I am ready

My dermatologist says “information is knowledge”  I have heard this many times in my 45 years.  I know there is truth in this phrase.  Currently I’m working through some skin issues which really are not at face value.  I have also been told more than once that I have issues with anxiety and OCD.  This is not easy to hear.  So mostly I have ignored it.  I have not wanted to admit to it.  It sounds so weak.  I am not weak, I am STRONG. 

But not so much really. 

If I were strong maybe I wouldn’t be afraid to admit to such things.  My skin condition can be fixed.  It can be fixed by me.  If I stop scratching and picking at myself then it will go away.  Sigh.  This sounds hard.  But guess what nobody ever said success would be easy.  It will be hard.  But I also know I can do hard things.  I have an army of support and a leader who created this earth.  How can I fail? 

Today I begin by actually admitting I have a weakness and that’s okay.

Let the healing begin, this also starts by focusing on what is good and distancing myself from what is negative and destructive.  I’m ready.   

ordinary week

It’s time to share another week of ordinary:)  While the last few weeks have been what I consider un-ordinary.  I still made sure to take time and take one picture a day of what I consider to be an ordinary moment in our home.   

the cigar box that holds my postage stamps. 

The morning glory that grows like a wild animal.

The basket of inspirational messages, leaves and feathers. 

My little sister and my mom who consistently make me laugh, laugh so hard my belly hurts. 

Sunsets

Afternoon coffee

Vintage hand towels made with love. 

week 3 of the ordinary

I didn’t realize that when I decided to do a 365 beginning mid September this year that my theme would be and continue to be the ordinary.  Five years ago I did my very first 365 but I didn’t do it alone.  I had a friend.  We called our daily photograph a moment.  And this time around I decided to go back to my roots in a sense.  The ordinary has always been extraordinary for me.  I don’t get out much.  I work Monday through Friday every day at the same place since I was just 21, we have lived in our same home for 17 years now and it was supposed to be the 5 year plan.  So I suppose what I’m trying to explain is….my photographs are taken of my every day ordinary life.  People who matter, things in my home that I walk past day in and day out but deserve to be noticed.  And so the ordinary 365 began.  My plan although I will not be too hard on myself is to review my ordinary once a week here in this space but I share my ordinary daily via flickr, FB and IG.  Below are days 15-21 of the ordinary.

the cracked toilet seat lid my brother glued back together for us.

the Russian eggs Moon Rebel made in the 2nd grade

Simon and Garfunkel soaking in the morning light. 

first born helping in the kitchen.

the littlest and only girl who dances when it rains.

a new bowl that will hold prayers, feathers and just stuff...

taking stock....September

MADE:  Our down payment for the 8th grade DC trip.  I decided to go.  Trusting it will all just work itself out

COOKED: Mama Bears Southwest Chicken and two big pots of chili for a house full of family

DRANK:  Sun tea and cinnamon coffee

READ:  Chapter 1 of Artist Way, “Keep Going, the Art of Perseverance” by Joseph M. Marshall and “The Untethered Soul” by Michael A. Singer

WANTED: Get fit without any effort (lol)  If I think about it enough will it just happen?  Keep dreaming.

RECEIVED:  Two beautiful mermaid mosaics made by my talented sister-n-law….2 for only the price of 1!

PLAYED:  Spotify whenever I could

DECIDED:  To take a quarter off FB then quickly changed my mind

WISHED:  I was not so Stubborn 

ENJOYED: An art show that our Sister Sarah was featured,  spending a day taking the metro to San Juan Capistrano, A morning coffee visit at my mom’s, breakfast out with our neighbors, getting back to the school routine

WONDERED:  If I could live more simply

WORKED ON: My creative spirit

STARTED: Journaling each day and also a new project called the ordinary 

WATCHED: The blood moon eclipse

HOPED:  My motivation would just click into gear already

NEEDED:  A new bra

SMELLED:  Fresh brewed coffee and rain on the asphalt

WORE:  RED

NOTICED:  Dylan’s guitar playing has gotten even better

KNEW:   Control never equals freedom

THOUGHT: Going to the movies with Abbie and her friends and friends mom’s would be fun…it was

ADMIRED:  Crystal’s courage, and ability to work hard to get the things that are important to her, health and knowledge

SORTED:  My jewelry box

BOUGHT:  A new bra!

