when Freddy Mercury passed on, she wrote a tribute for him and reminisced with me how in school she was part of the Queen club, Vice President actually.  She also liked BB King, Ella Fitzgerald and Nina Simone. Not too long ago Starshine played Nina Simone on her radio program at KUSF and I “thought” it was new but turns out Sabine introduced me to her decades ago.  I had just forgotten.  

I think I will spend some time reminiscing these old letters. I have a small pile of them.  I found Abbie’s pink Barbie tape player and I dug it out of the donation pile, once I get new C batteries I will listen to some of these mix tapes Sunny made for me.  I tend to hold on to things and I think that’s OK.  

I’m just sharing about this pen pal I had so that maybe I might find her again.  One never knows?  I know some gals who live in Germany, and while I know that’s not Austria….it’s kind of close…sort of.  You know 6 degrees of separation?  Perhaps someone I know knows her somehow.  Her name back then was Sabine “Sunny” Baum.  I remember her brother was almost exactly my age within a few days and his name was Tom.  I wonder if she is out there someplace?  

No joke, as I finished posting this on my blog Queen came on the radio "we will rock you"  I love how details are so important and how things align. 

love deeds

Sometimes when bad things happen it’s hard to understand. So many questions go barreling though ones mind.  I’m a feather finder and heart seeking girl.  It was a learned behavior.  Taught by other feather finders and heart seekers.  Once they opened my eyes to it, it’s all I could see. 

Recently I have been able to witness a really powerful group of LOVE.  Big, beautiful giving, caring hearts.  I couldn’t think of anything other than a hand stitched imperfect heart to contribute. I’m not a wizard with a needle, I can barely sew on a button but a heart is all I could imagine as my love deed.  No time to waste, the very day I found out I paid a visit to the fabric store after I got off work.  I picked out a simple piece of fabric and red thread.  I got home and tried to stitch that heart.  I unstitched it too because it just wasn’t exactly perfect.  I ended with an imperfect heart anyways.  Even with trying to make it perfect, it turned out wonky.  It reminded me of life and of people so I left it.  Then I looked down and the red thread was a heart too, it made me smile.  

I keep checking the page to see how much money has been raised, how many pieces of mail have arrived.  It’s beautiful.  It’s a really good thing. 

This morning even I looked down and there was a heart in my coffee.  You know that little weird film that can float on top.  It was a heart. 

It seems since I stitched the heart my eyes have been opened again to those little hearts that leave themselves in my path.  Even in the mall last night, motorcycle man spotted a tiny gold heart sticker stuck to the malls floor. I was happy that my motorcycle man is a heart seeker too. 

rescued

Today I want to tell you about a good thing. The table that was sitting curbside for over a week on my block.  I drove by it each day on my way to work and admired it from my car window.  A nice simple table that looked like real wood and I kept wondering why it didn’t have any takers?   I talked my mother-n-law into walking down the street so I could have a closer look.  I think it was just waiting for me.  Nobody had taken it and it was a perfectly lovely sweet simple table.  Motorcycle man and Papa Bear took the truck down and loaded it up for me.  I’m thankful for that too!

I cleaned up it’s table top and gave it some tender love and oil and it shined up very nice.  I posted her on social media because I was so proud of our rescue.  Then to have a nice friend of mine offer up some petite chairs she had stored in her garage for some time.  They were chairs that she saved from the demise ofinfinite landfill and wanted to do something special with them but never did.  So when she saw my post she offered them up to me.  She didn’t want any money for them because she had not paid for them herself.  I figured some beautiful stickers and a coffee gift card would be a nice exchange.  Now I have two sweet chairs to go with the sweet table.  I can’t wait to recover the seats and maybe spruce up the wood finish. 

I have such plans for this table.  I can image this.

tea parties in the forest, which really will be our back yard.  

breakfast on the veranda….which actually will be ourback yard patio.

perhaps a nice conversation with strong creamy coffee.

a place to write a letter.  

the possibilities are endless.

i’m thinking of a nice fresh flowers in a pretty jar to set in the middle.

maybe even if i get very fancy I can put a vintage table cloth on top.

and for sure a place to celebrate a very merry unbirthday.