FINALLY:  Got the family laundry under control

DISLIKED:  Judgement and Controlling people

FELT:  LOVED

SNACKED:  Walnuts, Apple, Green Juice and always a little chocolate

LISTENED:  Songs I thought may go well with future videos

DISCOVERED:  Letting Go is vital to working towards that goal

SCRIPTURE:  Galatians 6:4   Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else.  (worth repeating)  

One more week of Ordinary

And when I say ordinary I mean it in the best possible way.  I decided that I miss what I used to do on Flickr.  I used to take nearly a photo a day and post it on my stream and mostly it was just every day kind of stuff, the things I find in my home and yard and every so often that would include a person in my home.  I decided to come back to this and now I'm on week two.  My goal is 365 days and 52 weeks of ordinary snap shots.  I have already thought it may be a little bit of a challenge while I'm away 10 days back East on an 8th grade History field trip but I know it's possible and I'm up for finding the ordinary outside of these four walls. 

I could photograph this little nook in my home every single day and never tire of it.  Each morning I'm taken by the way the light shines and casts it's shadows.  I'm also considering painting this room gray and I can't quite picture how the light will play off gray walls.  I guess we will see. 

Remembering waking early to cook up the start of the two big pots of chili we shared last week with family.  Thankful for the time we had to gather as extended family on a weekday night. 

Then waking the next morning to see this web above the dining table, half wondering if it was there all along as we gathered around the table the night before.  I can imagine the little spider spying on us as we laughed and talked around the table. 

Passing by that same dining table on a Saturday morning to notice my headphones just laying there and bringing music to my attention.  Had me thinking about how important music is in our home. 

Everything comes back to that Thursday night family gathering.  As I notice the wilted flowers the littlest and only girl had brought in to spruce up the bathroom for our company.  Wilted but still very charming and thoughtful.

Thinking I had found my ordinary in a photograph of Simon kitty when I sit to upload it and notice the thread I had set aside on my desk.  The reminder that we are all connected in LOVE.  It won over the kitty that day. 

And still bringing me back to Thursday nights meal when sweet Abbie tied back the kitchen curtain with small pieces of yarn and feeling God's love as I snapped a photograph and the light and prisms were perfectly aligned to create a small rainbow over the white cafe curtains that have hung in my kitchen window for maybe 10 years or so by now.  

These are the moments that caught my attention in week two.  Today I begin week three.  I wonder what will catch my attention this week?  Gratitude has become a way of life so much so I can't imagine a day without it, even in the toughest most difficult sad days there is something good to find.   

super excited about the ordinary

Since my last post about the ordinary I have been very consistent with finding an everyday ordinary moment to photograph. I would like to do a 365 out of the ordinary but let's not get to ahead of myself.  I have managed to capture 7 days in a row.  And I know some of this 365 will have to be while I'm away from home chaperoning the 8th grade Washington DC trip with my littlest and only girl. And that will actually be very exciting.  I went 6 years ago with my oldest son and although I had my big camera I choose to photograph the trip with my canon power shot (a small pocket camera)  Not this time.  This time the 70D will be going with me and I'm excited to shoot the ordinary while away for 10 days in March. 

Going back to every day kind of stuff found mostly within my home has been really rewarding these 7 days.  As simple as bringing flowers in that remind me of grandpa from my front garden. 

photographing the plant I'm growing in honor of a co-worker and friend who has passed on.

Or while visiting my family and noticing the girls together but apart as they play with their technology. 

Cleaning out my jewelry box and organizing my rings in the beautiful gifted dish and then taking it's picture and letting whoever reads my words know that I'm nearly the heaviest I have been and wearing jewelry is my thing since clothes don't fit quite right, then getting all this encouragement and unity with the women who understand or can relate.  Very rewarding and feeling beyond blessed with the support and sisterhood out there. 

Always appreciating the morning light and shadows but taking a moment to document it like I used to.  

Even finding beauty in the broken.  The beautiful and simple wedding china that we used not just weekly but nearly daily for 22 years.  It really did serve us well.  So Let's see what I may find in the next 7 and then the next 7 after that and so on.  

And with all of this I'm very proud to report that I actually went on a walk today with my littlest and only girl, three times around the school, found a tiny feather and sweat a little too, it was hot.  Glad I fit that in, must train for the DC trip, lots of walking to be done:) And considering signing up for the color run with my girl.  And what played over and over in my head as I headed out the door for a walk today...just start where you are.  Exactly where you are....just start. 

ordinary.....extraordinary things

My last post was all about comparison.  And I knew it wasn’t exactly right.  But I had to write about what really was happening because it was the truth and sometimes the truth isn’t very attractive.  

I decided that I have not given up the idea that was previously taken because I know I had this in mind long before I saw it visually played out and besides if you ask 10 of us to take a picture of the same flower, chances are you would have 10 different images of the same flower.  We all see things differently, just like we are all made unique from one another.  This had me thinking a little bit deeper though.  Why not look to my own work for inspiration.  See what inspires me?  What in the past has caught my attention?  I visited my old flickr page and since I had not re-newed to “pro” status I didn’t have access to the entire library however I saw enough to remember what speaks to me.  

Ordinary, extraordinary things.  

Things I find in the comfort of my very own home.

every day stuff

A kitchen towel laying by the kitchen sink

a cracked tile floor

a pile of laundry

the kitties

 light 

I began to see that I like to bring in little tiny flowers,  feathers and rocks.  I saw bars of soap, bowls of soup, cups of coffee and books.  I smiled because although these ordinary moments don’t mean much to you, to me the are my every day goodness and blessings.  So many blessings I often feel guilty as I sit and pray for the mom who lost her son in a drowning.  The child who lost their mom to cancer.  The home that burnt to the ground.    

So the clothes that need to be folded, yes, I think they are worthy of celebration through documentation.  The coffee spill on the kitchen counter and sometimes when I’m lucky that coffee spill makes a happy face or even a little tiny coffee heart.  I have pulled myself back.  At least for today because after all I live moment to moment, hour to hour, then day to day and so on. 

creative sparks

I’m finishing up a good book and finishing a good book is always kind of sad.  Yesterday as I read page 213 in “Seeing Beyond Tuesday” by Emily P. Freeman and I quote her here; “ But then the phone rings or we’ll get up for our chair pass a mirror in the hallway and notice the pounds we’ve gained.  We’ll move into the laundry room and see that new shirt that needs to lay flat to dry, the wall we want to re-paint, the memo with the grocery list”  She even talked about missing a wedding due to her lack of organization.  Guess who closely relates to so many of her words and her honesty?  Me.  I do.  While I read this I realize I’m not alone.  I know in my heart I’m never alone yet I just today walked by the big windows at church and took a quick glance and I saw an overweight gal….me.  Just like she said and how much does that really matter in the big vast world when so many other things are far more important?  Lives to be saved, time with family, love.  Yet, still those feelings flooded my mind.  Then I came home and ate some candy, had a few spoon fulls of raw brownie mix.  Im pitiful, really I am.  

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I sat in front of my computer and visited some of my creative venues and I began to itch and pull at my skin because in my mind I will never measure up.  I compare when I know this is exactly what I shouldn’t be doing.  I often feel like walking totally away from this inspiring technology.  I had this idea, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who ever had this one idea but I even verbalized it to my family more than a month ago.  It involved the go-pro, water and a blue dress.  We had trouble with a green and murky pool so I have been waiting patiently as it clears and it has somewhat cleared and before I could execute my “idea” I watched some films from my classmates and someone had the same sequence I had envisioned. The wind flew out of my sails.  I’m still gunna do it because I keep trying to convince myself these things I do are for me but if this person saw it she may automatically think I stole her idea.  So sometimes staying away from this creative world might be a good idea, it may not cloud my ideas or make me feel inadequate. 

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On the flip side I have always worked better in teams and collaborations.  I feed off people even though I’ m a complete introvert.  In another creative group we are slowly, thank goodness SLOWLY going through the artist way.  So in the few weeks I have imperfectly done my morning pages, sometimes completing my three pages, other times barely half a page, and if I’m being totally honest not even in the morning, sometimes it’s in the wee hours, or while I’m waiting to pick up the kids from school.  I’m trying so hard not to beat myself up for not being perfect in this practice.  Pep talking myself constantly that “I’m doing my best”  Just doing these pages daily I have been sparked by a few new creative ideas that I do want to execute.  I started one this week called the table chronicles.  So simple, just pictures of our common dining table and what ends up on it.  Or it could be my bathroom window ledge, what ends up there. The daily somewhat mundane things that have always seemed to captivate me and feel important and worth documenting.  These can be projects and yes they are creative.  