And although my scavenger book didn’t have a spot for a table and chairs, I think i’ll add it because it for sure was a treasure found.  And for now it sits in my "creative space room"

How was your weekend?

life in a northern town

Life in a Northern Town by the Dream Academy, this song was released in 1985.  This means I was 15 years old and that’s just one year ahead of little Miss Abbie.  I LOVED this song.  I absolutely loved this song at age 15.  I would sit still and listen to it when it came on the radio.  I may have even sang with it a little bit.  Known fact.  I don’t really sing.  I listen.  Real big listener.  Mover.  I’m a mover.  I love to move and listen.  Not a big singer.  I just wanted to talk about this song today because it came on the radio and here it is 31 years later and it comes on the radio.  I smile, listen like crazy and sing just a little.  I still LOVE IT.  I will never turn the station when this song comes on, which isn’t very often.  I love songs that tell stories, I loved them as a young teen girl and I still love them now.  I love song stories, book stories and life stories.  Stories are just good. I could sit around all day long and just listen to stories.  

What songs do you love that you will never turn the station to?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAN CUB!! 18 THINGS FOR 18 YEARS

The beginning of man cub’s 18th year starts TODAY!  It’s really hard to comprehend the second born has entered his 18th year. He has reached the first year of his adulthood! I think most us mom’s can agree that these 18years go by far quicker than we ever could have imagined.  In honor of his birthday today, September 6th, I have decided to of course carry on tradition and list 18 things I love about man cub.  

I LOVE WHEN HE IS UP FOR A PICTURE WITH MOM

His big green eyes have a way of speaking without words. 

He gives big, tight meaningful hugs.

He has amazing crazy self discipline.

He takes special care of himself and his things.

He is not frivolous with his money, he is wise and he is a saver.

He takes in all the little things around him, very observant young man.

He is a treasure finder since he was small, he will bring home things he finds like a proud cat brings in a bird.

He is a man of few words and it’s true what they say about “still waters running deep”

He’s a rascal and will do and say things to get your goat.

He is naturally athletic.

I LOVE WHEN HE SENDS ME HIS BITMO TEXTS

He is strong, body, mind and soul. 

He plays his guitar by ear and I will never tire from hearing him play. 

He stands up for the under dog, he will always have your back. 

He is a little bit of a rebel.  He broke into the all girl moon gang club and named himself moon rebel.  Our honorary moon boy. 

He has perseverance and finishes what he begins. 

He has a scar on his foot that has a funny story. 

He is hilarious, he is a quiet guy but he has the funniest sense of humor. 

No way!  18 came too fast, just like in years this list has reached number 18 with a blink of an eye.  I have so much more to say about this guy, Dylan our second born can make you feel good on your lowest day with his beautiful smile and reassuring hug, just to let you know everything will be OK. 

I love you Dylan, our second born man cub.  Happy Birthday.

potato vine obsession

This is not my first obsession with a potato vine.  It’s fascinating to watch these things grow.  When I was a part of the hours a potato vine made my hour at least once.  I thought it was worthy of an hour that’s for sure. 

It’s so easy and in some ways it’s practically free entertainment.  It just has the initial cost of the potato.  I suppose it sort of depends on the potato too.  Some I have grown have heart shaped leaves, while other are more pointy leaves.  I’m not an expert on potatoes and the shapes of their leaves.   It’s always a surprise as I watch them open.  The one I have here seems to be more pointy.  I need to find the ones that make hearts.  The heart leaves makes me happy, even more happy than these leaves.

I plopped this half potato in water 7 days ago, the first whole entire day I accidentally had it in the water upside down.  Tomorrow these leaves may open.  You can bet I’ll take their picture. In this one afternoon this one plant kept me entertained for so many minutes.  It’s that fun.  I’m just saying.  You should try it.  I think you might have fun too.  It’s a miracle the way it shows you a different picture every single day as it reaches towards the light.

handstand goal

Let me just tell you that handstands in the water are entirely a different thing than handstands on the land or even in the mind.  When last January came around I made my dream board.  I had never actually done this before.  I have dreams.  I even have a dream listthat I have written down but I had never cut out pictures as a visual reminder of what I want to accomplish. It’s helpful to see it each day but seeing it each day is not going to get me into a handstand.  