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And right now I still just want to bury myself under my sheets and sleep a good several hours but that’s probably because I ate a bunch of candy and brownie batter.  That’s the honest truth but as the go pro charges I may just execute my one clip for the film I have in mind.  We’ll see. 

the table chronicles

This morning the table chronicles were born.  Rich said out loud "the table has some interesting things going on"  That's all that needed to be said and I had my camera phone out documenting the table.  This is not staged this is real life.  These are the things that end up on the common table.  I knew much of it would be mine.  I tend to leave my "things" around.  I do like order so it does freak me out when it gets this way.  So this is what I did.  I took a picture of half the table and then I cleaned it up.  But guaranteed tomorrow will be a whole different scene of "stuff" on the table.  I have decided that every so often I will chronicle my table and just sort of tell you a little bit about the stuff that ends up there.  

The converse are Abbie's, she set them there before school started and they are the shoes she wore today.  The two pair of scissors.  I'm not sure who put them there and why. A lent roller for obvious reasons, two dogs and two cats.  A book cover, a little stand alone speaker (Dylan's) A little red riding hood antique bowl, the one I have been using for my prayer bowl, my Bible, a Target receipt, philips screw driver, colored pencils and a pencil sharpener.  A really really darling coloring book which has them theme of Paris.  I love all things French since my niece and nephew are half French and and my brother-n-law is French.  Although I have never been there, I dream of it.  A towel. My bag and two books and a pair of socks on the bench.  The Bench that was ruined last year when the boys decided to take it in the back yard and use it as a weight bench and we got a freak summer storm that took off it's finish.  Adds character right?  That's what they tell me anyway.  Oh my goodness the SOCKS!  Tell me I'm not alone in finding random socks here or there and everywhere except where they should be?

This is all I have to say about my table and the stuff it collects.   

....

Sometimes I'm not even sure what I will write about. I will list a few things that come to mind. 

No. 1 It was my second child's birthday this weekend.  He turned 17.  I can barely believe it. 

No. 2 Since he is extremely low key.  He just wanted to stay home and go to dinner at his favorite Chinese restaurant.

No. 3 He also got his birthday breakfast.  His only request was bacon.  He got that and some eggs and toast. 

No. 4 Our first born took the bus to San Francisco this weekend.  

No. 5 I made sure and wrote out my morning pages each day.

No. 6 I cleaned.

No. 7 Three of us took the metro to San Juan Capistrano. 

No 8 I made a quick video of our metro trip.  In the spirit of practice and encouragement of the Artist Way.  

No. 9 I took my sunset picture for my sister. 

No. 10 We went to breakfast with Mimi and Papa.

No. 11 Dylan enjoyed the cards and thoughts that came his way.

No. 12 Our oldest is now home from his long weekend. 

No. 13 I wonder when I will make changes.  Will I ever make the changes I need to make because just talking about it gets nothing done.

No. 14 Max got washed.

No. 15 More School Supplies were bought.

Lastly if you want to see my short video about the metro the secret word is:  love

taking stock august

MADE:  an ever so tiny cactus garden, well planted one anyway

COOKED: barely.  I barely cooked

DRANK:  water and made a vow to not drink soda for one week in August. I shook hands on it.

READ:  Simply Tuesday by Emily Freeman and Keep Going by Joseph M. Marshall III

WANTED: to do so many creative things but sort of didn’t

RECEIVED:  the sweetest family note in the most darling pirate bottle and two for the price of one (mermaids)

PLAYED:   full time working Mom, not complaining, it’s not for the long haul

DECIDED:  to stop and see the Grand Canyon for the first time ever at age 45

WISHED:  for MORE rain, will not stop wishing and praying for rain

ENJOYED: a really fun road trip across parts of CA, AZ, NM, TX, OK and ARK

WONDERED:  about the big wonderful thunder storms we went through in the desert.  How they come and go so quick.

WORKED ON: huge mountains of laundry

STARTED:  a new rule where everyone does their very own laundry and has their own basket 

WATCHED: More Tiny House Nation and my favorite show Little People Big World

HOPED:  I could give up dairy

NEEDED: to still make Abbie’s tiniest room in the house user friendly

SMELLED:  rich earth, highly chlorinated pool and my new essential oil diffuser

WORE:   the most pretty sparkly earrings nearly all month every day

NOTICED:  The summer garden dying off

KNEW:  Working full days would mess with my fun I like to have

THOUGHT: Reading through the entire Bible ever so slowly would be a good plan

ADMIRED:  Motorcycle Man’s hay wire ideas to like sleep on the roof, then do it.