I started to practice a lot in the swimming pool and I got better and better able to hold it longer and longer.  It feels so liberating, much like floating.  I just love being in the water and I love how I can do things in the water that I don’t normally do on land.  

Knowing Austin was going to fly in this weekend the littlest and only girl had one request.  She wanted to take a trip to the beach and do handstand with her two big brothers.  Last summer she worked really hard and used a wall to get into her handstand and has not stopped but it wasn’t until a few weeks ago she had the courage to do it without the wall.  She has seen her brothers doing handstands for years and she wanted to join them and do it at one of our favorite family places to meet up (Seal Beach) She made her dream come true!  All three of these kids inspire me to my very core.  

In my mind, I wanted to join them,  how hard can it be?  I want to just do this with them, just you know, get up in a handstand on the sand.  I tried a few times and Abbie even said “mom the first step is believing you can”  I believed alright but when my body went forward and down I couldn’t imagine it exactly holding up my entire body and especially when I’m officially the heaviest I have ever been. (brain block!) We did the next best thing.  Austin showed me how to make a triangle with my hands on the ground, place my head in the center of the triangle and the two A’s held me up.  The world upside down and especially the ocean is quite entertaining, I loved how the world looked that way.  

I need a plan.  I have a Pinterest board and I know a few people (my age even) who can do handstands.  I will ask them for advice and work on my core and see what step two may be.  The kids make it look like a piece of cake.  It’s truly inspiring.  Just wanted to share what I have been scheming up lately. 

Last week I was so fired up.  I was walking, I was swimming, I was lifting weights in the pool even.  This week all the hard work I put in last week has perhaps been reversed.  It was a busy week, an out of the ordinary week for us.  We had some company who made our living room their place to lay their heads each night for this past week.  Routines were rocked.  Not just because we had guests but because the week was just full of things to do. 

It began last Friday.  That’s when our company arrived.  It was late at night and we had the mattress aired up and I wanted visit for a while before I headed up to bed.  I received the best biggest most excitable hug upon the little one leaping into my arms and hugging me tight.  That was something I could carry with me all week long.  Felt so good.  Before they arrived I cleaned up a little and had to fit in a picture for my 365 so I meandered the back yard, often it’s my saving grace for an image during my day.  I found this butterfly bush of ours seeding and I found it to be so pretty.  I also discovered a caterpillar munching away but I have too many pictures in my project already of those. The seeding milkweed it is. 

The very next day our sister Sarah came to town, her birthday was just days away so we simi celebrated early with her.  We had a nice visit and lunch together.  It’s always nice to see her, we don’t see her often enough so when we do it’s always a treat.  She shared some really yummy strawberry balsamic vinegar and some homegrown lettuce and a dozen fresh eggs from her working hens.  That night we ran to In-N-Out for dinner.  I’m still staying strong on no soda.  This one belonged to one of the kids and I guess they were saving it for later.  If you can’t tell, I forgot to take a picture for the day and this is what I managed to fit in.

Sunday was my niece’s birthday!  She turned 18 for goodness sake.  How is it these kids just keep getting older while we stay the same (I wish)  We went to to watch her play a game on Sunday while little one chased Japanese beetles and climbed trees.  

Monday we promised my friend Bean that we would come help her paint a bedroom.  After work we headed to her place.  We painted a bedroom and got back just in time to clean up for a school pot luck where I took 3 extra girls who also ended up sleeping over our house that night.  It was for sure a full house, so full I had to ask Dylan if he might find a friends house to sleep so we could make room.  

I could hardly wait for Tuesday.  On Tuesday we got to visit my sister's family and hold our new baby girl.  We just spent hours sitting next to my sister and Juliette, we stayed so long they fed us dinner and it was a really good day.  Plus my niece LeLe was heading out for France the next day so we had to get our good bye hugs in too.  

Wednesday already, mid week!  We have some family visiting from Indiana so I got to start my day with coffee and some Indiana love.  We also got to spend time with our family up north.  Although they have been with us all week, they are busy, busy with games and activities that we rarely got to see them.  Wednesday we made brownies and rice crispy treats for Nan’s birthday, we ordered pizza and played apples to apples for a good long while and ended our night with Big Brother. 