SORTED:  RFI’s, certified payroll, invoices and checks.  Lots of sorting at work.

BOUGHT: a beautiful Indian blanket and moccasins on our road trip and a mermaid mosaic from my sister and friend. 

FINALLY:  bought a daily planner (a must HAVE)  in order to survive

DISLIKED:  that bad things sometimes happen to good people

FELT:  Excited for the new-ness September will bring.  New fresh beginnings.

FOLLOWING: http://www.hellotherefriend.com/

SNACKED:  humus, carrots, fruit and non dairy selections towards the end of August

LISTENED:  Discover Weekly spotify created a playlist for me based on things I like.

DISCOVERED:  I do not like papaya at all and I don’t even want to acquire a taste for it.

SCRIPTURE:   John 13:34-35

34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

things lately

It’s Friday and if you know me you will know each Friday is a big, big deal.  I love Fridays because I love the weekend and I love the break from work and routine.  If you also know me you will hear me so much of the time say how busy I am, how much I have to do, I write lists that I never complete because I’m also very ambitious with what I think I’m capable of doing.  I remember a while back when I was seeing a therapist she told me about how helpful lists can be.  She asked me one day to share the lists I had been making and when I shared my list she immediately said “that’s too much!”  and she explained to me how my lists should be more realistic and doable and this way I could actually complete them.  Sigh…..really?  I don’t think she knows me very well but honestly I have to admit.  She was right.  A good list is necessary for me and I don’t beat myself up when I don’t cross every little thing off, I just move it to the next day however I have to admit sometimes my lists are outrageous even still.  So I’m working on it.  Each day I work towards how to better navigate through my days.  

A couple of weeks ago I was at Target and they had these darling little planners.  I needed one, yes I NEEDED it.  Abbie helped me to pick one out and so far I love it.  I carry it in my purse and I jot down things that happen, things that I need to do, bills I have paid, bills I need to pay, appointments, birthday etc.  It turns out I NEED physical pen to paper to remember and to have some (notice the word some…not complete) success.  Because otherwise I forget.  I’m very forgetful of lots of things.  So this works for me.  No apps, not the calendar in my iPhone but a real old fashioned notebook/planner.   So these 20 minutes before I take off for my Friday at work, I felt compelled to write something, just something because in all my business and lists and working and all, I have not had much time in this space.  Which is also something I need to work on, scheduling time for me. 

the bathroom window

I have noticed recently that our bathroom window is ever changing.  Not just the things that get set on the windows ledge but the view itself. 

So from time to time I think I may document this window with my iPhone.  Just for the fun of it.

I took this image because the beautiful morning glory caught my eye and the window ledge was peaceful with one blue bottle.  I set the rocks up there and snapped. 

I took this picture because there was so much stuff on the ledge and it caught my attention. 

We have two bathrooms in this house but truly all five of us and company use this bathroom 99% of the time.  The upstairs bathroom is considered the "boys"  It has one shower and no bath.  Turns out my two boys like baths more than a shower it seems.  Bath time when they were young was a big deal.  It was monumental in fact.  A big part of our nightly ritual.  They still love it. 

When we moved into this house, only this bathroom was in service.  The upstairs boys bathroom was gutted and even the ceiling below was destroyed by a shower leak.  The only available bathroom was this downstairs original 1950's bath.  A shallow green tub with no shower, so for months our whole family took only baths, this included motorcycle man. Years ago we tore out the old green shallow tub and put in a really deep tub.  I'm into deep tubs and deep sinks.  When we tore out the original shallow 1950's sink, I replaced it with a double deep sink so I could also bathe my kids in the sink.  I will never compromise if I have the choice between deep tubs and deep sinks.  Although now a days we can't fill the tubs so full but I dream of the day when we can again.  

52 sunsets with my sister

My sister called me 13 weeks ago out of the blue to propose a photo project.  She wanted to share a weekly sunset with me.  Of course I'm game:)  Below is number 13.  To see all of our sunsets to date we post them weekly on Instagram #52sunsetswithsister.  Now forever more when sunsets happen daily I think of my sister whether she be near or far like the photo below which she took in France or mine which I took in Arizona on our road trip last week.  We live under the same sun and it's a great reminder that the sun gives us hope on a rainy day similar to how the son gives us hope when things look a little gloomy.

Have a great weekend and much love.  I'm hoping soon to spend more time doing more yoga, watching shadows, loving golden light and hopefully finding my creative spirit again.  What are your hopes for the future?

Amanda's image from France No. 13

My image from Arizona No. 13

taking stock july

MADE:  A summer time capsule film (half of June and half of July)

COOKED: Chicken Enchiladas with Trader Joe’s sauce

DRANK:  black hazelnut coffee

READ:  The Lucky One by Nicholas Sparks 

WANTED: To paint my walls and order mirror closet doors for Abbie’s room

RECEIVED:  a beautiful 1920’s record player (which I’m dying to try out) 

PLAYED:  Career Woman

DECIDED:  To drive to Arkansas next week to get the Littlest and Only Girl

WISHED:  for MORE rain

ENJOYED: A beautiful day in Long Beach with perfect weather, good food and with my guy

WONDERED:  how these days fly by

WORKED ON: My attitude

STARTED:  Yoga with Adriene on Youtube 

WATCHED: Tiny House Nation and the Secret

HOPED:  complete healing for my sister-n-law

NEEDED: To make Abbie’s smallest room in the house more user friendly

SMELLED:  ripe cantaloupe from my garden, it tasted so good too

WORE:  my Birkenstocks lots

NOTICED:  Summer light dancing on our walls

KNEW:  I would be missing Abbie this summer

THOUGHT: naming Kia Souls by color with star wars theme would be fun

ADMIRED:  Rich’s determination to get our pool blue and clear

SORTED:  heart rocks in my dream last night

BOUGHT: a basket organizer from IKEA and a funky little plant

FINALLY:  found the perfect yoga instructor for me

DISLIKED:  all the bad things that happen in this world:(

FELT:  gratitude 

FOLLOWING:  Yoga with Adriene

SNACKED:  nuts and fruit

LISTENED:  the album you are the avalanche by John Mark and Sarah McMillian

DISCOVERED:  a new trail (new to me)

SCRIPTURE:  Galatians 6:4   Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else. 

melons and yoga

 It’s really true.  When one thinks good thoughts, good things will happen.  I believe it with my entire heart.  It’s been a different kind of summer, I’ve missed my little mini me and I have been working like a real live working woman.  The kind I always dreamt of being.  Yeah, when I was a kid I didn’t want kids all I wanted to be was a career woman or as my mom and dad will tell you “a rear woman”  When they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up my answer was “a rear woman”  They were like, “what’s that?”  my answer “it’s a woman who works for a living”  and just like that….God had such different plans for me.  Better ones! He gave me three kids!  I normally work from 9 to 1 Monday through Friday (best most awesome hours ever) but lately it's been more like 8:30 to 5:00.  

Back to good things happen when good thoughts are thought.  Last night when I got into bed I went to bed listing my gratitude.  There were so many things to be grateful for.  The list went on and on until I fell to sleep.  I woke up and was so happy it was Friday.  I poured a tall cup a coffee into the most adorable hand drawn mug with a big big sunshine on it and words of goodness from a pal of mine.  

I got into the car and what song is on?  Rebel, Rebel!  My song!  We joke around about the rebel who lives inside me.  Yep, me the quiet, sweet little red headed girl.  She has a rebel inside her.   I was grinning ear to ear when I stepped into the car and that song was playing!

The next thing that happened was I spotted this hawk sitting up on a street lamp and well, that’s always a good sign and I was thinking lots on my way to work.  I was thinking about how nice it would feel to be appreciated.  Appreciation is important to give and to receive.   Doesn’t everyone like to feel appreciated?  As the day went along at work I had lots of entertaining moments and guess what?  A beautiful edible delivery arrived with a note from a subcontractor “thanking us for all we do”  It was addressed to us gals in the office.  There you go…that little bit of appreciation just sealed the deal.  My day was made.  

I know it may sound weird and some people have issues with this kind of thinking but I would just have to say.  Try it.  What do you have to lose? It’s also kind of contagious.

What else good is happening?

I cut open my first and probably only melon of the season.  It tastes as yummy as it looks too!

I have been keeping sane by doing yoga with Adriene and even started her 30 day challenge.  

I can be found doing yoga in Abbie’s bedroom or the kitchen.  Those are my two favorite spots.

That’s about it for today.    Wishing you all a wonderful, wonderful weekend and I will be taking stock very soon as today is the last day of July!  I can’t even believe that.  hugs, kisses, cartwheels and handstands.  wishing you all…which ever one or two people read this till the end….a very, very lovely weekend. 