Thursday arrives and I had promised Dylan I would make dinner for a few of his friends.  It was a yummy meatless meal with pasta, bread, salad and roasted veggies.  I so loved that they allowed me to take a picture of us at the table.  It had me thinking about when I used to make a video’s last year, much of the video’s included us around the dinner table. Which lead to, us watching a few, which lead to….us missing our first born son. 

Friday already!  I woke to such beautiful light on an empty laundry baskets.  The light is always a treat and it moves so fast, so fast one can miss it if they are not paying attention but the most rare part of all was the empty laundry baskets.  Our family was packing up by the time I got home from work so I was able to hug them all goodbye until next time. 

dream boards and Pinterest

I'm slightly addicted to Pinterest.  I compare it to a dream board.  I pin all sorts of dreams on Pinterest.  It's so much fun. 

In January of this year I sat down with a stack of magazines and cut out pictures of things that inspired me.  I glued them to a black board and put it next to my bed.  While I have still so much to tackle on that board, I don't want to beat myself up for not doing everything I glued to the board.  The fact of the matter is, I have accomplished a lot of the dreams on that board this year.  I mean I can't control the rainfall we get here in California but I'm still hoping for the drought to pass soon.  Maybe this winter we will have lots and lots of rain.  The year is not over yet.

update

Here is the real story.  I have not weighed myself exactly since that last freak out attack.  I did but it was the next morning because my very wise daughter says “mom you know you weigh more later in the day, you really should revisit and weigh in when you wake up tomorrow”  Seriously what on earth would I do without my kids?  They all seem to have this tremendous common sense that I lack.  Let us thank motorcycle man for the common sense gene.  He is really great at common sense, which a good friend of mine likes to refer to as “practical sense”  I have very little of it.  Ask anyone who knows me.  Don’t take your practical sense for granted, it’s a gift, trust me. 

Anyways, I was 5 pounds less than my big freak out attack two weeks ago.  In fact I want to say thank you to a good handful of people who reached out to me in my melt down.  Who encouraged me and lifted me up, who also shared similar stories and feelings on their current health status.  I’m grateful I can share myself on this platform for whomever will read my lengthy words.  

A few people told me not to measure my success by the number on the scale and as this might work for some, I just find I need some sort of gage and reality check.  The scale for me works.  It doesn’t for everyone. 

Things have been good.  I have not weighed myself as mentioned above but I have noticed and maybe it’s in my head but I feel like I have noticed my waist shrinking just a little, making my hourglass figure come a little more into recognition.  I have gone on nice long walks, I have swam and done exercises in the pool, I’m still strong on my water intake and I have eaten still what I love but trying to cut back on my portions or only eating half my meal when we eat out at restaurants.  Don’t worry, I’m not wasting food, I eat the other half for breakfast or lunch the next day.  This technique worked for me many moons ago.  It’s a slow process but it’s a process in which I don’t feel deprived. 

I posted a picture on social media this week of me in a super duper rad tank top.  I proclaimed to the world that I do NOT wear tank tops but it was very, very hot and I was going to go on a walk and so, I figured what the heck.  Plus the friend I walk with wouldn’t mind, she wouldn’t mind at all.  A few beautiful souls told me my arms were nice, that they were strong in fact.  UHHH What?  I don’t wear tanks tops because my arms are not exactly my best asset.  That being said, it totally encouraged me.  Like encouraged me so much I’m determined to actually keep lifting the weights we incorporate in our water routine. THANK YOU those who told me my arms were nice and strong.  I’m one of those who works way better with nice words rather than mean ones.  I’m an encourager and I work best being encouraged. 

Lastly, do any of you know all about the LuLaRoe clothes?  I had heard about the soft as butter leggings and the easy fashionable dresses.  My friend Sara, invited me to an on-line party.  I finally caved and bought some of those leggings and the MOST FUN dress.  The leggings are everything I heard they would be.  I’m not sure I want to take these off.  I need more.  well…I want more, let’s put it that way.  And the medium dress I ordered for sizes 10/12 is a little bit snug.  The arms feel super duper tight and the rib cage section and most especially boob section feel like a second skin.  However I’m not returning it.  Because I have decided it’s my first reward dress.  I’m going to get into this thing so I can breath in it.  I will wear the most fun tights with it and maybe even some funky boots because the cassette tape design is way too cool to return.  I guess the thing about LuLaRoe is all the sellers have different stock, so I can visit other LuLaRoe friends to see what they have and I suppose that’s the beauty of being a consultant with the variety of inventory everyone gets.  