Stay Gold

“Nature’s first green is gold/Her hardest hue to hold/Her early leaf’s a flower/ But only so an hour/Then the leaf subsides to leaf/So Eden sank to grief/So dawn goes down to day/Nothing gold can stay. ”

— Robert Frost

Are you a night owl?  OR Are you an early bird?   

There is no doubt the morning is so peaceful, quiet and holds a certain calm.  However I’m more of a night owl so I miss many of the beautiful sun rises but I will often catch the sun set.  

My favorite time of day…is always golden.  I’m a sucker for the golden light.  I have written about it before.  I even included The poem by Robert Frost and honestly I was introduced to Robert Frost from S.E. Hinton when my mom had me take a speed reading class one summer at our local library and this was the book we were given to speed read.  I was my daughters age when I read this book (13) I could hardly believe it when shortly after reading it they made a movie out of it.  The cast!  I mean speaking of golden…that cast was golden.   The best cast ever.  So when I hear that poem, visually I go to the scene in the movie. Pony Boy and Johnny.  Those two standing in the golden light as the sun crept to the other side of the world and Pony Boy quotes that poem.  That’s where Stay Gold came from.  

As I sat this evening reading words from kindred spirits, taking it all in the golden light caught my eye.  I stopped.  I grabbed my camera and I took a few shots.  It didn’t matter that it hi-lited the dusting I have to do, it all looked perfectly beautiful, perfect and golden.  In focus out of focus…it was a gift.  A gift to witness the golden light as it quickly shifted through my windows, bouncing off my mantel and new/old record player.  The gift I’m so grateful for, the gift I can’t wait to listen to.  I feel blessed even when my days are long and my summer is nothing like I had imagined it would be.  It will give me a better appreciation for my half day hours and the time that gives me for my creative outlet.  Keeps me sane, keeps me happy.  In the meantime I know it’s only temporary and like Robert Frost says…..nothing gold can stay.  

And just experimenting.  Not sure how I feel about the black background.  XO have a wonderful weekend. 

Summer Moments 2015 June to mid July

I’m going to put a quick blog up.  I keep joking around that I have lost my mojo.  And this can mean lots of different things depending on who you are but for me, it just means…I have not been making time for the magic.  AND what that means is.  I’m absolutely not taking the time to see the good stuff, to document it to share it to be in the moments.  Instead I’m missing my littlest and only girl tremendously, yes I knew 6 weeks was a very long time.  I have never been away from motorcycle  man that long since the day we wed, I have never been away from my boys that long either….let alone my youngest child.  I thought it would be good for her, I thought it would be fun.  Much more fun than sitting home alone all day while I was at work since summer has picked up for us in our industry. So my working days are longer, yet another reason that finding time for the stuff that fills me is less.  I know this experience for my girl is good and in some ways it’s important that she see how living a different life is good.  But it sure doesn’t take away the fact that there is a void in this house, that it’s much more quiet and we miss her greatly.  All these things, missing her, working more well they have messed with that mojo.  

So I took a little bit of time as it rained and rained yesterday and I fully embraced that beautiful sound and gray skies and I sat in front of my computer and pulled up moments of my summer from June until now.  Some of these moments included our girl and it was so nice to reflect and to appreciate and to create again.  It felt right.  

Here is the film I put together on a rainy Saturday afternoon.  Just a few things I have been collecting this summer.  I still want to make my film from our trip to Indiana.  That one will take days…not just a few hours.  I hope you will enjoy if you have a moment to see summer the way my eyes see it.  From the above ground pool, little critters, independence, and strong boys and smiling girl who is part mermaid if you want to know the entire  truth.  Water is her friend and dolphins are her animal. 

The word to use to view the film will always be,    love

S-1 and S-2 (son one and son two)

My boys inspire me.  They are both so very different yet weaved from the same cloth and I know this is so normal in families that each person is an individual with their own unique personality and it has nothing at all to do with how we parent these children because we have raised them all relatively the same, yet they are different.  

First Born  April 28 (my spring baby)

He took this of himself and shared it with me:)

The oldest, who prefers a more relaxed mode of exercise.  Yoga and hiking.  He gets his protein in other ways besides animal protein.  He feels his emotions deeply and has great empathy for those less fortunate around him.  He is down to earth/earthy. That would be a good word to describe him.  He likes his natural deodorant. He is very aware of this world and how to treat it kindly.  A member of the Green club in Jr. High and Solar Academy in High School.  He lights incense and candles and reads books on how be a better human being.  He likes to drink green juice and shops second hand.  He even likes to wear jewelry.  He is a dreamer.  Often lost in thought.  Not real particular on how tidy or clean his car or room is.  He enjoys many friends.  More of an adventurer.  He is a great conversationalist. Austin talks about owning his own vegan bakery one day in the Pacific Northwest.