That’s all.  How are you and your health journey, any good stories to share?

It was not perfect however we did take some strides in the right direction.  Monday we got a new baby human in the family, her name is Juliette Rose and she is so precious.  She is a week old today!  Last Monday feels so far away, we spent the day at the hospital since the weeee hours.  We made good choices though, splitting meal with my mom and taking steps whenever possible. 

Abbie and I went on a few good walks, some really great swims and all in all it was a good week.  I ate sweets, plenty of them but I moved and did things I love most especially the swimming part.  When Abbie and I went on our walks she wanted to shave off time and we did.  I don’t really like the power walks very much, I get all sweaty and red but I do love the reward of swimming when we finish up.  Motorcycle man was gracious enough to shoot a few pictures of me and Abbie in the pool yesterday.  I think I could live in the water like a mermaid.  I’m at such peace there.

Pippi Power

 A long while ago I commissioned a beautiful soul to hand make me my favorite tiny super hero.  When Pippi arrived a few years back I would carry her with me where ever I went.  I loved to take her portrait on adventures we took together.  I know it seems so strange for a mid forty year old woman to be hanging out with a doll.  But ya know.  It's me.  I have given my kids some advice and this is one of my favorites "NEVER EVER LOSE YOUR CHILDLIKE SPIRIT"  It's so important.  It keeps me young, it keeps my giggling.  It adds years to my life.  

Recently I read Pippi Longstocking.  I had never read Pippi Longstocking, I just watched her films dubbed over when I was a kid on VHS. I underlined some fabulous Pippi quotes as I mostly enjoyed reading this book while I floated in the pool.  Here are some of my favorite lines:

Mother was now up in Heaven, watching her little girl through a peephole in the sky, and Pippi often waved at her and called, "Don't you worry about me.  I'll always come out on top."

"tiddelipon and piddeliday"

"yes indeed, she certainly seems to be cut from the same piece of cloth!"

"waste not, want not"

"I always like to tidy up a little as soon as I have eaten"

"But nightshirts aren't dangerous, they don't bite anybody except in self-defense"

"I'm going to be a pirate when I grow up - are you?"

"I certainly should have been a skating princess, grace and charm I have at least"

"my name is Pippilotta Delicastessa Windlowshade Mackrelmint Efraim's Daughter Longstocking"

She even inspired me recently to paint her portrait. 

finding inspiration while I walk my heart to better health

Last week I took another stand.  Just sort of fed up with how I have been feeling, how my clothes are not fitting and stuff so many of us experience.  I decided to start moving again.  I have been taking small walks.  Just to get out and get some fresh air and vitamin D.  The first day I walked with littlest and only girl. As we were walking with great intent I spotted a feather.  I said "oh I want to pick up that feather so bad"  And her response was this "why don't you?" "Well I have a mission, my mission is not to be distracted but to just briskly walk"  I love the minds of youth because then she says this "but you love to pick up feathers, so why not pick it up?"  And that's when the light-bulb went on.  She is so right.  I love to find feathers, hearts and watch shadows and smile at birds.  I'm out walking and that's the most important part.  I can walk and still do the things I love because if I stop doing the things I love that's when I stop liking my walk.  So this week I collected all the things above in this picture.  Look I even found a broken heart. I saw a monarch butterfly, a flying grasshopper, a dragonfly and lot of sparrows.  I know my path can be boring, I walk the same loop over and over and it also has trash and dead grass and dirty sidewalks with dog poo but I still find some really cool little treasures right?  So believe me I KNOW how hard it can be to just walk out the door and move a little.  I'm taking it so slow.  Normally I would beat myself up over that too, like it's just not good enough, I should be doing more but I'm doing far more than I was sitting in front of my computer screen, of having my feet kicked up with a glass of wine while I mindlessly watch reality t.v.   as HOME DEPOT SAYS....LET'S DO THIS!