Second Born September 6 (my back to school baby)

The second to be born prefers a more intense workout, lifting weights, pull ups, sit ups, running.  He prefers his protein in major animal kind of way.  He also feels his emotions deeply but  is more quiet about it.  He cares for those around him but tends to keep to himself.  Although shy he has a great sense of humor and is quite witty.  I think the word to describe Dylan would be, Driven.   Dylan loves to smell good and have clean clothes and will not leave the house until he rolls off any traces of animal hair on his clothes.  He likes to shop at more trendy shops but isn’t against a great pair of athletic shorts from Goodwill.  He doesn’t like to wear jewelry and is more of a realist. Often caught planning and researching.  He is a little more particular with how he keeps his stuff but not a complete neat freak, he does leave his towels on his bedroom floor.   He has two really good friends that he has had for years and doesn’t seem to want more than that.  He is a great observer.  More of a homebody. Dylan talks about doing American Ninja Warrior when he turns 21 and driving a real nice car.

AND SOMETIMES I JUST HAVE TO WRITE ABOUT THESE TWO MAN CUBS BECAUSE THEY REALLY DO INSPIRE ME SO VERY MUCH.  I'M PROUD OF EACH OF THEM AND GLAD THEY WERE GIFTED TO ME IN THIS LIFE.  AND LIKE THE SAYING GOES AND THIS APPLIES TO EACH OF THEM.  

“I love you exactly the way you are”

Taking Stock June

“I’m happy that since January I have been able to take stock. It’s been my one consistency since blogging in general has slowed down tremendously since I switched to square space. ”

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MADE:  A paper chain count down to when our littlest and only girl will be back home. 

COOKED: Italian zucchini from my garden.  Yum.   

DRANK: my green juice, back on coffee…that didn’t last but a second

READ:  “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise L. Hay.  Thank you Crystal, I remember this book cover well from the 90’s when I stocked books at Walden Books. 

WANTED: I still want a record player..  YEP still.  It’s really a matter of not wanting to shovel out the dough

RECEIVED:  a beautiful painting.  A collaboration of sorts.  I appreciate it very much.  Thank you Carie.

PLAYED:  in the pool

DECIDED:  to be more gentle with myself

WISHED:  I would be more of a routine girl…sort of

ENJOYED: a long weekend in Indiana seeing family and friends

WONDERED:  how much more hair Max could keep shedding. 

PONDERED:  the thought of having smooth legs and being at peace with who I am.

STARTED:  a journal with my littlest and only girl that we can do together while apart.  A wreck it kind of journal. 

WATCHED: videos from my Time Capsule workshop, trying to get re-inspired. 

HOPED:  for the best possible health

NEEDED: to simplify my closet and drawers…and did

SMELLED:  the sweet earth

WORE:  a super rad t-shirt made especially with love from Amy and Christina - and the NOW gals who met up on the East Coast

NOTICED:  Light coming back to my first born

KNEW:  Meeting Angela, Andrea and Laura would be all I imagined and more. 

THOUGHT:  about painting that dinning room, now a gray color instead of peacock. 

ADMIRED:  My second born for his discipline and great example of good health

SORTED:  old clothes and donated them

BOUGHT: a pretty brass ring in Indiana

FINALLY: felt my own light and peace come back after stopping a medication that was meant to give me this but instead gave me more darkness and anxiety

DISLIKED:  all the bad things that happen in this world:(

FELT:  much better this month knowing my test came back negative and having a more regular month in terms of health

FOLLOWING:  Jesus my best example

SNACKED:  a little junk like doughnuts from zombie in Fullerton

LISTENED: “hold on tight” by Greg Holden because it will make a great song for a new video

DISCOVERED:  that Indiana is just beautiful even it’s humidity because I think that humid weather does wonder for peoples skin.  All the Indiana folks had gorgeous, supple glowing skin.  AND two new magazines.  The Sun and Flow, both very excellent.  Thank you Aunt Tina for Sun…it’s so wonderful. 

SCRIPTURE:  Matthew 11:28-30  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and you will find rest for you souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."